Tag: cartoon

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Ad Nauseam: Spider-man Magazine #8

Are you really here right now? You of all people? What are you doing here? 

It’s been 20 months since the last installment of Ad Nauseam! 

Can’t you see it’s over?! Its done. 

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE. TO FEEL RELIEF…in classic comic book fashion…IT RETURNS…

Once again, it’s that special time where we crack open ancient remnants of “entertainment” from yesteryear and inspect the various capitalistic poisons found in between the stories of our favorite fabled heroes. Tooth rotting cereals? Archaic video games? Forgotten candy contests? BEHOLD: Welcome to another thrilling addition of Ad Nauseam! Why am I still doing this? I honestly couldn’t tell you! Excelsior! 

Tonight, we’re crawling inside Spider-man Magazine #8 released in December of 1994. 

Spider-man Magazine is an interesting little time capsule of the Wall Crawler’s storied history as it was published as a “companion” to the Spider-man Animated Series airing in November of 1994. The magazine ran for 19 issues (March 1994-March 1997) and was an amalgamation of everything that would appeal to a 6-11 year old of the 1990s: part comic book, part Zoobook, part Highlights complete with free trading cards and neat contests. It even featured the freakin’ X-Men.  

I found this particular issue tucked in between some “gaming” magazines at a used bookstore. Despite being a Spider-fan, I had no previous knowledge of this magazine but I’ll be darned if it didn’t still look as appealing as it did on the newsstand 30 years ago. This short lived magazine isn’t too difficult to find and doesn’t go for much. Unless you want the final 6 issues (which were only available through home delivery). Thumbing through Issue 5, I saw potential as its advertisements and layout stirred some personal recollections. It passed the “vibes” check as the kids say. 

Let’s channel December 1994. So turn off Garfield’s Christmas, put down that god-awful Tiger electronics handheld “game” Grandma bought you, chillax, and let’s swing into the advertised offerings of Spider-man Magazine #8. 

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Gargoyles 

Imagine turning the page and coming face-to-face with this ad. I may not have had money in 1994 but take all my pogs including my ninja star slammer and just feed me whatever this is. An absolutely chilling and beautiful illustration in its own right; I’ll do whatever “Gargoyles” tells me to do. Coming October 24th? You got it. I’ve marked it on my school planner. I’ll even pretend to be sick and take the day off. 

Of course this is for the debut of Gargoyles the animated series. 

You remember Gargoyles. You friggin’ do. Most adults of a certain age remember Gargoyles. Can you recall specifics? Maybe not. But the fact that this show was on air for a little over two years and it’s still something many recall decades later has to mean something, right? 

I’ll tell you what it means: It means Gargoyles was pretty badass. Do you see the advertisement up there? 

Gargoyles was essentially Disney’s answer to Batman The Animated Series. Dark, brooding, mature, and meticulous; it was a cartoon made as much for kids as it was for adults. Heck, it wasn’t a “cartoon”…it was an “animated series”. It was masterly animated, pushed the boundaries of episodic animated writing, and was able to be “mature” all while maintaining a rating for children and adults alike. The intro to the show alone makes me able to do, like, 100 pushups.  

While the show had a short run, it still spawned a comic book, toyline, and Sega Genesis game. Many in the animation industry have claimed Gargoyles as an inspiration and it even had its own convention that ran from 1997-2009. It was called The Gathering of The Gargoyles and the website is still live. If I was scheduled to work at a convention center during The Gathering of The Gargoyles I would probably bring a Pepsi bottle of holy water and keep a crossbow in my trunk. 

There have been talks of a live action movie and “reboot” for years now, but I always find Gargoyles pretty special as it’s been untouched since its original purpose. It ruled the night for a couple years. The sun rose on their time and they returned to stone. They never overstayed their welcome. And they’ll be remembered fondly. And in today’s reboot/remake/recast culture, I think that’s pretty admirable. 

