childhood – ChrisDoesComics.com

06/28/202307/21/2023

Ad Nauseam: Mad Magazine #418

You can find previous “Ad Nauseam”s here.

Oh no, everyone, it’s Ad Nauseam! Articles in which I gaze back at ancient advertisements of youth, wonder where time has gone, and realize all the vapid gutter trash that was marketed into my tiny malleable eyeballs. Yes, I’m still doing this.

Sam Raimi’s Summer Blockbuster Spider-man turned 21 years old last month. It can legally drink the champagne I’m toasting it with. The film (and the countdown surrounding it) holds a very special place in my heart. The summer months of 2002 was a coming-of-age story filled with angst, Spider-man Poptarts, romance, and attempts at making my own webshooters.

But that is a tale for another time. I’d still like to honor the legacy of the original Spider-man movie on its anniversary(ish) as we dissect the ads within Mad Magazine #418 released June 2002.

Mad Magazine is a satirical comic-turned-magazine first published back in 1952. Understand, when it came to parody and satire, Mad was the first of its kind. Its circulation peaked in the early 1970s, and the humor within its pages influenced generations of comedy writers that infiltrated the roots of comedic pop culture itself. From The Tonight Show to SNL to The Simpsons, Mad competed with itself when it came to topical humor. No subject was off limits to Mad Magazine. Today, You can head to your local grocery store and be able to find Mad on the magazine rack. And in this day and age, staying power is rare.

This issue of Mad was purchased solely for this article. Sad. It’s the first and only issue of Mad Magazine that I’ve ever owned. Yet Mad is no stranger, as I’ve thumbed through my share of issues over the decades. Whether loaned from friends or watching Madtv, I was more than acquainted with their age-old mascot: Alfred E. Neuman. Mad has permeated American pop culture in a way that even if you don’t know it…on some level…you probably do.

Mad Magazine was also AD-FREE from April 1957 to February 2001(no advertisers means no one is off limits to pick on). But this particular issue being the subject of an Ad Nauseam article means it’s chock full of dated advertisements. Bad for Mad readers back then. Good for my readers today. All three of you.

So crank up some Linkin Park and lets sling a web through this 21 year old issue of an American comedic institution. Our Spidersense tingling being our only warning of the ads inside! What-me worry?

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SOUTH PARK RETURNS

Crude and Outrageous. An ad that truly represents the foundation of South Park. This concept is also a representation of eXtRemE “attitude” pop culture embraced by the late 1990s. By mid-2002 the adult animated show was in the middle of its sixth season. South Park is still popular by today’s standards. Though the mention of it still takes me back to those first couple years or, what I personally call, The South Park epidemic of the late 1990s.

South Park debuted in late 1997. It was far more immoral and inappropriate than The Simpsons that debuted just 7 years prior. And its humor was sharper than MTV’s Beavis and Butthead. It was an immediate success, at least in my juvenile social circle, and christened “must see tv” as it was a trendy target among parents and teachers alike. It took the heat off of Bart Simpson and Mortal Kombat. South Park was the newest outrage causing trend within the “degradation of youth” category.

I can only relate The South Park epidemic to be in the same vein as “The Red Scare” within certain households and my school. Teachers outlawed discussion of South Park. South Park apparel was banned. I recall one particular instance where a friend innocently drew a cow on our chalkboard during indoor recess and was subsequently punished with a detention because the teacher felt the cow “looked too similar to cows from South Park”.

It truly is something when a child recognizes ignorant paranoia spread by their adult “superiors”.

Personally, I did my fair share of South Park “smuggling”. Watching it in secret at my grandparents home. Sneaking in an episode at a friend’s house when their parents were out. I regularly wore a “Many Deaths of Kenny” shirt under my sweater at school. I attached a South Park keychain to my backpack. It was as big as it was because it was forbidden. It was an act of rebellion. Mortal Kombat ate my quarters because mom didn’t want me playing it. We quoted Bart Simpson because parents urged him to be the downfall of innocence. We devoured South Park because it became the next in line for parental outrage.

The more things change the more they stay the same I suppose.

Editor’s Note: That “Many Deaths of Kenny” shirt was purchased by my mom as a birthday gift for me. She was an overworked single parent that didn’t have time to be upset over a silly television show. She knew she raised a level headed responsible son. She realized the trend and ,in her exhaustion, simply let me embrace my interests. I truly appreciated that. It meant a lot, mom. Violent television and video games didn’t rot my brain. It just made me write dozens of redundant blog articles. Not too shabby I’d say.

