Tag: video game

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Ad Nauseam: WWF BATTLEMANIA #1 

Well let me tell you somethin’, BROTHER! Ad Nauseam is back and bigger than ever, dude! I’m grabbin’ comic books by the neck and lifting them above my head to the screams of 10,000 Ad-a-manics. I’m crackin’ these guys open and pulling out some crunchy pages of pure consumer capitalism, JACK! We’re talkin’ toys, video games, movies, all that junk you crave! So the only question you have to ask yourself is whatcha gonna do, brother?! Whatcha gonna do when another entry of Ad Nauseam runs wild on yooooooouuuu?!    

Before big budget superhero flicks and shared Marvel cinematic universes; there was the golden age of professional wrestling. Meaty men in brightly colored tights dealing out superhero punishment in the name of cartoonish melodrama. So publishing comic books based on WWF feuds only makes sense. Talk about your pop culture coming full circle!

WWF BATTLEGROUND Released August 1991.

WWF Battlemania was a comic book series published by Valiant Comics that ran for 5 issues from August of 1991 to March 1992.  Each issue consists of two wrestling “feud” stories, a double-sided poster, and – due to licensing terms – several WWF related advertisements as well as a twelve-page WWF Merchandising Catalog. Obviously these comics being absolutely busting with vintage WWF advertisements is why they’re currently the main event of Ad Nauseam. This is where the power lies! 

So fasten your Python Power bandana, play some “Obsession” by Animotion, and read the rest of this paragraph in “Mene” Gene Okerlund’s voice: Its the moment none of you have been waiting for! Reading about 34 year old ads from a wrestling comic book! Can it get any sadder? It can! It will! So lets go down to the cyber ring for all the glorious ad-action!

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WWF Superstars for the Gameboy

These WWF titles on the NES and Gameboy were so damn enticing but always a let down. Each new game I’d always think would be different. To be able to have an official WWF wrestling match in your pocket or on your NES was what dreams were made of. But those dreams of winning the World Title at Wrestlemania had the “fun” of a frustrating pop quiz in your math class. I can only describe this era of WWF games like a clunkier Double Dragon. Every wrestler played the same. With small rosters. One or two match types. No taunts or “finisher” moves to be performed. I remember thinking the best thing about these games was hearing the 8 bit versions of a wrestler’s theme song at the selection screen. Mr. Perfect’s is still stuck in my head all these decades later. 

Hulk Hogan & Ultimate Warrior Garbage

Okay, I choose these two WWF offerings because just look at them. I mean, the slippers are goofy. Fun…but silly. The fact that there is a large plastic Hulk Hogan head adorning the tips of your feet sounds like a request some crazed flamboyant sultan would make. Yet if I received these as a gift on Christmas morning, I wouldn’t be disappointed. Afterall, you don’t have the best judgement as a child. And you love what you love. So these slippers are ridiculous but appropriate. 

Now the “chairs”. Holy God. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Even children of the 1980s had to think “Okay, now this is a little much.” A blue and red plastic chair sporting graphics of Hulk and Warrior on the seat and back would be just fine. But, instead, the designers of this thought it would be better to produce something out of your nightmares. A chair any child would think twice about sitting in. It’s like something out of Nightmare On Elm Street. Not to mention the simple reality that these are flesh colored plastic chairs of two shirtless hulking men that look like they’re constipated. They look like something you’d see at Elton John’s dinner table. 

Hulk Hogan Vitamins

When you’re a world renowned pop culture icon and one of your catchphrases is “Say your prayers and eat your vitamins!” I am not at all surprised that there were Hulk Hogan brand vitamins. I also wouldn’t be surprised to learn if WWF tried to release a Hulk Hogan companion Prayer Book. This ad claims Hulk’s vitamins are made with only natural flavors and colors as well as no preservatives. When it came to vitamins, personally I was a Flintstones kid. I’m not sure if taking Hulk’s vitamins would’ve made a difference as most of these pro wrestlers were as “natural” as a deep fried Oreo. But I do know I would’ve garnered far more respect if the vitamins gave me a handlebar mustache in 2nd grade. 

Lastly, it states that Hulk suggested “beta-carotene” be added. Which is a pigment (commonly found in colorful vegetables) that the body converts into vitamin A. Makes total sense as if you squint from enough distance Hulk Hogan looks like an unhinged sweet potato. 

Tiger Electronics

Can you believe this ad? The absolute gall. Shame on you, Tiger Electronics. “World’s Best Games”? What an absolute slap to my prepubescent face. 

You remember those awful Tiger Handheld LCD games? The ones we’d play because we couldn’t afford a Gameboy? We were told, “It’s the same thing, Spencer!” by our parental guardians. It wasn’t the same thing. It was beeping trash packaged in an impossible to open plastic shell for $19.99. Tiger Electronics would get the rights to some truly awesome video games like Mega Man 2, Tecmo Bowl, and Outrun. And then they’d create these simplistically braindead prehistoric “games” and package them in an alluring plastic shell complete with awesome official art and logos. 

