With Great Power Comes Ninja Turtles Figures For Some Reason

So I’ve been saving a lot of my money the past few months. I’ve really gotten into a Gandhi-esque  mood. Since the holidays I’ve donated 3 garbage bags full of clothing, I’ve sold at least 50 T-shirts (not exaggerating), a bag full of old action figures and old plush,  4 costumes or so , around 20 DVDS, a big stack of books, and nearly every game console I’ve owned including video games.

I mean Gandhi sold his Super Nintendo too, remember?

I’m simply keeping the clothing I feel most comfortable in, some nostalgic toys and games, and my comics of course. I’m not touching my damn comics.

Of course working a decent amount of weekly hours plus my profit from this extreme materialistic overhaul has actually made me comfortable financially…for the moment anyway.

I’ve decided to spend my money on moments rather than materials. If I always wanted to see so and so perform…or I always wanted to eat at that place…or I always wanted to see that show and so on…I’m going to do it. This week alone I spent a decent amount on a Valentines day gift and a wrestling event that I’ve been wanting to see. So we’ll see how this goes.

Although I am me (last time I checked), so of course I’m going to buy silly shit now and then. But it’s okay to buy a video game or book here and there.

But sometimes I am an idiot and just buy silly things on a whim. I know there are friends of mine reading this right now who have walked into my room and seen a 26 inch Hulk Hogan action figure standing on my desk in his yellow underwears and wonder “Why?”

Nostalgic reasons I guess? It’s normal for older people to get nostalgic and buy things they’ve always wanted from their past or rebuy them in some instances. I mean with the internet today it’s so easy. And on that note…

I gone and dones it again.

The fact is for me it is nostalgic value. I can buy things I didn’t get when I was younger.

Case and point: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

TMNT: Turning little boys into spoiled monsters since ’85!

Last year alone I bought an old TMNT lunch box I used to have when I was a kid. Along with a Casey Jones action figure.

These four mutated assholes have been using their ninja skills and weapons to cut so many holes in my wallet it’s ridiculous. I’m pretty sure if you gather all the money myself and my family has spent on TMNT products since I was a kid I could probably legally buy the fucking rights to them. I could fucking own them. Literally.

And do stuff to April O’Neil.

I will answer the age old question: Can I have sex with a drawing?

So anyway…

In about 1st grade or so it became trendy to bring one of your favorite action figure to school with you. This usually always happened around winter or so because there would be a lot of indoor recess. Therefore we’d be able to whip our favorite figures out and make them fight each other.

I mean who can forget the great Darth Vader vs. The White Ranger and The Mask battle of ’94? I can’t that’s for sure.

Or the “Anything Goes” match of Undertaker vs. Sonic The Hedgehog vs. Godzilla at the pay-per-view LUNCHTIME ’96? Still can’t believe ‘Taker chokeslammed Godzilla through the D.A.R.E poster after Bart Simpson interfered.

Anyway…Ninja Turtles figure were widely popular. My buddies and I would always battle our little figures that were maybe 5 inches tall or so.

These dudes.

Anyway, one day at lunch we all whipped out and were comparing our Ninja Turtle figures. My friend Dan was acting very sly when all of a sudden he whipped out his. We were all shocked. It was huge. In fact it was 13 inches. All of us gasped in excitement and disbelief. We suddenly became embarrassed of the small 5 inchers in our hands.

After being taken back by Dan’s penis he showed us his giant Ninja Turtle figure.

‘Tis a thing of beauty.

It looked just like our figure but was HUGE. And back then bigger was better. This lunchable is great but it’d be better if it was BIGGER.  This Gameboy is awesome but I wish the screen was BIGGER. This super soaker is radical but it be great if it was BIGGER.

The world would be better if drive bys were done with these…

I remember the following week I went to the mall with my Grandma and the Kay bee Toys had a whole stack of them. I stood in front of this wall composed of Giant Ninja Turtle figures (the wet dream of any 8 year old) and nearly threw up my fruity pebbles. And this is coming from someone who pretty much fainted when I found a Kurt Angle action figure in grade school. Not kidding about that either. Looking back I’m ashamed it was Kurt Angle too. At least it wasn’t Chris Benoit though.

It’s true It’s true

Unfortunately I was denied the previlage to own one of these figures. I just wanted my favorite turtle…Donatello…or as he was referred to when I was in school, “The purple gay one.”

So yesterday I friggen bought one. I was online researching God knows what, and in classic internet behavior, cut to 25 minutes into web surfing and I’m on eBay looking at old ninja turtle figures. It only cost me $11. And it tamed my inner child.

So next time you walk into my room don’t be surprised to see a big Donatello action figure on my desk. And me being me will probably tell the tale on how I obtained such a treasure. Whether you want to hear it or not. Because I am a giant man child.

EDIT:  Hello. This is CMP from 5 minutes after I wrote this. I honestly have no idea why I wrote this. It’s pointless. I mean you literally just spent 3 or 4 minutes reading a drawn out blog post on how I bought a Ninja Turtle figure. Who cares right? Okay just wanted to bring that to your attention.

You can’t get that time back either.


Best In The World

3 thoughts on “With Great Power Comes Ninja Turtles Figures For Some Reason

  1. I think the real question is will Hogan be able to defend his title when the mega-powers of Donatello and Robert Cop unite? I heard it’ll be a hell in a lunchbox match, with a picture of a smiling MJ as referee. Sucks it’ll be on pay per view though.

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