THE BEST BUY CD SECTION

I never thought I’d see the day where the idea of physically owning music by purchasing it at a brick and mortar music store would be practically extinct. Afterall, it’s something humans have been doing since the late 1800s. Though still young in the grand scheme of civilization, I suppose I never thought things would change so quickly as I grasped my Papa Roach CD…thinking I’d have to do this forever. Are album releases even a big thing anymore? I guarantee you haven’t even thought about heading to the CD section in what feels like ages. Go find one in a store sometime (if they even have one) and bask at its insignificance. Even though music is anything but insignificant.

Best Buy did have one of the best CD sections available. As you can tell from the delighted young hip and fresh looking guy in the ad. I forgot that early 2000s “style” for young men was “Shaggy’s snowboarding cousin”. My god…a soul patch and puka shell necklace? ZOINKS. Who wants to bet this “bra” is wearing Anchor Blue jeans and eyeing a “Taproot” album? Anyway…at Best Buy each genre of music had nearly 2 and a half loooong aisles to browse. As the CD section in this ad isn’t exaggerating as it mimics the warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

I had a Best Buy attached(ish) to the local mall. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for a bunch of boys to split the price of a CD…as long as one of us had a burner to duplicate it. Suddenly that steep $17.99 price tag for the Fast and Furious soundtrack turns into less than $5. With enough dough left over for an overly dry slice of Sbarro pizza and a pickup game of Soul Caliber. Now I can harvest practically any piece of music of any era from the supercomputer in my pocket for free and share it with my entire personalized network of thousands of people almost instantly.

Impressive? Technically yes. Better? Well, there’s no Icee to sip while browsing. And I don’t have Billy or Kris to kick my tush in Soul Caliber anymore. So…no.

Another instance in “You just had to be there.” I guess.

DEAD TO RIGHTS and BLOODRAYNE

Here we have two video games concerning Vigilantes and Vampires. I’m confident those were my career goals in high school. As I’m typing this I realize those paths aren’t out of the question now either.

Dead To Rights was about a cop with a dog cop set on a path of revenge through a dark spooky corrupt city. The cop was taking revenge. Not the dog. Or maybe they both were. I don’t remember. It was capitalizing on the acclaimed Max Payne video game but without the hint of self awareness. At the time, I was practically snorting ashes of Punisher comic books daily so I was there for it. I also had no hint of self awareness. The selling point of the game (besides the need for violence and justice) was being able to control the dog; functioning as a sort of “special power” used to disarm and weaken your enemies. I rented this game and was excited to entrench myself in its world…but I recall the clunky controls dampering my enjoyment. I didn’t even finish it. But that didn’t stop me from putting on my thrift store trenchcoat and shoot down imaginary drug dealers with a nerf gun. It’s sad when I type that out.

The sexy vampire’s name is BLOODRAYNE. One word. Rayne is spelled with a “y”. She’s wearing leather pants. If you do not think of the 2000s when I explain this to you I guess we can’t be friends. Thanks to Buffy The Vampire Slayer, I was peak vampire-kid at the time. I watched vampire movies. Read vampire books. And even made an emergency vampire hunter kit using junk found around my grandparents house. It’s sad when I type that out. Naturally (or sUpeRnAtUralLy) I found out about Bloodrayne when researching “vampire video games where you can suck blood” on the internet. In order to replenish your health, you can hop onto enemies and bite their neck until they die. That’s so vampire, man. I was sold. I purchased a preowned copy of Bloodrayne for under $20 and fondly remember it.

I can’t recall it verbatim, but you played as this goth vampire woman with giant blades attached to her arms that murdered Nazis. It turned out to be a World War II thing. I was caught off guard yet intrigued. The game consisted of you running around, with bouncing boob physics, slicing up Nazis into bloody puddles. I was the demographic. It was a delight.

Apparently there are 3 movies based off these games and I find that just incredible considering most people don’t know what this trash is or was. There are 3 Bloodrayne movies. Don’t give up on your dreams, kids.

SPIDER-MAN: THE MOVIE: THE VIDEO GAME: THE ADVERTISEMENT

For me, the only thing trailing the hype of the Spider-man movie had to be the Spider-man video game. That summer, If any piece of hardware in existence could play a video game, there would be a Spider-man game released for it.