Perhaps you’d receive one of these as a gift. Or see them on the store shelf and think to yourself, “Altered Beast?! I don’t even need a Sega Genesis?! And I can play it ANYWHERE?!” 

You just fell for the Tiger trap, bucko. 

The idea of just firing up your favorite video game during a car ride or waiting room was fantasy to me…because of course it was. These were not your favorite video games. These were essentially bedazzled smoke detectors wearing the skin of Sonic The Hedgehog 3. Barely resembling the title it claims to be that made you want it in the first place. An erroneous trickster playing on your childlike inhibitions. Waiting to let you down on your birthday or Christmas. Chirping happily through its plastic shell. Then, an advertisement like this pops up in your comic book. Claiming the title “World’s Best Games” as if it’s synonymous with Tiger Electronics.  

Tiger Electronics, I mean this from the bottom of my heart: Go suck a melon. 

Tonka WWF Wrestling Buddies 

The WWF Wrestling Buddies have to be one of the most ingenious and popular “dolls” for boys ever conceived. Growing up, these were a staple of nearly every friend I had. A Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior wrestling buddy was as common in a boys bedroom as a flipping bed. As a child, you watch wrestling to emanate wrestling. You bet I’m climbing to the “top rope” to deliver a devastating elbow drop as often as Randy Savage did. But some marketing wizard at Tonka Toys had the genius idea to replace your common boring pillow with a pillow shaped like a wrestler. Incredible. 

From the colorful alluring cartoonish designs, having “limbs”, to being nearly 2 feet in height…these toys were an absolute no-brainer when it came to boys and their natural masculine rage for wrasslin’! So much so that these have inspired generations of “wrestling” pillow buddies from the Ninja Turtles to Superheroes to even more wrestling promotions. They make “wrestling” buddies to “beat up” to this very day. As these are still a nostalgic staple of yesteryear and, no hyperbole, one of my personal favorite toys of all time. My Hulk Hogan “wrestling buddy” was part of my “decor” from childhood all the way to having my first apartment. 

Afterall, there are two types of people in this world: those who have a decorative pillow on their couch that reads “gather” and those who have a 2 foot stuffed Hulk Hogan on their couch that reads “Hulk Rules”. 

Suburban Commando

Suburban Commando is probably the movie trailer I’ve seen the most because it was shown at the beginning of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles home video. Seriously. The trailer, till this day, is ingrained into my brain permanently. I’ve seen the movie…don’t remember it…but the trailer? I could recite it beat for beat. I don’t remember much about this film other than 1.) It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be 2.) The Undertaker makes a cameo 3.) I WAS FROZEN TODAY. And 4.) I think there’s some interesting Alien makeup/creature towards the end. 

As much of a Hulkamanic I am, I can’t defend Hulk Hogan’s Hollywood career. Simply put: it’s lackluster. 1989’s No Holds Barred is probably his “best” film as a lead. But even that is because it’s certainly a product of its time oozing absolute cheese. Hogan was the first crossover celebrity in professional wrestling, so it made sense for his films to be low brow, silly, and child friendly. They were marketing to the wrestling demographic of the time. Yet, even as a child, I knew these were stinkers. Not even Hulk Hogan could save them. What was most frustrating was that Hulk was such a poor actor. When it came to the world of wrestling, The Hulkster had charisma and energy for miles. Entertained millions live. But on the silver screen…he was subdued, monotone, and awkward. Every movie you were waiting for the Hulk Hogan we all knew and loved to break through. But it never came. 

Rocky 3 is easily his best movie. It was also the movie that catapulted the character of Hulk Hogan. 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain is also some great 90s cheese. Hulk made a cameo in Muppets in Space. One of the worst Muppet movies.  

But my personal favorite Hulk Hogan role? His cameo in Gremlins 2: The New Batch. What a glorious time capsule.  

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And now the point of this article…

 I began by saying professional wrestling is like comic books: Bright larger-than-life chiseled characters adorned in spandex dealing out massive amounts of punishment for the sake of melodrama. Complete with confusing history, catchphrases, and merchandise. Each weekly wrestling show is a comic issue featuring story arcs, “one-offs”, “specials” and “double issues”. 

With that context, Hulk Hogan is the Superman of professional wrestling. The one who started it all. The blueprint for every “superhero” to follow. 

Hulk Hogan wasn’t just the face of an era of professional wrestling—he created the era. He didn’t ride the wave of sports entertainment; he was the wave. A cultural tsunami that took professional wrestling out of bingo halls and into the living rooms, stadiums, and hearts of the entire world. Without Hulk Hogan, the term ‘main event’ would never have meant the same thing. He captivated the globe. He made believers out of skeptics. He gave hope, strength, and spectacle. And whether you cheered him or booed him, one thing was undeniable: you watched him.

