Ad Nauseam: Genetix #2

Welcome back to “the short end of the stick” when it comes to reading things on the internet. In this edition of Ad Nauseam I digitally scrape the bottom of the barrel with Genetix #2 published in November 1993! This is time you’ll never get back, folks.

Genetix follows the adventures of a superhero group of experimental mutants published by Marvel UK that the internet has virtually no insight on. Even the official Marvel Database has no history on this team. I gathered the little information I could and what I present you with may just be the most 1990’s assortment of words you’ll read featured in an article about garbage: 

Genetix is a team of mutants recruited by Dr. Oonagh Mullarkey for Gena-Sys, the genetic research division of Mys-Tech. They wear implanted armor derived from the Digitek project. When Killpower was sent by the Time Guardian to locate a device called the Chronifact, Dr. Mullarkey sent the newly created Genetix to defeat him. The team was trained by Dark Angel after learning about the existence of super villain Death Metal whose goal was to (evilly) impregnate a team member.

Holy cow the things I waste my time on.

I can only assume that in 2018 they use shredded issues of Genetix to stuff the big Stewie dolls you see hanging at your local park district carnival. If there’s anything I love about comics from this era it’s definitely the technologic “language” used throughout. Take a computer part, throw a “Z” or “X” in there for attitude, and you got yourself a superhero.

This Summer in a Limited Series…The Adventures of RAM-X and DARK PROCEZZOR: Created by Science, Manufactured by Fate, rendered for Justice!  

So let’s dive deep into the shallow end of the comic pool and be concussed with the advertisements of yesteryear. And as we unconsciously float through the memories of 16 bit video games, lenticular trading cards, and junk food ask yourself: Do you want to be saved?

X-Men VHS!

Without a doubt, the X-Men were the premiere superhero team of the 1990s. 1991 brought the first new X-Men title in nearly 30 years by the hottest name in comics at the time: Jim Lee. ‘Till this day X-Men #1 is the highest selling comic issue of all time. With that launched the legendary X-Men arcade game, fantastic animated series, and tubular toy line. X-Men reigned supreme.

Here we have episodes of the animated series being sold on VHS tapes with covers done by Jim lee himself. Keep in mind this was long before a Marvel Cinematic Universe. So it was a real treat to read about the new adventures of the X-Men and be gifted a series that treated the characters and source material with the respect and seriousness that fans desperately craved. What I love about these tapes is they could be kept on the self alongside your comics without anyone batting an eye. They even came numbered like comic issues themselves.

Pizza Hut later offered some X-Men tapes with a minimalist approach that came with lenticular cards. And while those were cool, there’s something that’s so darn charming about the ones featured in this ad. The series itself was made with care and it’s clear that this presentation had the fans in mind. This VHS series would still look great on your shelf.

Mortal Kombat at K-Mart!

Holy macaroni. If there was something I loved more than X-Men when I was a kid, it was Mortal Kombat. Brutal, bloody, and beautiful there was simply no video game like it at the time. It was an arcade hit that caused outrage among parents that just led to kids scrounging up more quarters to play it. This ad in particular is for its release on home consoles such as Super Nes, Sega Genesis and portables like The Gameboy and Game Gear. And it was a long time coming.

I was lucky enough to receive Mortal Kombat as hand-me-down for my Super Nintendo. By that time an even better sequel had been released as well as the now infamous film. The ad claims, “For bone-shattering action, it’s K-Mart for Mortal Kombat!”. But why K-mart? Because “K” that’s why I would’ve loved an exclusive Mortal Kombat K-Mart level. Some Tecehnotronic playing in the background. You could battle over to the K-Cafe and throw hot coffee at Kano’s stupid terminator eyePerhaps a blue light special fatality? Endless possibilities here.

I love coming face to face with Goro in this ad. He scared the daylights out of me. The game really made a big deal about him rather than the actual boss: Shang Tsung. But, I mean, who would you rather battle in a murder tournament? A giant four armed demon wrestler or some old street tramp that sleeps behind a Chipotle?

WWF Royal Rumble Video Game!

Late 1993 was around the time I started watching professional wrestling and looking back it was pretty awful. The iconic Hulk Hogan was a mere part timer, Macho Man was “retired”, and Ultimate Warrior was dropped. The larger-than-life star power wasn’t really there. Don’t get me wrong I liked Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, and Razor Ramon but they hadn’t quite taken off just yet. And in the meantime I was being told Lex Luger, Yokozuna, and Bam Bam Bigelow were the best (Spoiler: They sucked.). I leaned more towards WCW in those days anyway, but WWF by far had the better video games. And that’s still not saying much. 

Basically WWF Royal Rumble was just like Super Wrestlemania. And WWF Raw was just like Royal Rumble. Imagine rebuying essentially the same mediocre WWF game 3 times just for some new wrestlers (that all play the same) and one new match type. Redundant and expensive, right? Actually doesn’t sound too different from what they do now. The advertisement also showcases WWF Steel Cage Challenge and WWF King of the Ring which were actually worse games by comparison. Yeah, it was a rough time for the WWF and while in the coming years they would enter a new golden era, the games still had a solid 7 years to suck.