A friend of mine brought a magazine to class that had an extensive preview of this game. It’s how we got better looks at the movie versions of Spidey and Green Goblin. It was also written in the gameplay details when we learned that Spider-man had “organic” webshooters. It was little nuggets like this that added to the feeling of excitement for a summer blockbuster. Myself and a small group of friends were still riding that high of Activison’s Spider-man game released on the Playstation only 2 years prior. We still spoke of the animated series and comic books. Yet, we were at an age where we were expected to grow out of cartoons, comics, and toys. That was something I knew I simply couldn’t do…nor did I want to. And I loved that I was able to brazenly share my excitement for Spider-man proudly with others.

This particular ad was slapped in every comic book and magazine at the time. I even remember it showing up in an issue of a school magazine/workbook we partook in every month. The marketing being a sign of the times. If we wanted to see the trailer, you had to be in a movie theater. If you wanted to see images, you picked up a magazine. If you wanted to see the poster, you walked to a bus stop. If you yearned for “scoops” and “rumors”, it was an arduous game of telephone. Also telephones had cords and were attached to walls. But at this point, this is how it’s always been. What made the experience of Spider-man so unique for me, was that all of this was changing for the first time. Computers. Internet. Cell phones. The digital age was becoming more pertinent by the week. And I was truly noticing it. This fresh era of convenience rearing its cyber-head.

Regardless, Spider-man was everywhere. Television, grocery aisles, print, and computers. And change was surrounding us. The rippling effect of the recent September 11th attacks and current war on terrorism. The new and exciting reliance of technology beginning to change our daily routine. Graduating to attend a massive high school. The realization that familiarity and friendships forged for most of your life are bound to drift away.

Spider-man acted as a final reprisal of childhood. An age where any adult would say, “Aren’t you too old for that?”, yet we fully embraced the childishness. From shooting webshooters found in our cereal boxes in the Chicago alleyways to discussing possible villains in the next Spider-man movie. Reality seemed scarier than ever, a sudden realization stricken amongst every walk of life within the United States. And, at my childish level, I felt we were all caught in Spidey’s web of pure escapism. Spider-man swung in bringing back some much needed fun and innocence. Suddenly my knowledge of comic books was no longer a point of contention, but revered among my peers. It was a time that felt nearly judgment free. Where I felt closest with everyone. To truly belong.

The film and buzz surrounding it acted as a wonderful “nightcap” to youthful innocence and childhood freedoms. A great “send off” to who we were as we marched forward towards a pivotal time of who we’d become.

Later that same summer on a particularly beautiful day we were all at the park playing baseball. The overwhelming success of the Spider-man movie urged the recent announcement of the forthcoming Spider-man 2. “It’s coming out in 2004!” I said defeated by the realization of the excruciating long wait. “Man, you guys think we’ll still be friends then?” I asked genuinely. We all chuckled and assured each other nothing would change. We all took our spots to play another sweaty unskilled game of baseball. That was the last summer we all hung out together.

Life moves fast. Change is constant. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Though unexpected, I was grateful this issue of Mad Magazine was so heavily riddled with game advertisements. My affinity for video games peaked during this era so these ads whirled up a stirring of thoughts I haven’t had in quite a time. Even though my favorite era of gaming has solidified itself in 8-bits, it has been a recent personal epiphany that the Playstation 2, in my opinion, may just be the best video game console of all time. Plus, there’s only so much to say about old body spray and Corn Nuts ads.

Yet, beyond a pixelated screen, I’ve reminisced about the summer of 2002. The fear and uncertainty of the time blended with my youth and innocence created an emotional cocktail that couldn’t nor shouldn’t be replicated. To get completely lost in something that I was going to indulge in anyway, but now with better reason. The burned Spider-man album (purchased by a friend from Best Buy 😉 being my soundtrack of the summer. Spider-man pop tarts being tossed in my backpack for summer snacking. Renting the video game and playing it relentlessly as it expanded the lore of the film. Reading the novelization ordered from Scholastic by gathering spare change from my junk drawer. My grandmother buying me a “Guide to Spider-man” from Waldenbooks as I meticulously combed my back issues for key moments.

Escapism at its finest. Because with the uncertainty of war, the economy, and all the other things you didn’t understand as an ignorant teenager…why not escape even for a little bit? Do one last favor for me…tonight, I’d like for you to sip an ice cold Dr. Pepper while watching the music video for “Hero” by Chad Kroger Ft. Josey Scott off the Spider-man soundtrack. And, if you can, think about where you were during that time…21 years ago! Because I guarantee the next 21 years are going to swing by in a flash. Will I still be writing this stuff?

