Ad Nauseam: Night Thrasher #4

Oh, hey there, I didn’t see you come in. What’s that? Oh, I was just thumbing through my eighteen issues of Night Thrasher comic books. “Who” you ask? Ah, well Night Thrasher is basically Batman without cool villains but makes up for it by riding a skateboard. Now I’m going to talk about the advertisements in this particular 27 year old issue. I do this semi-regularly. 

Hey, where are you going? You just got here! Why don’t you get comfortable and stay for a while. I have sweet tea in the fridge. 

NIGHT THRASHER #4/ NOVEMBER 1993

Tonight we’re looking in between the action of Marvel’s Night Thrasher #4 released in November of 1993. We’re going to hit all the nostalgic topics you’d expect: defunct toy stores, bad video games, and fast food tie-ins! What’s that? Why am I doing this? Well…why don’t buses have seatbelts? Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hot dogs? Why is he called The “Lone” Ranger if he always has Tonto with him?

“Defensive”, you say? Well, kiddo, I only have one thing to say to you: Remember Seaquest?


seaQuest DSV!

First of all, DSV stands for Deep Submergence Vehicle. Glad that’s out of the way. Anywho, Seaquest (I’m typing it like this from now on) was a television show that ran for 3 seasons from 1993 to 1996. It took place in the scientific super-future of 2018 and was basically underwater Star Trek. It starred Roy Scheider (of Jaws fame) adding to my theory that he was clearly some sort of amphibious man-fish that needed quick access to salt water at all times. 

I included this ad as it was something I haven’t given a single solitary shred of thought since I last “watched” it. Seaquest, alongside Stargate SG-1, provided involuntary background noise that polluted the backroom of my grandfather’s currency exchange during my summer break days. I couldn’t tell you if this show was good or not (research shows it was popular for a hot second) but boy did it seem boring to an 11 year old. Apparently not even Darwin, Seaquest DSV’s genius talking Dolphin, could keep my attention for a full episode. And Darwin was mentioned so matter-of-factly on the wikipedia page that I had to do a double take. 

Nowadays Seaquest is some sort of aquatic zoo franchise throughout the US where you can book corporate events and birthday parties to touch otters and curse stingrays for taking Steve Irwin from us. Regardless of what Seaquest DSV means to people, it’ll always be sleepy television droning to me. Beats All My Children though. 

That last sentence sounds kinda dark. 

KayBee Toy Stores Ghost Rider Deal!

I’d like to point out that this issue of Night Thrasher stops dead in its tracks for a TWELVE PAGE ad for Ghost Rider’s comics and coupon deal. If anything, I’d say Night Thrasher himself acts as a mere husk for the Spirit of Vengeance and his aggressive marketing. It was around this time that Marvel paraded Ghost Rider quite a bit. Besides his main comic title, he was featured in SEVEN others! Not to mention his own toyline. So why was Marvel suddenly pushing the decades old Ghost Rider, you ask? SPAWN. Todd Mcfarlane’s series was the hottest comic on the planet. This new indie creation about a human unwillingly bonded with a demonic force under “Satan’s” power? Heck, that sounds like Ghost Rider. Well, that’s what Marvel thought too. And that’s why ‘ol Flamehead was everywhere in the mid 1990s. 

The ad featured is for a H O T D E A L in which you can bring the attached coupon into a KayBee toy store and get $5 off any Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis (when I was dead broke, man, I couldn’t picture this) game cartridge PLUS a Ghost Rider collectors comic issue! The combination of Ghost Rider swingin’ his chain near a Street Fighter II SNES box all below the KayBee Toys logo promotes this ad to the MEGA 90S NOSTALGIA HALL OF FAME. If there was some sort of physical shrine to my childhood memories…it would all be encompassed inside of a KayBee toy store. 

Till this day, if I’m visiting my childhood mall, I’ll always glance and visibly frown where the KayBee toy store used to be. I can recall the sound of electronic toys chirping ,grinding, performing on display as you walked in. Stepping onto that dirty royal blue carpeting stained from sugary Icee spills. Surrounded from floor to ceiling with various boxed toy trends spanning multiple eras. KayBee never got rid of anything. Employees just caked on those tiny white and red price stickers until the toy was basically free. I can place the three claustrophobic aisles leading to the back wall where you’d nearly be squashed by towering Care Bears and other assorted plush. Shuffling up to the cashier with your purchase, the entire counter area was littered with assorted candy, gags, keychains, and trading cards stacked at eye level for one last impulse purchase. I’d eagerly glance behind the cashier at the carefully lined wall of video game cartridges sitting in those hefty plastic cases. Scanning for suggestions I can rattle off for my birthday or Christmas. Man. What a vibe. I’m there, y’know? 