“Mouth Of The South” Jimmy Hart and I at Hogan’s Beach Shop in 2018

I’ve been a Hulkamaniac as early as I can remember. It was never a fandom of peaks and valleys. Anyone who has known me can tell you that I never treated it as a fad. 

For me, Hulk Hogan is Americana. Nostalgia. A warm positive feeling. Like hearing the theme song of your favorite childhood television show, taking a bite of your grandma’s home cooking, or fastening the cap of your favorite baseball team. 

The character of Hulk Hogan was present throughout my life and attached to comforting memories. Even shared between friends and family.  Beyond television, The Hulkster adorned my walls. Hulk showed up in the form of birthday and Christmas gifts. Magazines. Coliseum video tapes. I had epic “matches” against my Hulk Hogan pillow buddy. Bonded with fellow friends over his feuds and matches; fought over who would play as Hulk during those awful early WWF video games. 

As I grew into a young man, Hulkamania never faded. Just evolved with a newly perceived sense of nostalgia. A “Hulk Still Rules” t-shirt was my first internet purchase ever back in 2002. A Hulk Hogan poster adorned my wall in college.  “Real American” was my ringtone for over a decade. Weekly “TNA nights” with a friend as we’d reminisce of Hulk’s career while watching him on Monday’s “Impact Wrestling”. I had the privilege to be a part of the sea of Hulkamaniacs and watch him wrestle and appear live across multiple wrestling promotions. And as someone who witnessed it first hand several times, even in a smarky wrestling town like Chicago, the energy does change once the Hulkster makes his way to the ring. Pure charismatic electricity. That’s Hulkamania in full effect. 

As my wrestling fandom winded down and I donated the childhood toys, threw away the magazines, and sold the t-shirts; Hulk Hogan was the exception .Wrestlers come and go but , just like the nWo, once you’re a Hulkamaniac…you’re one 4 life. 

My Original Hulk Hogan Figure I’ve Had For As Long As I Remember. One of the ONLY original toys from my childhood I still own.

Not long ago when Hulk dropped the “Hollywood” for “Immortal” when being introduced, I had a dark intruding thought of when his day comes the irony would be palpable. But Hulk Hogan was immortal afterall. All the legendary wrestlers that have passed so young, Hulk was different. He was the guy. Not the top of the mountain. He was the mountain. But, time and again, life reminds us of its precious unpredictability.

I’m not someone who loses sleep over celebrity deaths. But, for my entire life, I was a solid subscriber to Hulkamania. Keeping up on all things Hogan. Hulk was always running wild. 

And then it all came crashing down. Terry Bollea passed away July 24th 2025 at the age of 71. Clear as day, on the social media I’d see what Hulk was always up to; suddenly proclaimed that he was gone. That fire was extinguished. 

It’s taken a few days for this realization to hit. You cannot let the opinions of others matter. The profound positive impact Hulk Hogan had on me as a child and adolescent is what matters most. I always looked up to him. Hulk Hogan brought me nothing but joy and entertainment for decades. Even as recently as this year, when “Real American” hits the arena; I’d be glued to my television. His message was strong and positive. The type of message a young man needs especially without a strong male figure in his life. Fight for the rights of every man. Fight for what’s right. Fight for your life! Believe in yourself, BROTHER.

 Hulkamania will continue to run wild. Because it’s more than just a flawed singular man. It always has been. The legacy of Hulk Hogan isn’t just etched in the history of WWE—it is the history. Everything within professional wrestling worldwide that followed stands on the shoulders of Hulkamania. And beyond that, Hulk Hogan is one of popular culture’s most iconic characters. He’s the representation of strength, power, charisma. A Real American. Hulk Hogan was the phenomenon. The template. Hulk Hogan was, and always will be…immortal, brother. 

You can read more in the Ad Nauseam Archive.

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Ad Nauseam: Superman And Bugs Bunny #1 

When writing the latest installment of Ad Nauseam, I honestly never know when I’ll be inspired next. The comic and ads have to be just right to stir up those nostalgic buried recollections as well as the ability to humorously riff on them. It’s safe to say that the comic featured today may quite possibly be one of my favorite pulls in Ad Nauseam history!

Superman & Bugs Bunny #1 released July 2000. 

A series of four issues released from July to October of 2000; Superman and Bugs Bunny was the first official crossover between the DC Universe and the Looney Tunes. 

During my time writing these, I’ve come across advertisements within comic books for things I had no idea existed; yet I could only desire for them to have been a part of my youth (for better or worse). But this is the first comic book I’ve come across that I wished fell into my pruney-summer Cheeto dusted 12 year old hands. Bugs Bunny and Superman are two of my favorite things after all; and they’re as American as deep fried Oreos and gas station slot machines. Unfortunately, post millennium, both these characters lose relevance as time marches on due to mismanagement by their Warner Brothers overlords. 