Oh, and thanks for the other favor…reading the ramblings about insipid advertisements found in an issue of a satirical magazine old enough to play blackjack and sip bourbon. If we all think about Tobey Maguire hard enough, maybe he’ll stop snorting cocaine or whatever celebrities do and feel our thought-beams right now.

You’ll always find “insight” into comfy comic culture here on ChrisDoesComics.

01/03/202001/03/2020

I Ate Ninja Turtles Kid Cuisine

I’ve yet to come across someone from my generation that doesn’t know what Kid Cuisine is. Whether recalling the penguin mascot on the box or the icy blue plastic tray it came in, others recollections of it are surprisingly fond. And with so many iconic childhood brands going the way of the dodo, it’s remarkable that you can still find Kid Cuisine nestled comfortably in your local freezer section.

I know this because I just bought one from my local freezer section.

Screen Shot 2020-01-03 at 7.54.34 AM — This site has hit an all time low.

No, I didn’t buy it because I had a hankering for soggy cardboard cheese pizza. Nor did I get a craving for soupy slimy mac and cheese. I didn’t yearn for spongey chicken nuggets and a “brownie” so hard it could break a kitchen window. I bought it because it featured the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And anyone that knows me understands you can slap a Ninja Turtle on anything and I’ll buy it. Case and point: Kid Freaking Cuisine.

Screen Shot 2020-01-03 at 7.56.06 AM — A Kid Cuisine Vanity Shot.

I was never particularly fond of Kid Cuisine. I think I just felt, as a kid, it was my duty to eat Kid Cuisine. It’s right there in the title after all. This time around after a nostalgic conversation with my girlfriend I found myself in the “frozen dinner” section for curiosities sake. Lo and behold, towards the bottom of the freezer they be for a mere $1.97. The presence of Ninja Turtles coupled with the diarrhea the meal would surely cause reinforced my purchase. And to bring everything full circle I realized I could write about this on my virtual tumbleweed of a website. Now as I put this in writing I realize it is very sad.

Screen Shot 2020-01-03 at 8.24.46 AM — The activity I did located on the back of the box whilst waiting for my dinner.

I put my tray in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. I crushed the activity on the back of the box in about 25 seconds. Writing the Turtles names and weapons down? Please! I scoffed confidently. I pondered why I was doing this exactly. That took some time. Before I could come up with any discernible answer my food was about ready. And here it is…

Screen Shot 2020-01-03 at 7.58.33 AM — It’s food! (?)

For anybody who wants the details it’s Cowabunga Popcorn Chicken with fries, corn, and Shell Shocked Chocolate Cookies. You’d think a Ninja Turtle themed meal would contain PIZZA. But at this point I realized I was giving too much thought to my frozen children’s meal. I mean, I probably have the longest review on a Kid Cuisine out there right now. And if that’s true, it’s an accomplishment I’ll relish to the grave.

Screen Shot 2020-01-03 at 8.02.25 AM — The new TMNT logo was on the “Shell Shocked” cookies. That was the peak for me.

Now, I’m no food critic. I don’t have sophisticated tastes (I took pictures of a Ninja Turtle doll next to a frozen dinner). I grew up on Happy Meals and think Taco Bell is high culinary art. But I do like to watch Gordon Ramsey television shows. So I have some training in that regard.

THE GOOD

The tray is blue. Which is fun. Most trays are not blue.
The Cowabunga Popcorn Chicken could be kinda sorta maybe passable with a decent dipping sauce.
The Ninja Turtles were on the box. And their logo was on the “cookies”.

THE BAD

Everything tasted like the packaging it came in.
Corn tasted like packing peanuts. The fries were bland mush. The cookies were literally a bag filled with nobody’s favorite part of an off brand Oreo.
I felt sad eating it.

To be frank, it was awful. But it was just a microwavable kids meal for $1.97. And when you’re a kid…you’re picky and your taste palette sucks. So maybe this would be passable to the average 5 year old I don’t know. Taking what I remember about previous Kid Cuisines, I would’ve had a pizza, that weird brownie thing (with some green “ooze” icing) and maybe a Ninja Turtles sticker/trading card/temporary tattoo in the box.

In conclusion, I can’t believe I’m writing about this much more posing it for pictures. I guess it adds to the eccentric charm of my website. I’m not going to recommend this to adults or children. And with the “clean and healthy” eating angle my generation pushes, I’m sort of astonished that these are still around. I’m not saying that because I think you shouldn’t feed trash to your kids, I’m simply saying there’s much tastier trash you could be feeding your kids.

