You can find previous “Ad Nauseam”s here.
Oh no, everyone, it’s Ad Nauseam! Articles in which I gaze back at ancient advertisements of youth, wonder where time has gone, and realize all the vapid gutter trash that was marketed into my tiny malleable eyeballs. Yes, I’m still doing this.
Sam Raimi’s Summer Blockbuster Spider-man turned 21 years old last month. It can legally drink the champagne I’m toasting it with. The film (and the countdown surrounding it) holds a very special place in my heart. The summer months of 2002 was a coming-of-age story filled with angst, Spider-man Poptarts, romance, and attempts at making my own webshooters.
But that is a tale for another time. I’d still like to honor the legacy of the original Spider-man movie on its anniversary(ish) as we dissect the ads within Mad Magazine #418 released June 2002.
Mad Magazine is a satirical comic-turned-magazine first published back in 1952. Understand, when it came to parody and satire, Mad was the first of its kind. Its circulation peaked in the early 1970s, and the humor within its pages influenced generations of comedy writers that infiltrated the roots of comedic pop culture itself. From The Tonight Show to SNL to The Simpsons, Mad competed with itself when it came to topical humor. No subject was off limits to Mad Magazine. Today, You can head to your local grocery store and be able to find Mad on the magazine rack. And in this day and age, staying power is rare.
This issue of Mad was purchased solely for this article. Sad. It’s the first and only issue of Mad Magazine that I’ve ever owned. Yet Mad is no stranger, as I’ve thumbed through my share of issues over the decades. Whether loaned from friends or watching Madtv, I was more than acquainted with their age-old mascot: Alfred E. Neuman. Mad has permeated American pop culture in a way that even if you don’t know it…on some level…you probably do.
Mad Magazine was also AD-FREE from April 1957 to February 2001(no advertisers means no one is off limits to pick on). But this particular issue being the subject of an Ad Nauseam article means it’s chock full of dated advertisements. Bad for Mad readers back then. Good for my readers today. All three of you.
So crank up some Linkin Park and lets sling a web through this 21 year old issue of an American comedic institution. Our Spidersense tingling being our only warning of the ads inside! What-me worry?
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SOUTH PARK RETURNS
Crude and Outrageous. An ad that truly represents the foundation of South Park. This concept is also a representation of eXtRemE “attitude” pop culture embraced by the late 1990s. By mid-2002 the adult animated show was in the middle of its sixth season. South Park is still popular by today’s standards. Though the mention of it still takes me back to those first couple years or, what I personally call, The South Park epidemic of the late 1990s.
South Park debuted in late 1997. It was far more immoral and inappropriate than The Simpsons that debuted just 7 years prior. And its humor was sharper than MTV’s Beavis and Butthead. It was an immediate success, at least in my juvenile social circle, and christened “must see tv” as it was a trendy target among parents and teachers alike. It took the heat off of Bart Simpson and Mortal Kombat. South Park was the newest outrage causing trend within the “degradation of youth” category.
I can only relate The South Park epidemic to be in the same vein as “The Red Scare” within certain households and my school. Teachers outlawed discussion of South Park. South Park apparel was banned. I recall one particular instance where a friend innocently drew a cow on our chalkboard during indoor recess and was subsequently punished with a detention because the teacher felt the cow “looked too similar to cows from South Park”.
It truly is something when a child recognizes ignorant paranoia spread by their adult “superiors”.
Personally, I did my fair share of South Park “smuggling”. Watching it in secret at my grandparents home. Sneaking in an episode at a friend’s house when their parents were out. I regularly wore a “Many Deaths of Kenny” shirt under my sweater at school. I attached a South Park keychain to my backpack. It was as big as it was because it was forbidden. It was an act of rebellion. Mortal Kombat ate my quarters because mom didn’t want me playing it. We quoted Bart Simpson because parents urged him to be the downfall of innocence. We devoured South Park because it became the next in line for parental outrage.
The more things change the more they stay the same I suppose.
Editor’s Note: That “Many Deaths of Kenny” shirt was purchased by my mom as a birthday gift for me. She was an overworked single parent that didn’t have time to be upset over a silly television show. She knew she raised a level headed responsible son. She realized the trend and ,in her exhaustion, simply let me embrace my interests. I truly appreciated that. It meant a lot, mom. Violent television and video games didn’t rot my brain. It just made me write dozens of redundant blog articles. Not too shabby I’d say.