But we’ll sulk about the slow death of American pop culture icons in another pointless article. We have advertisements to chew the fat about! And this comic is practically obese with, what seems like, more advertisements than your standard 32 page comic book. So lets jump back to the summer of 2000: crack open this comic, blast the “Thong Song”, and be oblivious to the fact that every facet of American life will soon all be downhill from here. That’s All Folks!  

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Fruity Pebbles Free Movie Tickets

Fun fact you don’t care about: I love The Flintstones. 

I was the prime demographic for the 1994 live action film and ate that junk up like Dino with an oversized rack of brontosaurus ribs. I had the Happy Meal toys, a couple action figures, and a dream of one day owning a real life Dino the dinosaur. I was surprised when I learned how much vitriol the film received upon its release. So I recently revisited the 1994 film and, much to my surprise, it wasn’t half bad. The sets, costumes, and effects were solid as a rock. The soundtrack (led by the B-52s) was fun. And the plot, while overly complicated for a children’s movie, was competent. The Flintstones were always a lazily animated rip off of The Honeymooners to begin with, so I’m not sure what prehistoric sized stick critics had up their ass when this was released in 1994. 

Sequels were immediately planned but everything fell apart before it began. So 6 years after the first film we received a “prequel” with none of the original cast that Steven Speilberg didn’t even produce.  I’ll admit I only saw bits and pieces of this movie on television, yet I walked the entire set of “Rock Vegas” at Universal Studios Florida for a number of years. While I admit it had that Flintstones charm, it still didn’t make me want to see the movie. And, apparently, not even giving away movie tickets with the purchase of Fruity Pebbles worked as the movie bombed at the box office and is mostly forgotten. 

In 2025, I believe The Flintstones are largely forgotten and mostly associated with the cereal we’re seeing advertised here. And even though I love me some ‘Stones, I don’t trust their colorful sugary poisons. As I’m pretty sure their vitamins I took every morning were simply colorful rock candy with no nutritional value.  

Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour

The chaotic camaraderie that Mario Kart brought to gamers was something that was quickly duplicated by many game developers. More specifically with the release of Mario Kart 64, soon every property suddenly had a wacky racing game over the course of a couple years. While some were solid, most were uninspired ripoffs that made you appreciate how well the Mario Kart games were designed. 

Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour, besides having the longest name for a racing game ever, was actually a decent multiplayer racing game. But what personally set it apart was how each course was set within an “actual” depiction of Walt Disney World. Complete with music, sound effects/bytes, and environment. Before being able to watch 1440p walkthroughs and ride throughs of any Disney Park attraction on your phone, you used to have to simply recall with words to “relive” it.  This game was a nice little way to “retrace” your experience if you’ve visited Disney World, complete with the main menu taking you down Main Street U.S.A and selecting your course being a Disney park and attraction. I had a copy of this game on the Sega Dreamcast (remember that one?) years after it was released and I found it magically charming. Being a big Walt Disney World fan, I wasn’t even much into the racing aspect, as I normally selected “practice” mode and leisurely drove my go-kart to take in the sights; the Haunted Mansion course being my favorite. 

Being a 25 year old game now, I find it even more desirable. As it’s locked into a Disney “World” of the past when I loved it most. I previously played this game to remember what Disney World is, yet now I play it to remember what Disney World was.

Sportz Snacks 

There’s nothing quite as ironic as having a peak physical athlete at the top of their game being a spokesman for chemical laden junk food that will slowly kill you. That’s kind of the point of advertising though, isn’t it? Whoops, went a little too pessimistic there. 

So anyway, 

Ken Griffey Jr. reminds me of summertime. Playing baseball at a local park diamond. Sweating but loving it. Waiting for the sun to set so the fireflies would come out as you washed down some brightly colored sugar water given to you by your buddy’s mom. You were terrible but, damn it, it was baseball. And so was Ken Griffey Jr. Griffey was past his peak at this time. Notice he’s not even pictured eating the snack crackers. Just looking in the distance at something probably more important than sport-shaped snack crackers. And why wouldn’t he be? Griffey overcame suicide, had a line of baseball video games, and made guest appearances on Harry and the Hendersons, The Simpsons, and Fresh Price of Bel Air. 

Snack crackers are for small timers. Little leaguers, dig?

Wild Thornberry Cereal 

The best thing about coming across this ad was that it led me to a Breakfast Cereal wikipedia. And when I was delighted to find out they had an entry for Wild Thornberry Cereal, it just turns out it’s a page that simply says “This was indeed a cereal”. But it wasn’t a complete loss, as I discovered a website called “The Boxtop” (except the URL is not that in the slightest). It’s a blog for “Cerealists” established in 1999 with the latest entry going up to 2016. I recommend clicking around to witness the hodgepodge of culture you can only find from a web 1.0 blog. The Boxtop aka LavaSurfer.com aka Topher’s Castle also links several other cereal blogs. And I always get a little sad when the links lead to a broken page. But there still is one active link: Cerealously.net. I absolutely adore eccentric creativity like this that made the early days of the internet such a pandora’s box of adventure. 