Power Rangers Power Pak

I’m always going to be open with you: This advertisement is the reason I purchased this issue. I mean, there’s some cool stuff advertised here but this? This is the nostalgic g-spot. For a mere $6.99 ($1.95 S+H) you could become the baddest kid on the playground. As you’ll realize with the following ads, The Power Rangers were peak popularity and merchandise gold by late 1994.  The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles craze faded and the Power Rangers took the preverbal power ball and morphed with it. Personally, at the time I was completely dedicated to all things MMPR. You recall that famous scene from Scarface where Tony Montana is sitting in his mansion surrounded by piles of cocaine and henchmen? I was like that, except in a midwest trailer park with Power Ranger junk and Mondo. Almost the same. Basically. 

The Power Pak consists of a small unconventional plastic “canteen”, a “just come out and admit its a” rape whistle, knockoff lightsaber consisting of the least popular colors, plastic telescope that a Power Ranger couldn’t use if they tried, and an identification badge if the rape whistle doesn’t work. Sure, it’s just a bunch of marked up dollar store toys, but that’s the shameless beauty of trends. This stuff sits on the shelf of the strip mall dollar store yet slap a Power Rangers decal on it and you’re sending away for it like a mighty morphin’ sucker. 

An ad like this is why I’ve been writing these articles for over 8 years. Wow that’s a bit humiliating when it’s written out. Throw in a pair of plastic electro-binoculars, a list of demented far-left opinions, and mark the price up 800% and you can call it a “Luke Skywalker” Power Pak.

Cap’n Crunch MMPR WristGame 

Hey guess what? No time for guessing it’s 1994 and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers are inescapable. The masses have kicked those pesky Ninja Turtles to the curb and have found new (non-turtle) color-coded teenagers with attitude. And Captain Crunch is docking his ship to the Mighty Morphin’ Money train. 

There is so much going on in this illustration. I love it. It looks like a flyer for an underground punk show plastered on a telephone pole outside a dive bar. We’re assaulted with the Power Rangers “Computer Wrist Game” but also watch VR Troopers from Saban Entertainment and, oh by the way, eat Captain Crunch cereal too. Sugary Technicolor Capitalist Vomit that I would get tattooed on my damn gosh back!

Even 3 decades later, I’m still intrigued. There was a boy in my class that had a Mario Bros. game watch that I thought was pure illegal magic. This kid can play Mario? On his WRIST? AND HE CAN PLAY IT WHENEVER HE WANTS?! The idea of just firing up your favorite NES game during school secretly on your watch was fantasy to me…because of course it was. It was one of those crappy little LCD games that are essentially bedazzled smoke detectors. Barely resembling the title it claims to be that made you want it in the first place. And the “Power Rangers Computer Wrist Game” was no different. And I don’t even think it even tells you the (morphin’) time. An example of the idea being better than the execution. Yet, I have to admit, it looks radical. Take your $8.95, Crunch. Because wearing this unassuming colorful robot the size of a can of soda on my wrist will make me the talk-of-the-town (and also the biggest dork on the playground). 

Nabisco Marvel SuperSnack Tins

Reward children for eating cookies. What can go wrong? 

Clip those proofs-of-purchase off that Chips Ahoy or Oreo package and send it away for a Spider-man, X-Men, Iron Man, or Fantastic Four SUPERSNACK tin. I’ve actually used the Spider-man tin to collect my spare change for close to a decade without knowing where it came from. The mysterious magic of Ad Nauseam at play, folks! 

As a child, do you have a favorite memory of a Christmas or Birthday gift you received? You probably do. But what about promotional mailaway items? Okay, maybe not. Personally, I always thought these were the most rewarding “gifts” as a kid. Cutting out and collecting proofs of purchases, finding a stamp and envelope, gathering change for shipping. Finally, riding your bike to the mailbox and dropping that bad boy inside. You felt like you were “earning” something! And then the waiting game began. Remember, most of these things took 8-12 weeks for delivery. And, in kid time, that’s 3-6 years. So you completely forgot about it. 

You come home from a monotonous day of school and you’re told there’s a package for you. Strange. There’s, like, never mail for you…you’re a child. Then you feverishly pull apart the packaging, the memories of what the heck is in your hands warmly floods back, and the serotonin goes into overdrive. Behold! Your long awaited treasure turns your mundane day into an exciting one! 

