The Super Mario Bros. Movie is Not Bad….

Okay, so bitching post coming up….

I recently read GameInformer’s article on The Super Mario Bros. movie.

A very interesting article with new facts I never knew about the Mario Bros. film.

I think after reading this article one thing can be concluded: Everyone hated the film.

The people involved making it, the actors themselves, and Mario fans everywhere.

Even Bob Hoskins made it evident in this actual quote about his experience:

“It was a fuckin’ nightmare. The whole experience was a nightmare. It had a husband-and-wife team directing, whose arrogance had been mistaken for talent. After so many weeks their own agent told them to get off the set! Fuckin’ nightmare. Fuckin’ idiots.”

The Mario Bros. movie was the first video game film ever made. Since then it’s considered one, if not the, worst video game adaption ever. But I think people need to sit back and actually see what they’re trying to adapt here.

This was made in 1993. At that time, Nintendo had Mario Bros. 1,2,3 and Super Mario World. In fact, that year Super Mario All Stars was released for the SNES.

This took up most of my childhood free time

All these games are classified as side scrollers. And as someone who played them all religiously since age 2, I’d say you’re generally running, jumping, and stomping to defeat Bowser/Koopa and save the princess. Story was rarely presented for these games and for most Nintendo classics in general.

Metroid? You just start off in maze like spaceship shooting alien blobs. The whole payoff in that game was that in the end it was revealed that you were a WOMAN *gasp*.

Legend of Zelda? You were Link and went on a journey to save princess Zelda from Ganon.

Mega Man? You were a Mega Man going after other robot men in their level to defeat the evil Dr. Wylie .

Double Dragon? Someone punched your girlfriend in the face. Go fuck them up.

Donkey Kong(SNES)? Someone stole your Bananas. Go get them.

And a non-nintendo classic…

Sonic the Hedgehog-Some egg shaped asshole put woodland critters in a thing. Go make him not do that.

Inspiring right?

These were early console games. 95% of the time you had to look in the instruction manual to find out the story. But you were a kid…so fuck reading.

I thought Mario was a pizza man for the first 5 years of my life.

“I’lla be there ina less then tena minutes or it’sa free! Wah-who!”

So when you’re making a 90 minute film based on 1985 game with little to no plot…how do you do that successfully?

Well…you bullshit mostly. With a storyline so thin as Super Mario Bros. the best you can do is say the movie is inspired by the video game. Because if you did a direct adaption (which is what a lot of these clueless fan seem to want) the film would start with Bob Hoskins in the mushroom kingdom just stomping on things and jumping on flag poles with little to no dialog, setup, or plot. Do fans really want the “Sorry but your princess in in another castle” scene 5 or 6 times in the movie?

But, hey, that would make it just like the game right?

Yeah, fuck you.

Liberties were taken with the Super Mario Bros. film because they had to be. And, to me, either direction you go with this film is going to have many detractors. Because the game you’re basing it on is thin.

It’s like if they made an Angry Birds movie. You really want to see some birds hitting some pigs over and over again…and that’s all? No. There has to be a story. There has to be character arcs and plot devices and whatnot. It has to be a fucking MOVIE. Yes. Birds will hit pigs in the film…but there has to be more.

Just like, yes, Mario will fight goombas in the film but there has to be more.

If you generalize the plot of the Mario Bros Film it goes like this:

2 Italian plumber brothers get transported to a strange kingdom to defeat Koopa and his army of goombas to save the princess.

Sounds like Super Mario to me.

But the soundtrack doesn’t….

I think the film did a good job at adapted the game. I thought Hoskins and Leguizamo were very good as Mario and Luigi. For 2 guys that were having a terrible time onset and drinking between takes it looked like they cared about the roles. Damn good acting I guess. Dennis Hopper was over the top and entertaining as Koopa, a character that never even talked or did anything else besides walk back and forth on suspended bridges.

The film incorporated bomb-oms, Toad, Goombas, Yoshi, the Mario Bros. ungodly leaping skills, fireballs, and the iconic theme song. What more do you want?

Do you really expect a movie based of the Super Mario Bros games to be just jaw droppingly amazing?

It was marketed as a kids film. And quite frankly, it’s a great kids film. When I watch the Madagascar movies or the other forgettable CGI animated crapfests, it’s odd to think those are so successful and accepted while this film is seen as complete garbage. It’s clearly not. Even as an adult I enjoy it.

Super Mario is the troll of gaming. Video games nowadays have complete orchestrated scores, intricate storylines, some great voice acting, phenomenal ultra realistic graphics, and online play. Super Mario has had the same thin plot since 1985, little to no voice acting, simple vibrant graphics, and catchy campy music. Not to mention Mario’s game are less costly.

And you know what? Mario is STILL better.

It’sa problemo?

I still play Mario games. In fact, I play Mario games more than any other video game. And to be honest, I’d rather play a Mario game then any other video game.

LA Noire was a phenomenal technical achievement. Beat it once, went back to Mario.

GTA was a landmark game for open ended freedom and interactivity. Beat it. Went back to Mario.

The Halo trilogy had a intense storyline, beautiful graphics, haunting score, amazing online play. Beat them. Went back to Mario.

I have an Xbox 360. It’s a DVD player, streams movies and TV, plays music, plays 2 generations of video games in HD, has an online shop with thousands of demos and games to purchase, has voice/chat messaging , a interactive camera, facebook access,  can wireless stream videos and pictures from your windows computer, and has up to like 800 gbs of memory.

That collects dust.

I play my NES way more.

The Super Mario Bros. still reign supreme when it comes to gaming. And they’ve done it not because they’re innovative, but because they stick to what they’re good at and they get better at it. Games like Dr. Mario, Mario Party, Mario Paint, and the leagues of recreational sports games aren’t bad at all, in fact they’re quite good in their own right. But nobody can do a platforming game like the Mario Bros. They conquered consoles. And to be honest I still enjoy the Super Mario Bros. Super Show and the film quite a bit.

You just got to take a step back and realize why you’re really criticizing these things. You have to put yourself in that time frame and think what more you can do. And for what was done, I think the Mario Bros. movie was a good effort and in turn made an entertaining film. I know the production caused a lot of grief and seems to not be remembered fondly.

But hey, Bob Hoskins, it all wasn’t for nothing kay?

If you fuckin say so…












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