THE BEST BUY CD SECTION
I never thought I’d see the day where the idea of physically owning music by purchasing it at a brick and mortar music store would be practically extinct. Afterall, it’s something humans have been doing since the late 1800s. Though still young in the grand scheme of civilization, I suppose I never thought things would change so quickly as I grasped my Papa Roach CD…thinking I’d have to do this forever. Are album releases even a big thing anymore? I guarantee you haven’t even thought about heading to the CD section in what feels like ages. Go find one in a store sometime (if they even have one) and bask at its insignificance. Even though music is anything but insignificant.
Best Buy did have one of the best CD sections available. As you can tell from the delighted young hip and fresh looking guy in the ad. I forgot that early 2000s “style” for young men was “Shaggy’s snowboarding cousin”. My god…a soul patch and puka shell necklace? ZOINKS. Who wants to bet this “bra” is wearing Anchor Blue jeans and eyeing a “Taproot” album? Anyway…at Best Buy each genre of music had nearly 2 and a half loooong aisles to browse. As the CD section in this ad isn’t exaggerating as it mimics the warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I had a Best Buy attached(ish) to the local mall. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for a bunch of boys to split the price of a CD…as long as one of us had a burner to duplicate it. Suddenly that steep $17.99 price tag for the Fast and Furious soundtrack turns into less than $5. With enough dough left over for an overly dry slice of Sbarro pizza and a pickup game of Soul Caliber. Now I can harvest practically any piece of music of any era from the supercomputer in my pocket for free and share it with my entire personalized network of thousands of people almost instantly.
Impressive? Technically yes. Better? Well, there’s no Icee to sip while browsing. And I don’t have Billy or Kris to kick my tush in Soul Caliber anymore. So…no.
Another instance in “You just had to be there.” I guess.
DEAD TO RIGHTS and BLOODRAYNE
Here we have two video games concerning Vigilantes and Vampires. I’m confident those were my career goals in high school. As I’m typing this I realize those paths aren’t out of the question now either.
Dead To Rights was about a cop with a dog cop set on a path of revenge through a dark spooky corrupt city. The cop was taking revenge. Not the dog. Or maybe they both were. I don’t remember. It was capitalizing on the acclaimed Max Payne video game but without the hint of self awareness. At the time, I was practically snorting ashes of Punisher comic books daily so I was there for it. I also had no hint of self awareness. The selling point of the game (besides the need for violence and justice) was being able to control the dog; functioning as a sort of “special power” used to disarm and weaken your enemies. I rented this game and was excited to entrench myself in its world…but I recall the clunky controls dampering my enjoyment. I didn’t even finish it. But that didn’t stop me from putting on my thrift store trenchcoat and shoot down imaginary drug dealers with a nerf gun. It’s sad when I type that out.
The sexy vampire’s name is BLOODRAYNE. One word. Rayne is spelled with a “y”. She’s wearing leather pants. If you do not think of the 2000s when I explain this to you I guess we can’t be friends. Thanks to Buffy The Vampire Slayer, I was peak vampire-kid at the time. I watched vampire movies. Read vampire books. And even made an emergency vampire hunter kit using junk found around my grandparents house. It’s sad when I type that out. Naturally (or sUpeRnAtUralLy) I found out about Bloodrayne when researching “vampire video games where you can suck blood” on the internet. In order to replenish your health, you can hop onto enemies and bite their neck until they die. That’s so vampire, man. I was sold. I purchased a preowned copy of Bloodrayne for under $20 and fondly remember it.
I can’t recall it verbatim, but you played as this goth vampire woman with giant blades attached to her arms that murdered Nazis. It turned out to be a World War II thing. I was caught off guard yet intrigued. The game consisted of you running around, with bouncing boob physics, slicing up Nazis into bloody puddles. I was the demographic. It was a delight.
Apparently there are 3 movies based off these games and I find that just incredible considering most people don’t know what this trash is or was. There are 3 Bloodrayne movies. Don’t give up on your dreams, kids.
SPIDER-MAN: THE MOVIE: THE VIDEO GAME: THE ADVERTISEMENT
For me, the only thing trailing the hype of the Spider-man movie had to be the Spider-man video game. That summer, If any piece of hardware in existence could play a video game, there would be a Spider-man game released for it.
A friend of mine brought a magazine to class that had an extensive preview of this game. It’s how we got better looks at the movie versions of Spidey and Green Goblin. It was also written in the gameplay details when we learned that Spider-man had “organic” webshooters. It was little nuggets like this that added to the feeling of excitement for a summer blockbuster. Myself and a small group of friends were still riding that high of Activison’s Spider-man game released on the Playstation only 2 years prior. We still spoke of the animated series and comic books. Yet, we were at an age where we were expected to grow out of cartoons, comics, and toys. That was something I knew I simply couldn’t do…nor did I want to. And I loved that I was able to brazenly share my excitement for Spider-man proudly with others.