I’ve had many Christmases and Birthdays with gifts that accompanied them. And I am grateful. Yet I can’t recall most of what I received in those days. Yet I can name the 5 mailaway promotions I took part in. Interestingly, If I received a Star Wars stamp set, Superman poster, or Indiana Jones flashlight as Christmas gifts I probably wouldn’t remember them. But because I “worked” for those particular things in question…at an age where money and responsibilities aren’t vast…I remember them 25+ years later and appreciate those objects a little more. Perhaps the lesson being earning things can feel more rewarding even leading to pride? Imagine that. Who says these articles have no redeeming qualities?  

Here’s the commercial for the Marvel SuperSnack Tins

X-Men Pogs At Target

Spider-man may have been on his way to Marvel’s quintessential superhero animated glory, but he wasn’t the first there…as the X-Men reigned supreme at this time. So much so that Spidey shared this very magazine with the X-Men. X-Men already had some pretty awesome promotions but this one in question being arguably the most overlooked: exclusive “caps” with your Target Kids Mutant Meal. “Caps” being a term for unofficial Pogs. It’s difficult to get any more 90’s than receiving X-Men “pogs” from a department store cafeteria. Maybe if Steve Urkel handed them to you I guess. 

I’ve been to a couple Targets that still have traces of a cafeteria (referred to as “Food Avenue” in this ad) though not as robust as they were 30 years ago. The point being these department stores were a place to spend the day; complete with daily sales and a place to get a hot meal. I spent an obnoxious amount of time in my local K-Mart as a kid complete with getting food at the “K-Cafe”. Pizza, burgers, sandwiches, popcorn, cotton candy, and Icees adorned the menu. I believe they even had breakfast options in the mornings. And frequenting K-Mart as often as I did, you couldn’t help but notice the “regulars”. The lonely single seniors with their paper and coffee. The downtrodden simply spending the day there. Teenagers taking advantage of the sitting space to read magazines without buying them. And, of course, the blue light specials over the intercom that kept many of them alert. These “cafes” bred a whole type of culture of its own. Not a “coffee shop” scene…but not quite a “homeless shelter” vibe either. It was somewhere right down the middle. And there’s been nothing quite like it. And I can’t say I miss it.  

It’s interesting to think the modern trend is being able to pick up items without even leaving your car. These “restaurant” sections shuttered over the last couple decades. What does that make of the lonely, the societal misfits, the aimless youth that inhabited it? Was it for the best? 

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Well, folks, that’s another Ad Nauseam for the books. Covering some interesting yet silly offerings found between the pages of a 30 year old Spider-man Magazine. A couple years back I was working on an Ad Nauseam installment when a coworker asked what I was doing. I answered, “I write about old advertisements found in comic books…” to which he simply and genuinely replied, “Why?”. I chuckled but the simple question really made me ponder on it for a bit. I recall that interaction whenever I write a new installation.  

This is the 17th installment of Ad Nauseam written over the course of 8 years. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. But I’m proud of these. It’s a way to wax nostalgic to myself about things that a very tiny number of people find interesting. It’s a great exercise of recollection, bad humor, and introspection published into the void of my website. There have been so many personal life changes over the course of those 8 years that sitting down to write these articles have become nostalgic in themselves. I recall different times that feel long ago when writing these articles that fill me with a specific warmth. The kind of warmth I felt when writing about these advertisements of simpler times. The act of writing about nostalgia has, in fact, now become nostalgic to me. It’s a great way to glance at the past, smile, and keep moving forward. 

You’ll always find “insight” into comfy comic culture here on ChrisDoesComics. “Why?” 

Why not?

Oh, and below are the trading cards that came with my magazine. 

I’ll see yuh when I see yuh…

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Why Is Beetlejuice a Thing?

I was partaking in the mundane task of grocery shopping when something perked me out of my catatonic state of routine disinterest: right there in the middle of the dairy section was a themed display stocked with Keebler Beetlejuice cookies. 

A bevy of thoughts immediately entered my head all at once. Like when the Three Stooges all try to walk through a door together. Being late July, I assumed I stumbled upon a “much-too-early” Halloween tie-in, as the same grocery store already had a few Halloween items stocked in their seasonal aisle. My second thought was “Why does it say Beetlejuice Beetlejuice everywhere?” 