But, back then, you made the best of it. If I got to play as The Undertaker and tombstone IRS into the mat as many times as I’d please, then it was worth it in my little child head.

Spider-man and X-Men Video Games!

Iron-Man, Thor, Ant-man and even Captain America weren’t truly mainstays in comic culture. Yeah, I said Captain AmericaIt may be hard to imagine that now but Spider-man and the X-Men were Marvel’s bread and butter in the 1990s. And that mostly has to do with the comics being written and/or the cartoons being produced at the time. So having them team up in a video game adventure was definitely exciting if you bathed in the comic bathtub at the time. But be careful, that bathtub can be slippery and these video games could not be very good.

And they weren’t very good.

I remember buying Spider-man/X-men: Arcade’s Revenge when stores were phasing out Super Nintendo games. The game was pretty tedious and bland. To play as Spider-man should be a unique and exciting experience. But instead you had to use your spider-sense (which sounded like hard bumbling farts) to collect flashing cupcakes to unlock the X-Men levels. When you played as Wolverine, who was at peak anti-hero popularity, you wandered a funhouse beating up robotic clowns. It’s like playing a Punisher game where you’re limited to picking up trash at a local park district. I believe the term nowadays is called “shovelware“. These characters deserved something much better. And to join forces to fight Arcade? I mean, you’ve got Mr. Sinister, Apocalypse, The Sinister Six, and Magneto but these superheroes have to join forces to fight the guy who runs Six Flags?


That about covers the time warp that Genetix #3 could take you on. I hope you got something out of me reminiscing about 25 year old game cartridges and VHS tapes. I’ll always be here presenting the best (worst?) of comic culture from a time when nearly every comic book inexplicably involved a cyborg.

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Ad Nauseam: Toxic Avenger #3

You can read the last installment of “Ad Nauseam” here. 

The Toxic Avenger No. 3-June 1991

The 80’s and 90’s were an interesting time in American pop culture. It seemed like nearly every license (no matter how grossly inappropriate) was marketed to children in some form. R rated films like Robocop and Rambo had popular action figure lines, video games, and cartoons. Freddy Krueger had his own bubble gum. And I swear The Terminator was a step away from his own breakfast cereal (Cinnamon Furlongs).

Take our current subject: The Toxic Avenger. A janitorial nerd turned toxic superhero, the film was a crude, violent, and campy trip released in 1984 by (now infamous) shlock movie producer Troma Entertainment. It led to a franchise of movies, video games, toys, even a musical! Not too shabby being based off a B-movie that climaxed in a taco joint.

Toxie also starred in his own comic book series published under Marvel. Which brings us to The Toxic Avenger No. 3: Night of the Hardbodies! Published in 1991, Toxic Avenger was standing on his last radioactive leg of relevance. His prior success of meta-camp had run its course and while Toxie was “kiddfied” for his Toxic Crusaders animated series and comic, kids didn’t care for teenage mutant non-ninja people. Especially when they looked like Hulk Hogan fused with a stale green pepper.

But it’s whats on the inside that counts, right? And in our case it’s A D V E R T I S M E N T S.

So join me and this June 1991 issue of The Toxic Avenger (supplied by The Graveyard Machine ) as we crack open yet another “captivating” comic to casually stroll through a cacophony of capitalism captured in time! Thank Christ for Thesauruses.

Battletoads for the NES

Battletoads was great. Battletoads was hard. I love Battletoads. I hate Battletoads. Released for the NES in 1991, Battletoads was a game that positively reeked of ‘tude and being rad, man. As evidenced in this single paged ad, they knock the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and went on to declare that their game “TOADALLY KICKS BUTT!”. A bold move, yet Battletoads backed it up. This was a regular rent for me at Lion Video and when they had to make room for the Super Nintendo games, I was able to purchase the used copy of Battletoads I had rented so many times before.

Even though it had a stellar and popular game series (even a crossover with Double Dragon!) a pilot for an animated series was made in 1992 but never picked up by a network. The backstory for the game is oddly complex (lab techs made a Battletoads game, got sucked in by evil game developer, became the Battletoads to fight an evil queen) but the animated show took a much simpler approach in a way roided out frogs punching in outerspace only could. Perhaps a network didn’t want to bank on something that seemed so similar to TMNT, perhaps Street Sharks and Extreme Dinosaurs were simply better (how?), perhaps their names being RASH, PIMPLE, and ZITZ wasn’t endearing enough to executives.

I do not have these answers. But when it comes to the journey of the Battletoads I think we can all agree on one thing: They had the best pause music ever put in a game.