Here’s Rick’s brief review from The Boxtop:

Boxtop visitor, Rick Barr, sent us this scan of a new “Limited Edition” cereal from Post based upon the Nickelodeon cartoon series The Wild Thornberry’s. Rick reports that the cereal “is great stuff… very sweet. Tastes like Sugar Smacks with marshmallows. If you like Sugar Smacks you’ll love this cereal. I’m a sucker for new cereal — got to try anything new.”

The Wild Thornberrys were my “exit stage left” when it came to the entertainment of “Nicktoons”. I was lucky enough to grow up alongside the golden era of Nickelodeon. Adoring such originals as Ren and Stimpy, Rocko’s Modern Life, Rugrats, and that prepubescent milquetoast cuck Doug . And I’m not even mentioning the iconic game shows and sitcoms. Yet, come the millennium, when a new lineup of original cartoons debuted I yearned for “my” cartoons. Yet I soon realized that it was simply time for me to change the channel, as I’m not the demographic any longer. Spongebob, Rocket Power, As Told By Ginger, Chalk Zone, and The Wild Thornberrys were shows that made me realize that perhaps I am too old for this stuff.

NesQuik 

I’m not certain, but I want to say the direction of this NesQuik ad was to parody the masculine cowboy smoking print ads of the time. If that’s the case, I find it pretty funny and an example of the creativity that would likely be stifled by today’s standards. Even though we’re in the middle of the year 2000, that 1990’s counterculture “edge” is still peaking through. I’d counter this ad with Toucan Sam giving Joe Camel a bowl of Froot Loops. 

Trivia: Did you know Marlboro cigarettes were originally marketed for women? Looking to expand their market, they began the rugged cowboy marketing images in the 1950s and soon became a “man”’s brand. Neat! 

The Mask/Pee Wee DVD

The most bizarre double feature at first…but also the best double feature of all time? 

So why are they advertising Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (15 years old at this point). and The Mask (a ripe 6 years old)? Because they’re fresh on DVD! The great conversion! Perhaps you bought your favorite records on cassette…then your favorite cassettes on CDs. 

If you notice, The Mask’s cover clearly states “This Film Edited For Family Viewing”.  I tried to look into what this means exactly but found no specific information other than “it has some obscenities and profanities removed”. If you go back and watch The Mask as an adult, you immediately realize that the zany-campy-cartoony overlay is mere makeup on a very twisted, violent, and even promiscuous movie. Which still dials down the source material in which it’s based on. But I can immediately see some parents “falling” for what was marketed as a “real life” cartoon character portrayed by peak-wacky Jim Carrey. The magic of The Mask is in the same vein as Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, but feels more Judge Doom than Roger. 

Superman Got Milk? 

The “Got Milk?” ad campaign is a true staple of the 1990s. A verifiable “who’s who?” of pop culture. If you didn’t have a milk mustache in some print ad for “got milk?” did you even really make it? It was like getting your own Spaghetti O shape or “READ” poster. Starting commercials in 1993 with the print ads following in 1995, you almost felt vindicated when someone you admired was featured in a “Got Milk?” ad. My favorites being Stone Cold Steve Austin and even freakin’ Spider-man. So it makes sense that Superman would be featured, as he is the “Man of Steel” after all. And “milk builds strong bones”, right? That was the whole point of the ad campaign. 

Well, actually it doesn’t. In fact, apparently the more milk you drink…the more likely your bones will break. That’s “Big Milk” for you. If I had a nickel for everytime a big corporation lied to me, they’d call me “Nickel-Man” because I would be known worldwide for having so many nickels. And people would be like, “Hey why don’t you deposit all those nickels, you’d have a fortune…” and I’d reply, “Why don’t you mind your own business? Then why would I be called Nickel-Man to begin with? Then Big Milk would just be lying to some guy that has a lot of money” and they would be like, “Hey what are you talking about? Big Milk? What do you mean?” and I’d just go “Ahh, forget it!” and motion that “nevermind” sign with my hands and go back into my Nickel cottage. 

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Well, that about closes the comic on another exciting installment of Ad Nauseam! From cereals to Nesquik to Got Milk? ads, I didn’t expect to get so milk heavy in this article but here we are. I hope none of our readers are lactose intolerant. My favorite part of writing this article in particular was browsing those cereal blogs. I briefly mentioned how much I adore the eccentric creativity that made the early days of the internet such a pandora’s box of adventure. And I truly do. People carving out their own personal niche corner of the limitless lawless internet. Dedicating time, design, and buying a domain to create a digital shrine of your passion.  Aspects like this still exist through social media. But social media is too autonomous and self defeating. But I suppose that’s “evolution” when it comes to our modern internet. 