It must’ve been the work of the invisible waves of brain fog pumped throughout the grocery store, but these Keebler cookies gave me a proverbial fudge striped slap as I realized, “Oh, shit, there’s a Beetlejuice sequel coming out soon!” I’d like to think I was the first person to mutter that sentence in that particular Jewel-Osco. And for the rest of my grocery store trip, I began to not only unpack the fact that a sequel to Beetlejuice is soon to be released but to also realize, when you think about it too much, how downright bizarre all this is. 

The cookies. The Beetlejuice. The sequel. All of it. 

How did they NOT go with “The Ghost with the Host-ess“?!

We’ve been living in “The Digital Age” for a while now. And the COVID pandemic completely spiraled movie marketing and theater releases into an absolute flaming tailspin. “Blockbuster” movie releases are seemingly gone and so goes the over-the-top marketing that accompanied them: Billboards, cereals, soundtracks, collector cups, fast food, toys, video games, commercials, and giveaways. So much of the movie experience is digital nowadays…from your ticket to your rental and maybe even your purchase of the film itself. 

Was all that bygone promotional buildup ultimately unneeded consumeristic excess? Of course it was. Did it make a film’s release a bit more of a special event? Of course it did. Yet suddenly, right there physically in front of me, were Beetlejuice cookies. Remnants of a bygone era forced into irrelevance now being driven by a ghost who hasn’t seen a movie theater since 1988. A dead art promoting a dead art. With one side literally being about the dead. It’s all so ghoulishly ironic! 

Personally, I can’t think of a point in my life not knowing of Beetlejuice. I retain the memory of losing the head of my Beetlejuice action figure in my local Mcdonald’s ball pit. Or the time my psychopathic Aunt deserted me in a Funcoland store while playing the Beetlejuice Nintendo game. Or those tranquil afternoons sitting on my grandparents couch slyly grinning when an episode of the Beetlejuice cartoon came on. That intro was like dropping acid at an Oingo Boingo concert. 

Would legit fist bump when this hit the screen…

But Beetlejuice became a buried relic of childhood and that’s where he stayed. It wasn’t until 20 plus years later when on the topic of Beetlejuice (which can be a very rare thing depending on your particular friend circles) made me realize I wanted to rewatch it through my now world-weary-constantly-exhausted adult eyes. So I did. And I thought it was really weird. 

I sat during the credits piecing together the resounding mainstream success this particular film had. And it perplexed me on every level. I can see Beetlejuice alongside, say, Heathers…The ‘Burbs…The Frighteners. Known to some degree…appreciated by a specific demographic…but far from iconic or quintessential. And surely not have its history of marketability especially towards kids. Beetlejuice is a downright bizarre movie. The subject matter is incredibly dark and tragic. Yet the “spirit” of the movie is so playful and alluring. It’s like a devastating funeral being presented by a Ringling Bros. circus. 

So how did it get here? Beetlejuice was an odd duck from the beginning. The story and screenplay is credited between 3 writers that (at the time) only had 2 writing credits between them: a single episode of the 80’s reboot of Alfred Hitchcock Presents and an episode of Amazing Tales. Of course, as we all may know, the director of this film is Tim Burton who, at this point, only had one feature length theatrical film to his name: Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. 

Pictured: Director Tim Burton (Left) Asking Michael Keaton (Right) if he’d “be down again for this bullshit” in 36 years.

Many cast members had to be convinced multiple times to sign onto the movie…many thinking it was “too weird”. There were no major stars attached to the film. Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis, who played the main characters of The Maitlands, were bit players in a few television series. “Betelgeuse” himself played by Michael Keaton had some theatrical comedies to his name. Yet despite being the most marketable and playing the titular character, Beetlejuice has less than 15 minutes of screentime. With 90% of his lines ad-libbed by Keaton himself. 

It all spells disaster on paper, but Beetlejuice made about 5 times its budget back at the box office. We’re talking about it 36 years later and a sequel comes out in a few weeks. The character is nothing short of iconic within western popular culture. Spit from an era that put Rambo, Robocop, and Freddy Krueger alongside the Smurfs, Thundercats, and Ducktales…I suppose the crude morbidness was never a question when aiming “The Ghost with the Most” at kids. He is kinda like Casper’s deadbeat uncle afterall. 