Disney’s The Rocketeer

In the summer of ’91 Disney released The Rocketeer based on Dan Steven’s nostalgic comic series. Since then its become a bit of a cult classic, and if you were outside at all in the Spring-Summer of 1991 you seen this beautiful art deco poster. The visual marketing for The Rocketeer was nothing short of artful. Posters like the one pictured were paraded on bus shelters, movie theaters, and billboards. It harkened back to suggest a “classier” time of marketing as the poster is not only alluring but could be displayed even if you didn’t care for the film its representing.

As for the film itself? It was okay. I wanted to love it. But I only liked it. Personally speaking, making a film with the flavor of Indiana Jones meets Iron Man sounds like a match made in heaven. Throw in Jennifer Connelly at her peak major babe-ness and a restaurant shaped like a giant Bulldog and what’s there not to like? Well, a decent amount unfortunately. The pacing was bad if I remember.

Disney fully embraced The Rocketeer for that summer. His helmet and jetpack adorned candy, comics, posters, and toys. He even flew into the sky for Disney’s MGM Studios fireworks show! But the film brought in a $6 million profit leading to future plans for The Rocketeer being cut short. Fans could still find little nods to the film in the current Disney Studios theme park but it’s simply not the same. If there’s a property to be rebooted, I’d go all in on The Rocketeer.

Exclusive Marvel Comics T-shirts

I can get myself a Groot shirt in 15 minutes. Yoda? Even less time. I’m not talking about clicking some buttons either. I can get in my car and drive 10 minutes to a Walmart, Target, Kohl’s etc and have a variable selection of nerd shirts for my purchasing needs. In Adult sizes mind you.

It wasn’t always like that.

If you wanted a Darth Vader shirt you had to order one through a Star Wars catalogue. If you wanted The Hulk you had to thumb through new issues, hope they had a design you liked, and fill out the order form. Then in 6-8 weeks you’d get your shirt in the mail. Maybe you had a local comic book store that carried some apparel. That was always a plus. You want a character like The Vision or Black Panther on a shirt? Good luck with that, buddy boy.

There was no insanely profitable Marvel Cinematic Universe or marginally profitable DC Red Headed Step Child Universe. Comics and superheroes were for kids. And besides a Batman or Superman logo on a shirt, nerdy apparel like that was limited especially for adults. Sometimes I have to step back and be grateful. I own a friggen Monster Squad shirt. How would you even begin to go about that in 1991?

So which one of the designs in this ad would you go for? Personally I’d be all over Silver Surfer. He was always a favorite of mine.

So when Spidey tells me to order a t-shirt, I order one. Spidey knows.

3 Musketeers Candy Bar

I always enjoyed when ads in comic books were also short comic books. It’s like a Big Mac interrupting your Whopper for a couple bites. Whatever, you know? I remember M&Ms, Crest Toothpaste, and various cereal mascots stepping into the titular adventure to direct my attention to whatever little BS they were doing. Werewolf By Night was just impaled with an ancient sword by Morbius The Living Vampire but, hold up, Toucan Sam’s gotta open this treasure chest on a pirate ship. Oh, it’s Fruit Loops? Because of course it is.

In the ad pictured we have NOT Indiana Jones discovering a lost Mayan tomb which houses a (historically accurate) giant 3 Musketeers candy bar. I’m not sure if you noticed but it says, “No. 5 in a series” and it really makes me wonder if there’s people out there who collect these ads. Or if there was a kid that was all, “Damn, I missed No. 4!”.

SleepWalker Comic Series

This one really caught my eye. Mostly because I assumed this was a spinoff in which Newt Gunray cosplayed as Skeletor. I have never heard of Sleepwalker but I was intrigued none the less. 27 years later and this ad still works. This character debuted in his own series which ran from June 1991 to February 1994.

So Sleepwalker is actually his race. He exists in The Mindscape. And essentially they’re the dream police. Please listen to the Cheap Trick song when finishing the rest of this article. Sleepwalker was tricked by a foe and mind-bonded with a New York college student and it created an excellent premise for a situational comedy on NBC. So the student goes to sleep and Sleepwalker takes over and fights crime.

That sounds pretty awesome. Cooler than when I sleepwalk but instead of fighting crime I put bananas in the dishwasher. Unfortunately, Sleepwalker doesn’t make many appearances outside of his 33 issues from 1991-1994. So if you’re reading this, that means this can be the character that you could latch onto and form a really underground hipster opinion of. I’m telling you, jump on that Sleepwalker train to coolsville. I did it with Dreadstar and I’m pretty cool (?). I’m spending way too much time typing about old comic ads that nobody will read. Ice cold cool. 

I’ll also throw out some names of 90’s superheroes because there’s space on my website: DARKHAWK, TERROR INC., QUASAR, NIGHT THRASHER, NAMORITA.

So many foil covers.


So that about covers the tantalizing toxic tidbits of what you’d find being advertised in The Toxic Avenger No. 3: Night of the Hardbodies! Thanks for reading my dumpster thoughts about garbage ads found in a 27 year old comic book. I’ll be back with another installment of Ad Nauseam in the future about things in the past. I’m sorry you wasted your time.

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