I recommend reading the actual issues of Superman and Bugs Bunny as it’s expertly written and illustrated. If you’re into that sort of thing. It was during this time that “evolution” hit both of these American pop culture staples. As time marched on in the new millennium, the Looney Tunes and Superman became less relevant by the year. And, beginning with the 9/11 terrorist attacks, our country became more pessimistic, angry, and fearful than ever. And I don’t believe we ever shook that. The hate, fear, and division is stronger than ever. Our country could use the silly escapism of Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tunes. And we can certainly use the hope, unity, and optimism of Superman. But I don’t know if we’ll ever get those days back. I guess that’s why nostalgia exists in the first place. Thanks for reading about 25 year old ads found in a silly comic book crossover.      

You can read more in the Ad Nauseam Archive.

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Ad Nauseam: Mad Magazine #418

You can find previous “Ad Nauseam”s here.

Oh no, everyone, it’s Ad Nauseam! Articles in which I gaze back at ancient advertisements of youth, wonder where time has gone, and realize all the vapid gutter trash that was marketed into my tiny malleable eyeballs. Yes, I’m still doing this. 

Sam Raimi’s Summer Blockbuster Spider-man turned 21 years old last month. It can legally drink the champagne I’m toasting it with. The film (and the countdown surrounding it) holds a very special place in my heart. The summer months of 2002 was a coming-of-age story filled with angst, Spider-man Poptarts, romance, and attempts at making my own webshooters. 

But that is a tale for another time. I’d still like to honor the legacy of the original Spider-man movie on its anniversary(ish) as we dissect the ads within Mad Magazine #418 released June 2002. 

MAD MAGAZINE #418 JUNE 2002

Mad Magazine is a satirical comic-turned-magazine first published back in 1952. Understand, when it came to parody and satire, Mad was the first of its kind. Its circulation peaked in the early 1970s, and the humor within its pages influenced generations of comedy writers that infiltrated the roots of comedic pop culture itself. From The Tonight Show to SNL to The Simpsons, Mad competed with itself when it came to topical humor. No subject was off limits to Mad Magazine. Today, You can head to your local grocery store and be able to find Mad on the magazine rack. And in this day and age, staying power is rare. 

This issue of Mad was purchased solely for this article. Sad. It’s the first and only issue of Mad Magazine that I’ve ever owned. Yet Mad is no stranger, as I’ve thumbed through my share of issues over the decades. Whether loaned from friends or watching Madtv, I was more than acquainted with their age-old mascot: Alfred E. Neuman. Mad has permeated American pop culture in a way that even if you don’t know it…on some level…you probably do. 

Mad Magazine was also AD-FREE from April 1957 to February 2001(no advertisers means no one is off limits to pick on). But this particular issue being the subject of an Ad Nauseam article means it’s chock full of dated advertisements. Bad for Mad readers back then. Good for my readers today. All three of you. 

So crank up some Linkin Park and lets sling a web through this 21 year old issue of an American comedic institution. Our Spidersense tingling being our only warning of the ads inside! What-me worry? 

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SOUTH PARK RETURNS

Crude and Outrageous. An ad that truly represents the foundation of South Park. This concept is also a representation of eXtRemE “attitude” pop culture embraced by the late 1990s. By mid-2002 the adult animated show was in the middle of its sixth season. South Park is still popular by today’s standards. Though the mention of it still takes me back to those first couple years or, what I personally call, The South Park epidemic of the late 1990s. 

South Park debuted in late 1997. It was far more immoral and inappropriate than The Simpsons that debuted just 7 years prior. And its humor was sharper than MTV’s Beavis and Butthead. It was an immediate success, at least in my juvenile social circle, and christened “must see tv” as it was a trendy target among parents and teachers alike. It took the heat off of Bart Simpson and Mortal Kombat. South Park was the newest outrage causing trend within the “degradation of youth” category. 

I can only relate The South Park epidemic to be in the same vein as “The Red Scare” within certain households and my school. Teachers outlawed discussion of South Park. South Park apparel was banned. I recall one particular instance where a friend innocently drew a cow on our chalkboard during indoor recess and was subsequently punished with a detention because the teacher felt the cow “looked too similar to cows from South Park”. 

It truly is something when a child recognizes ignorant paranoia spread by their adult “superiors”. 

Personally, I did my fair share of South Park “smuggling”. Watching it in secret at my grandparents home. Sneaking in an episode at a friend’s house when their parents were out. I regularly wore a “Many Deaths of Kenny” shirt under my sweater at school. I attached a South Park keychain to my backpack. It was as big as it was because it was forbidden. It was an act of rebellion. Mortal Kombat ate my quarters because mom didn’t want me playing it. We quoted Bart Simpson because parents urged him to be the downfall of innocence. We devoured South Park because it became the next in line for parental outrage. 

The more things change the more they stay the same I suppose. 