But, just for my sake, I’d like to break down a few facts here:

First of all: Beetlejuice. Excuse me? That’s the titular name of a character. He’s a slimy conman poltergeist named Beetlejuice. Yet, in the film, it’s spelled “Betelgeuse”. I assume that is his “real” last name. He killed himself; meaning he was a mortal at one point. Why the heck is that his name? It’s not presented as a nickname. It isn’t established that anyone else in the afterlife has names like that. It’s completely unique, off putting, and strange. And why do you have to say his name 3 times to summon him? Such an interestingly wistful way of establishing his “legend”. The whole less-is-more lore establishing Betelgeuse is pure “outside the box” fictional magic. There isn’t a character like him. That’s why he was in a movie for 14 minutes 36 years ago and we still remember him. 

*Honk* *Honk*

Second: Beetlejuice is a villainous-pervert-scumbag. He’s not misunderstood. He’s not even an “anti-hero”. He’s a crude and morbid monster. He instinctively preys on the naive well meaning Maitlands the moment he sets his undead eyes on them. Reeling them into his long con: Which we learn is to marry a woman; which would allow him to cause chaos in the mortal world. We learn he became how we know him via suicide. He looks up Barbara’s skirt and parties with undead demon whores. He drops an “f-bomb” and honks his groin in a PG movie. When first summoned he intended to kill Lydia’s Father, Charles. And I’m pretty sure he kills the Dean couple via his “Test of Strength”. Oh and he tries to marry a 16 year old girl against her will. A 16 year old girl who plans on killing herself because she likes ghosts more than her family. Did I mention it’s a PG family film? Betelgeuse doesn’t have a story arc or any redeeming qualities. He’s a problem. He’s an anarchistic predator. And he should never be given attention. 

I’d like to remind you that Beetlejuice had a toyline, children’s cartoon, fast food meal, Nintendo game, theme park show, hit Broadway musical, and was a Build-A-Bear.  

I can only liken the admirability of Beetlejuice to that of The Joker. A maniacal theatrical character whose sole purpose is to cause chaos. Yet, despite the murder and fiendishness, The Joker is relentlessly revered within pop culture. To link these characters even tighter: Jack Nicholson’s Joker eclipsed pop culture the following year in Tim Burton’s Batman starring Beetlejuice himself: Michael Keaton. In fact, Burton ditched a Beetlejuice sequel for 1989’s Batman. It was the 1992 sequel, Batman Returns, when the studio ditched Burton. Why? Parents felt the film was too inappropriate to be coupled with a kids meal. To appease the mob, the Happy Meal promotion was recalled creating a ripple effect on the marketing of Batman Returns leading to it underperforming at the box office.

Yet, two years prior, there were Beetlejuice kids meals at Burger King. Beetlejuice: the suicidal pervy conman whose goal is to wreak havoc via prearranged child marriage. Stick ‘em in a greasy burger bag, boys! We’re good to go! 

Yes, the file name for this image is BK_BJ. No, we do not go there.

If Beetlejuice taught me anything, it’s that if you’re funny and charismatic…you can get away with literally anything. A character forged in Hollywood. There’s another layer of ghoulish irony.

Although this article may sound down-on-the-juice, I am a lifelong pro-juicer. I’ve had friendships tightened over Beetlejuice quotes. I have fond childhood memories of the cartoon and cherishing my Beetlejuice action figure. I’ve fought, daily, the impulse to purchase the illuminated “Betelgeuse” arrow sign and install it above my desk. It’s only as I got older and truly examined the entertainment I grew up on that I realized the dark macabre reality of it. And I didn’t need some 6 part controversial streaming documentary to tell me. Beetlejuice, like the character himself, unabashedly flaunts it for all to see. Perhaps our whole lives are a dark room afterall. 

