Been on an alien kick as of late. Nothing in particular, just everything in general. An often overlooked nook of pop culture in the 1990s, little green aliens were everywhere. I remember having stickers, folders, buckets hats, inflatable bats, and bendy figures of generic green aliens. In a way, I miss that. So here’s my homage on our little green friends from lightyears beyond.
Also this made me think of a delicious stringy piece of pizza or grilled cheese.
A local toy store I frequent had begun selling online for the first time due to COVID-19 impacting their business. Though nothing stood out to me at first, I decided that I really wanted to feel good about myself that day and let everyone know what an honorable saint I am. Craving that familiar dopamine rush and the possibility of writing about more garbage, I decided to take the plunge on a $9 Star Wars Electronic LCD game.
And here we are.
I may be $9 poorer and have 2 less AA batteries in my life…butin return I’ve gained one more brain rotting article for your reading pleasure! Oh and also the Star Wars game too. That’s right. I got that.
Often referred to as the “We Can’t Afford a Gameboy” gift, these LCD handheld games littered store shelves and junk drawers throughout the 1990s. I was guilty of having some of these games (I recall Jurassic Park and Power Rangers) as they’re known for bringing minutes of entertainment and being no child’s favorite anything. Just insert a couple batteries so these plastic waffles could annoyingly chirp as you tilt it in every possible direction just to see the screen. You then maniacally pound the buttons so it reacts in a manner resembling a real video game. After a few minutes of confusion and irritation you toss it in your sock drawer realizing you were gifted a fire alarm merely disguising itself as Sonic the Hedgehog 2.
Star Wars: THE ELECTRONIC LCD GAME was released in 1991 by Micro Games of America. It’s based on the 1977 indie cult classic called Star Wars. More specifically, the Tie Fighter/X-Wing dogfight from the end of A New Hope. I found out there’s a reissued version with a much cooler face sticker and packaging featuring a gold reflective logo…but here I am with this one. Could’ve put Vader and Luke on it because that’s the part of the movie the game’s based on but…nah…here’s two robots.
I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
But, as it turns out, this game actually isn’t too bad. Imagine Space Invaders with a dash of Galaga run through a cheap LCD filter and you’ve got this game. The rules are simple: Tie Fighters rush in from the top to the bottom of the screen. You shoot them with your X-Wing. If you miss, the Tie Fighter stalls behind you and may attack while you continue your game. You get hit 3 times…the game is over. There are 8 levels. And the Tie Fighters fly faster with every level. Bada Bing Bada Boom. That’s Star Wars the Electronic LCD game.
The manual doesn’t outright say you’re playing as Luke Skywalker. And there’s no way to “win” the game…you play until you die to get a high score. And we all know Luke doesn’t die in A New Hope (Disney kills him.). So, in my head, I’d like to christen this as Jek Porkins: The Video Game. And, yes, I believe playing in this state of mind does indeed make it better.
The biggest let down for this game was it didn’t play a single Star Wars jingle. You get your generic beeps and boops these games are known for, but at least let me hear a rendered 4 bit chiptune of the Star Wars song. You know the one. We all do. Instead, we get some generic sounding drivel that doesn’t even remotely remind you of any sort of galaxy far far away.
Gameplay is simple and fun
Keeps your high score
Works as a drink coaster
No Star Wars Jingle!
Doesn’t Turn Off
Could’ve used a Vader “Boss” Tie Fighter Level
Overall, I give 3 outta 5 Bib Fortunas
I have yet to see these types of games “fondly remembered” by my generation. They were primitive (even back then) and the most popular games were “alright” at best. These aren’t anything I seek or collect and view them as “bottom of the barrel” nostalgia grabs. Yet what’s funny is that when I got this in the mail, I still got that jolt of childlike wonderment. I started wondering how it would play and what it would be like. Perhaps I got “one of the good ones?”. I haven’t received one of these games in probably close to 20 plus years, so I found it interesting that when I got this game…my brain registered it as if nothing had changed. I had the exact same thoughts and simmering excitement as I popped the batteries into this thing.
Then the weird electronic carnival music immediately played and I thought, “Oh, that’s right. These were always trash.”