Editor’s Note: That “Many Deaths of Kenny” shirt was purchased by my mom as a birthday gift for me. She was an overworked single parent that didn’t have time to be upset over a silly television show. She knew she raised a level headed responsible son. She realized the trend and ,in her exhaustion, simply let me embrace my interests. I truly appreciated that. It meant a lot, mom. Violent television and video games didn’t rot my brain. It just made me write dozens of redundant blog articles. Not too shabby I’d say. 

THE BEST BUY CD SECTION

I never thought I’d see the day where the idea of physically owning music by purchasing it at a brick and mortar music store would be practically extinct. Afterall, it’s something humans have been doing since the late 1800s. Though still young in the grand scheme of civilization, I suppose I never thought things would change so quickly as I grasped my Papa Roach CD…thinking I’d have to do this forever. Are album releases even a big thing anymore? I guarantee you haven’t even thought about heading to the CD section in what feels like ages. Go find one in a store sometime (if they even have one) and bask at its insignificance. Even though music is anything but insignificant. 

 Best Buy did have one of the best CD sections available. As you can tell from the delighted young hip and fresh looking guy in the ad. I forgot that early 2000s “style” for young men was “Shaggy’s snowboarding cousin”. My god…a soul patch and puka shell necklace? ZOINKS. Who wants to bet this “bra” is wearing Anchor Blue jeans and eyeing a “Taproot” album? Anyway…at Best Buy each genre of music had nearly 2 and a half loooong aisles to browse. As the CD section in this ad isn’t exaggerating as it mimics the warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark. 

I had a Best Buy attached(ish) to the local mall. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for a bunch of boys to split the price of a CD…as long as one of us had a burner to duplicate it. Suddenly that steep $17.99 price tag for the Fast and Furious soundtrack turns into less than $5. With enough dough left over for an overly dry slice of Sbarro pizza and a pickup game of Soul Caliber. Now I can harvest practically any piece of music of any era from the supercomputer in my pocket for free and share it with my entire personalized network of thousands of people almost instantly. 

Impressive? Technically yes. Better? Well, there’s no Icee to sip while browsing. And I don’t have Billy or Kris to kick my tush in Soul Caliber anymore. So…no. 

Another instance in “You just had to be there.” I guess. 

DEAD TO RIGHTS and BLOODRAYNE

Here we have two video games concerning Vigilantes and Vampires. I’m confident those were my career goals in high school. As I’m typing this I realize those paths aren’t out of the question now either. 

Dead To Rights was about a cop with a dog cop set on a path of revenge through a dark spooky corrupt city. The cop was taking revenge. Not the dog. Or maybe they both were. I don’t remember. It was capitalizing on the acclaimed Max Payne video game but without the hint of self awareness. At the time, I was practically snorting ashes of Punisher comic books daily so I was there for it. I also had no hint of self awareness. The selling point of the game (besides the need for violence and justice) was being able to control the dog; functioning as a sort of “special power” used to disarm and weaken your enemies. I rented this game and was excited to entrench myself in its world…but I recall the clunky controls dampering my enjoyment. I didn’t even finish it. But that didn’t stop me from putting on my thrift store trenchcoat and shoot down imaginary drug dealers with a nerf gun. It’s sad when I type that out. 

The sexy vampire’s name is BLOODRAYNE. One word. Rayne is spelled with a “y”. She’s wearing leather pants. If you do not think of the 2000s when I explain this to you I guess we can’t be friends. Thanks to Buffy The Vampire Slayer, I was peak vampire-kid at the time. I watched vampire movies. Read vampire books. And even made an emergency vampire hunter kit using junk found around my grandparents house. It’s sad when I type that out. Naturally (or sUpeRnAtUralLy) I found out about Bloodrayne when researching “vampire video games where you can suck blood” on the internet. In order to replenish your health, you can hop onto enemies and bite their neck until they die. That’s so vampire, man. I was sold. I purchased a preowned copy of Bloodrayne for under $20 and fondly remember it. 

I can’t recall it verbatim, but you played as this goth vampire woman with giant blades attached to her arms that murdered Nazis. It turned out to be a World War II thing. I was caught off guard yet intrigued. The game consisted of you running around, with bouncing boob physics, slicing up Nazis into bloody puddles. I was the demographic. It was a delight. 

Apparently there are 3 movies based off these games and I find that just incredible considering most people don’t know what this trash is or was. There are 3 Bloodrayne movies. Don’t give up on your dreams, kids.  

SPIDER-MAN: THE MOVIE: THE VIDEO GAME: THE ADVERTISEMENT

For me, the only thing trailing the hype of the Spider-man movie had to be the Spider-man video game. That summer, If any piece of hardware in existence could play a video game, there would be a Spider-man game released for it. 