And what’s just as strange as the journey and story of Beetlejuice is the fact that we’re getting a sequel. Sequels are rarely necessary. And, with recent films released over the past decade or so, I’ve come to the conclusion that movies aren’t even necessary anymore. Over 20 years ago I remember reading about the scrapped Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian sequel and breathing a sigh of relief. And, while I can’t speak for all fans, I’ve always felt content with Beetlejuice, his world, and his story. He was in a rare position being an 80’s relic whose corpse wasn’t raided by modern braindead Hollywood executives. But, like Otho lookin’ for a buck, they decided to call his name 3 times once again. And, just like The Maitlands, I am fearful and nervous for it.  

When it comes to storytelling, I feel “less-is-more”. The genius of the character is not only Keaton’s manic charismatic performance, but the simple fact that he’s not even in his own movie much. Is more screen time for Beetlejuice a good thing? And with more screen time, you shouldn’t lean into some sort of sappy or tragic backstory for Beetlejuice…or any backstory at all. The title: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, leads me to believe this is going to be a trilogy. With the third being called Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice “finishing” off the character. But is he someone redeemable enough to “Rest In Peace”? Or will he simply need to be defeated again during yet another supernatural con? Better yet: do we even care enough? Just because we could, do we ever stop to think if we should? 

Pictured: Literally Me Sitting in the Theater September 6th

The recent cultural shift in America has had many claiming: “You couldn’t make a movie like this today” when it comes to many films of yesteryear. A tired yet true observation. And I believe it couldn’t be truer for Beetlejuice. A crude offensive politically incorrect bio-exorcist in a film fueled by death, murder, suicide, and horror violence marketed for da kids. A family outing. A product of its time. And a big part of me misses that time if not for artistic expression alone no matter how silly it may seem. Maybe it’s because modern Hollywood completely lacks integrity and creativity. 

Taking an untouched culturally relevant classic and “following it up” in a soulless braindead era of filmmaking when you already said everything you needed to say 36 years ago? I guess, like summoning Betelgeuse himself, I’m nervous and weary of what’s to come. But I guess I’m part of the long con, as I’ll be at the theater early September to see the ‘juice on the loose’ once more. 

It’s showtime afterall.  

And, yes, I ended up buying the dang Beetlejuice cookies. 

For posterity, I’m going to edit this article with my quick review of Beetlejuice Beetlejuice right here:

EDIT 9/10/24: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice was alright. 2.5/5 Zagnut Bars.

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Ninja Turtles: Shell Shocked!

Here’s my concept on a Ninja Turtle cartoon that would be aimed at children. Despite what fans say, I really enjoyed Nickelodeon’s Rise of TMNT for what it was. It was a departure from what we got previously within the fandom of the TMNT, but sometimes you need change in order for decades old characters to evolve. It was fast, silly, and focused on comedy over action. Sort of a Teenage Mutant Titans Go! If you will. And the background art and animation was just fantastic.

I decided to take a lot of direction (visually) from what Rise gave us, but coupled it with more traditional character design. The pizza, Ninjitsu, and humor would still be present…but we’re dropping the “teenage” as the Ninja Turtles have been teenagers in every iteration of movie/television media so far. The idea of them being “celebrities” akin to say, Iron Man in the MCU, is another direction that could be explored. Social Media personally run by the Ninja Turtles and media appearances booked and handled by April herself could led to some very humorous and interesting storytelling. Not to mention something we’ve never seen before.  

I also think social media could be a very serious danger to younger generations. And certain episodes could deliver the message to young viewers on using this “new” technology safely and responsibly. Akin to the old G.I. Joe or “Sonic Says” safety messages, but updated for a modern generation. 

The series being titled “Shell Shocked!” is because that’s exactly what it is to the IP and something I always strive for in my “reimaginings”. Teenage Turtles? Nope. Now they’re adults. Splinter is dead. The Turtles are big celebrities. No Technodrome. No Dimension X. Shredder is a giant mutant freak. Keep shakin’ it up, dudes and dudettes!  

 
The TMNT are one of my favorite close personal characters and have been for decades. Yet I’ve never had “my take” on them. So this little concept was a ton of fun for me to do. I believe the Ninja Turtles are characters that are going to be similar to Scooby Doo or the Looney Tunes. They’ll have their peaks and valleys, but always be around for the new generation. I think the concept of them is so bizarre yet gripping that every little boy (or girl) is going to be gripping an empty wrapping paper tube and yelling “Cowabunga!” for decades to come.