This is just the consequences of being a shill to a brand you love. A slave to my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Cowabunga, dudes. Cowabunga.

Screen Shot 2020-01-03 at 8.10.28 AM

06/17/201908/10/2022

Ad Nauseam: X-Men #60

Welcome back to my retrospective series of articles in which I sit in my dark apartment, listen to synthwave, and thumb through back issues in hopes of sparking shadowed memories of simpler times! An exciting Saturday night is finding a 24 year old advertisement for Dinosaur Eggs oatmeal. How can life possibly offer anything more?

X-Men Vol. 1 #60, January 1997

If there’s a main theme throughout these articles (besides the onset of Peter Pan Syndrome) it has to be constantly waxing nostalgic about the X-Men. They were a benevolent force throughout comic culture in the 1990s. But 1997 marked a lull in X-Men fandom. While at heart X-Men was always a glorified mutant soap opera, the ideas of love triangles, false deaths, and double agents were tired tropes. This was also the year the acclaimed X-Men animated series was cancelled. And with that dries up the marketability of X-Men toys, tie ins, and video games.

But, as we all know, this wasn’t goodbye for the X-Men. It was just “see you later”. Because in just 3 short years Marvel introduced the ULTIMATE universe of comics and the blockbuster X-Men live action movie hit theaters worldwide.

But, right now, we’re stuck in 1997 and we have this awfully mundane issue to get through. But between the story: A D V E R T I S M E N T S. This is an X-men title so I didn’t have to necessarily hit the clearance for you, so we’re not at the bottom of the barrel per-say. That’s reserved for Witchbalde or Youngbloods. So put on your finest Austin 3:16 shirt, pause your Playstation, crack open a cold Surge and join me on this capitalistic journey of useless trading cards and fruitless VHS tapes.

Kool-Aid Points

It’s summer break and you and your best buds have the whole day ahead of you. Maybe you play some Bucky O’Hare, head over to the park district pool, split some nachos, and do that weird running gallop so the lifeguards don’t blow the whistle at you for running. What always hits the spot on a hot summer day like this was a big pitcher of some sticky flavored sugar water. And while you sit on your throne of innocence and Super Ropes you think to yourself, “How can this get any better?”

Well let me tell you: Getting free garbage for drinking that cold sticky sugar water. What we have here is the always incredible Kool-Aid Kool Points program. Kool-Aid packets were worth points. You save the packets. And mail them in to get treasures. I have to say, I love everything that is offered in this ad. I try to imagine what I’d save up for and I get anxiety from the choices. I’d love to get some official Kool-Aid merch like a shirt, beach towel, or bottle that way I can let everyone know I’m well on my way to premature diabetes. But, at the same time, the idea of saving up for a Yomega Fireball Yo-Yo, Nintendo Gameboy Keychain, or Remote Control Car truly feels like an accomplishment I’d cherish more so than my college degree (it’s a BA in art so it’s basically not real) .

This Kool-Points program was started sometime in the early 1980s and ended recently in 2008. Unfortunately you can’t find as much Kool information as you’d hope as it seems to be the name of a mobile gaming app nowadays. But let this be a remainder of the days where you just didn’t chug a pitcher of Rock-a-dile Red for the pure enjoyment of quenching mere thirst, you were inching closer to quenching the thirst of owning an Official Kool-Aid Man kite. Oh. Yeah.

Got Milk? Featuring Spider-man!

As stated as the topic for my college thesis, if you were anybody of significance in the past 20 years you were featured in a Got Milk? ad. Singer, athlete, actor, wrestler, cartoon character or inter-dimensional idea you were given a page wide spread with a glass of milk complete with white mustache. Even Spider-man himself, complete with mask mustache, is pictured in this very ad presented. The Nobel Peace Prize paled in comparison to the worldwide recognition one receives when simply asking the question “Got Milk?”.

The one downside to this ad campaign is that it was a little too successful in that it became trendy for nearly every brand or company to ask the famous “Got Milk?” question with their own, often illogical, spin. I remember seeing tons of t-shirts and bumper stickers being sold with simple text reading things like “Got Comics?” or “Got Pizza?” in that tall white font. I even recall the local zoo selling “Got Dolphins?” bumper stickers with the names of various animals at whatever exhibits.