A friend of mine brought a magazine to class that had an extensive preview of this game. It’s how we got better looks at the movie versions of Spidey and Green Goblin. It was also written in the gameplay details when we learned that Spider-man had “organic” webshooters. It was little nuggets like this that added to the feeling of excitement for a summer blockbuster. Myself and a small group of friends were still riding that high of Activison’s Spider-man game released on the Playstation only 2 years prior. We still spoke of the animated series and comic books. Yet, we were at an age where we were expected to grow out of cartoons, comics, and toys. That was something I knew I simply couldn’t do…nor did I want to. And I loved that I was able to brazenly share my excitement for Spider-man proudly with others. 

This particular ad was slapped in every comic book and magazine at the time. I even remember it showing up in an issue of a school magazine/workbook we partook in every month. The marketing being a sign of the times. If we wanted to see the trailer, you had to be in a movie theater. If you wanted to see images, you picked up a magazine. If you wanted to see the poster, you walked to a bus stop. If you yearned for “scoops” and “rumors”, it was an arduous game of telephone. Also telephones had cords and were attached to walls. But at this point, this is how it’s always been. What made the experience of Spider-man so unique for me, was that all of this was changing for the first time. Computers. Internet. Cell phones. The digital age was becoming more pertinent by the week. And I was truly noticing it. This fresh era of convenience rearing its cyber-head. 

Regardless, Spider-man was everywhere. Television, grocery aisles, print, and computers. And change was surrounding us. The rippling effect of the recent September 11th attacks and current war on terrorism. The new and exciting reliance of technology beginning to change our daily routine. Graduating to attend a massive high school. The realization that familiarity and friendships forged for most of your life are bound to drift away. 

Spider-man acted as a final reprisal of childhood. An age where any adult would say, “Aren’t you too old for that?”, yet we fully embraced the childishness. From shooting webshooters found in our cereal boxes in the Chicago alleyways to discussing possible villains in the next Spider-man movie. Reality seemed scarier than ever, a sudden realization stricken amongst every walk of life within the United States. And, at my childish level, I felt we were all caught in Spidey’s web of pure escapism. Spider-man swung in bringing back some much needed fun and innocence. Suddenly my knowledge of comic books was no longer a point of contention, but revered among my peers. It was a time that felt nearly judgment free. Where I felt closest with everyone. To truly belong. 

The film and buzz surrounding it acted as a wonderful “nightcap” to youthful innocence and childhood freedoms. A great “send off” to who we were as we marched forward towards a pivotal time of who we’d become. 

Later that same summer on a particularly beautiful day we were all at the park playing baseball. The overwhelming success of the Spider-man movie urged the recent announcement of the forthcoming Spider-man 2. “It’s coming out in 2004!” I said defeated by the realization of the excruciating long wait. “Man, you guys think we’ll still be friends then?” I asked genuinely. We all chuckled and assured each other nothing would change. We all took our spots to play another sweaty unskilled game of baseball. That was the last summer we all hung out together. 

Life moves fast. Change is constant. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

————————————————————————————-

Though unexpected, I was grateful this issue of Mad Magazine was so heavily riddled with game advertisements. My affinity for video games peaked during this era so these ads whirled up a stirring of thoughts I haven’t had in quite a time. Even though my favorite era of gaming has solidified itself in 8-bits, it has been a recent personal epiphany that the Playstation 2, in my opinion, may just be the best video game console of all time. Plus, there’s only so much to say about old body spray and Corn Nuts ads. 

Yet, beyond a pixelated screen, I’ve reminisced about the summer of 2002. The fear and uncertainty of the time blended with my youth and innocence created an emotional cocktail that couldn’t nor shouldn’t be replicated. To get completely lost in something that I was going to indulge in anyway, but now with better reason. The burned Spider-man album (purchased by a friend from Best Buy 😉 being my soundtrack of the summer. Spider-man pop tarts being tossed in my backpack for summer snacking. Renting the video game and playing it relentlessly as it expanded the lore of the film. Reading the novelization ordered from Scholastic by gathering spare change from my junk drawer. My grandmother buying me a “Guide to Spider-man” from Waldenbooks as I meticulously combed my back issues for key moments. 

Escapism at its finest. Because with the uncertainty of war, the economy, and all the other things you didn’t understand as an ignorant teenager…why not escape even for a little bit? Do one last  favor for me…tonight, I’d like for you to sip an ice cold Dr. Pepper while watching the music video for “Hero” by Chad Kroger Ft. Josey Scott off the Spider-man soundtrack. And, if you can, think about where you were during that time…21 years ago! Because I guarantee the next 21 years are going to swing by in a flash. Will I still be writing this stuff?

Oh, and thanks for the other favor…reading the ramblings about insipid advertisements found in an issue of a satirical magazine old enough to play blackjack and sip bourbon. If we all think about Tobey Maguire hard enough, maybe he’ll stop snorting cocaine or whatever celebrities do and feel our thought-beams right now. 

You’ll always find “insight” into comfy comic culture here on ChrisDoesComics.