This particular ad was slapped in every comic book and magazine at the time. I even remember it showing up in an issue of a school magazine/workbook we partook in every month. The marketing being a sign of the times. If we wanted to see the trailer, you had to be in a movie theater. If you wanted to see images, you picked up a magazine. If you wanted to see the poster, you walked to a bus stop. If you yearned for “scoops” and “rumors”, it was an arduous game of telephone. Also telephones had cords and were attached to walls. But at this point, this is how it’s always been. What made the experience of Spider-man so unique for me, was that all of this was changing for the first time. Computers. Internet. Cell phones. The digital age was becoming more pertinent by the week. And I was truly noticing it. This fresh era of convenience rearing its cyber-head.
Regardless, Spider-man was everywhere. Television, grocery aisles, print, and computers. And change was surrounding us. The rippling effect of the recent September 11th attacks and current war on terrorism. The new and exciting reliance of technology beginning to change our daily routine. Graduating to attend a massive high school. The realization that familiarity and friendships forged for most of your life are bound to drift away.
Spider-man acted as a final reprisal of childhood. An age where any adult would say, “Aren’t you too old for that?”, yet we fully embraced the childishness. From shooting webshooters found in our cereal boxes in the Chicago alleyways to discussing possible villains in the next Spider-man movie. Reality seemed scarier than ever, a sudden realization stricken amongst every walk of life within the United States. And, at my childish level, I felt we were all caught in Spidey’s web of pure escapism. Spider-man swung in bringing back some much needed fun and innocence. Suddenly my knowledge of comic books was no longer a point of contention, but revered among my peers. It was a time that felt nearly judgment free. Where I felt closest with everyone. To truly belong.
The film and buzz surrounding it acted as a wonderful “nightcap” to youthful innocence and childhood freedoms. A great “send off” to who we were as we marched forward towards a pivotal time of who we’d become.
Later that same summer on a particularly beautiful day we were all at the park playing baseball. The overwhelming success of the Spider-man movie urged the recent announcement of the forthcoming Spider-man 2. “It’s coming out in 2004!” I said defeated by the realization of the excruciating long wait. “Man, you guys think we’ll still be friends then?” I asked genuinely. We all chuckled and assured each other nothing would change. We all took our spots to play another sweaty unskilled game of baseball. That was the last summer we all hung out together.
Life moves fast. Change is constant. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Though unexpected, I was grateful this issue of Mad Magazine was so heavily riddled with game advertisements. My affinity for video games peaked during this era so these ads whirled up a stirring of thoughts I haven’t had in quite a time. Even though my favorite era of gaming has solidified itself in 8-bits, it has been a recent personal epiphany that the Playstation 2, in my opinion, may just be the best video game console of all time. Plus, there’s only so much to say about old body spray and Corn Nuts ads.
Yet, beyond a pixelated screen, I’ve reminisced about the summer of 2002. The fear and uncertainty of the time blended with my youth and innocence created an emotional cocktail that couldn’t nor shouldn’t be replicated. To get completely lost in something that I was going to indulge in anyway, but now with better reason. The burned Spider-man album (purchased by a friend from Best Buy 😉 being my soundtrack of the summer. Spider-man pop tarts being tossed in my backpack for summer snacking. Renting the video game and playing it relentlessly as it expanded the lore of the film. Reading the novelization ordered from Scholastic by gathering spare change from my junk drawer. My grandmother buying me a “Guide to Spider-man” from Waldenbooks as I meticulously combed my back issues for key moments.
Escapism at its finest. Because with the uncertainty of war, the economy, and all the other things you didn’t understand as an ignorant teenager…why not escape even for a little bit? Do one last favor for me…tonight, I’d like for you to sip an ice cold Dr. Pepper while watching the music video for “Hero” by Chad Kroger Ft. Josey Scott off the Spider-man soundtrack. And, if you can, think about where you were during that time…21 years ago! Because I guarantee the next 21 years are going to swing by in a flash. Will I still be writing this stuff?
Oh, and thanks for the other favor…reading the ramblings about insipid advertisements found in an issue of a satirical magazine old enough to play blackjack and sip bourbon. If we all think about Tobey Maguire hard enough, maybe he’ll stop snorting cocaine or whatever celebrities do and feel our thought-beams right now.
You’ll always find “insight” into comfy comic culture here on ChrisDoesComics.
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