It was genius in it’s simplicity. These ads were featured in every kind of newspaper, magazine, or comic. And it made Milk, well, cool if you seen Spider-man, Brett Favre, or Whoopi Goldberg with the classic ‘stache. I even seen someone with a “Got Speed?” bumper sticker on their car driving home last week. It’s still relevant today and kind of douchey apparently!

Michael Jordan Highlights on VHS!

When you want to describe someone being the best at something, nowadays it’s common to say “They’re the Michael Jordan of” it. For example, “Chris is the Michael Jordan of having a cynical outlook!” or “ChrisDoesComics.com is the Michael Jordan of websites nobody cares about.” Well, Michael Jordan is the Michael Jordan of basketball. Being a Chicago native during the Bulls legendary era, I and everyone I knew wanted to be like Mike.

MJ was on my t-shirts and my bedroom walls. I had MJ books and magazines. I wanted Hanes because Michael wore them. I wanted a Big Macs and Ball Park Franks because Michael ate them. Space Jam was a childwide event in Chicago complete with parades and screenings in church. I made that last one up. Michael Jordan was so awesome and such an international phenomenon that for $30 the NBA sold a 2 1/2 hour MJ highlight reel on VHS.

I included this ad because I really downplay the love I had for Michael Jordan nowadays. Not really for a particular reason other than I simply forget what a idol he was to me and so many other kids back then. This ad truly gave me the warm fuzzies because it’s the reason I write these articles to begin with: to dust off fond forgotten memories. And I remember a time where I wanted to be Like Mike. Except for that short period where he played baseball.

CardZillion Trading Card Machines!

Another reason I write these articles is to share things I had no idea existed like CARDZILLION. I wasn’t sure to include this ad but after doing some research I simply had to. These “vending” machines were located exclusively in Toys “R” Us stores from 1994 until 1997 and were distributed by Bandai. You’d pop in a quarter and receive a trading card from properties like Power Rangers, Beetleborgs, Sailor Moon, and Donkey Kong Country. Each series composed of 42 cards including 6 ULTRA cards (which were the rare ones).

What set these cards apart were they all felt special. They had hologram cards, holofoil cards, Ultra rare cards, cards that popped up into little dioramas, cards that made up a battle game. And with the machine being placed in the store exit, it was a great strategy for kids to drain a little more out of their parents during the trip. 9 year old me would be all over those Donkey Kong Country cards without fail.

I’m not sure why they didn’t last long. It may have been because the novelty of trading cards weren’t nearly as popular as they were 10-30 years ago. That being said, had I known about these I would’ve certainly begged for a trip to Toys R Us just to use one.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if they brought these back with comic books? With Marvel and superheroes being modern day Greek Mythology, it would be a fun experiment to bundle these with some $1 back issues with maybe some “exclusive” or signed covers as a rarity.

Rugrats Reptar Crunch Cereal!

The Rugrats is a cartoon that elevated Nickelodeon to legendary kids entertainment. And it open the floodgates to a plethora of classic cartoons. But with Nickelodeon being presented as a network “For kids by kids” they understood that children knew when they were being marketed to. Which is why, compared to say Disney, they had very limited merchandise. It made getting your grubby little meathooks on something Rugrats, Rocko, or Ren more special.

And, here, we have not Rugrats cereal but Reptar cereal! Reptar was a show within the show that the Rugrats themselves watched and idolized. What I love about Reptar is although he was watched by babies he was much more Godzilla than Barney. He had no educational value for these kids. He just loved to smash cities and roar. And I love him for that.

Reptar merch was always present in the show itself with things like a Reptar chocolate bar, Reptar on Ice, Reptar The Movie, and Tommy Pickles’s beloved Reptar doll. I find it very interesting to bring that branding off the show and into reality as it makes for a much more fun and unique product. Sure, you could’ve had an actual Rugrats cereal with marshmallow rattles or something uninspired. But instead you now have a product that Chuckie Finster and Tommy Pickles himself would eat….if they had teeth that is.

With with whole Nick Nostalgia in full effect to drain us 90s kids of our hard earned cash, they’ve actually released a whole Reptar brand of merchandise including cereal and the legendary chocolate bar itself. So if you gotta find that Reptar now is the time more than ever.

Would you look at that? We’re done with X-men #60 cover to cover. Man, I can’t believe Cyclops was being mind controlled to kill Storm. I thought for sure ‘ol Summers was just overcome with jealousy over her latex outfit and cool white hair. I hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me about the soulless ads featured in a 21 year old comic about mutant love triangles. One might say I’m the Michael Jordan of writing articles that waste your time.