Pizza Hut X-Men Pizza Packs!

Pizza Hut has pizza with all the X-TRAS this ad boldly claims in an eye-catching two page spread that I would have framed hanging above my roaring fireplace. In my deep (dish) personal (pan) opinion, Pizza Hut was never the place to go for tie-in trinkets. Yet when they wanted to, Pizza Hut truly delivered (not only pizza) but some awesome X-TRAS as illustrated here. X-Men were as hot as the mozzarella on your slice with an awesome cartoon, toyline, and rebooted (sorta) comic series. For just $2.99 you can order a Kid’s pizza pack that consists of a personal pan pizza in a X-Men pizza box, One (of four) collector’s cups, an activity mat, and an X-Clusive X-Men comic (new issue every two weeks!). 

Around this time, the X-Men truly had a set of colorful characters brought to life by some amazing comic artists like Jim Lee, Andrew Wildman, Stephen Baskerville, John Herbet etc. that really made them stand out. From the logo to the backdrops and action poses…X-Men all came together and cemented the 1990s comic aesthetic many tried to duplicate. It’s a look and style that’s just so alluring to children and artists alike it’s no wonder why it was incorporated into toy, VHS, fast food, and trading card packaging. It just looked so intense and fresh. Personally I was never taken to a Pizza Hut unless it had to do with a Book It! coupon. And I was not aware of this promotion at the time. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t just go to eBay and see if someone had a set of these cups to purchase. Because, in my reality, nothing broadcasts culture more than one sipping from a 27 year old plastic Beast cup. Who would’ve thought the X-Men paired as well with pizza as the Ninja Turtles did? 

Bram Stoker’s Dracula THE VIDEO GAME

Man, seeing this ad made me remember how Francis Ford Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula was everywhere. It truly was considered a “blockbuster” in its time. I recall seeing that “gargoyle” Dracula head plastered in every comic, magazine, billboard, bus stop and movie theater for months. I even spotted toys of Dracula in his red armor and “wolf” form at my local Suncoast video. But being in my “afraid of everything” phase there wasn’t a chance I was going to see this movie anytime soon. I didn’t find out there was a video game for it until ages later. And growing into a monster fanatic I had to play it. 

I remember it being about as “good” as the film. I don’t know what the general consensus of Bram Stoker’s Dracula is. I sat down thinking I was about to watch the ultimate Dracula film experience. And although the sets, costumes, and effects were all top notch…I felt pretty unimpressed when it ended. In the same vein (ha!) The game was nothing special either. The ad boasts “photo-realistic graphics” and “awesome soundtrack”. I’m sure they’re referring to the Sega CD version, while I only played the Super Nintendo game. The ad challenges me to “Play It If You Dare” and I suppose it did what Dracula is known to do…suck.  

There’s actually a better version of this game called Nosferatu released on the Super Nintendo in late 1995. I never heard about it until I ventured into emulating. The only negative is knowing I’m not playing as Keanu Reeves. That being said, the Dracula “gargoyle” head and title design still gives me the heebie jeebies. That’s great design work. Just wish the movie could’ve lived up to that. 


Well, that’s another installment of Ad Nauseum in the books. What’s that? You enjoyed that more than you thought you would? Well, you know what? I thought you just might. 

And you can always find articles on the remnants of comic culture right here on ChrisDoesComics. What am I talking about? Oh, you just let me worry about that. Just don’t forget to leave your empty sweet tea glass by the sink before you go. Pardon? Oh, that’s right, your ankle chain. Let me just grab the key. 

Ad Nauseam: Fangoria Spooky Spotlight

Welcome, my precious ghoulings, to a spooky edition of Ad Nauseam! As the Halloween season approaches, I ventured out from the usual comic confines and found frightening familiarity in Fangoria Horror Magazine! And thanks to my compulsive buying habits and decrepit interests, I couldn’t just keep to one issue either! Lucky you! 

First, some quick history: Fangoria started off in 1979 as Fantastica, a spinoff of Starlog magazine, with a focus on fantasy films. Hemorrhaging money after just seven issues, the editing staff quickly reimagined the magazine to be dedicated to the modern horror genre. This led to the newly titled Fangoria to turn a profit and the rest was horror history. 

After 36 years of publication Fangoria got the axe in October 2015 at issue 334. But like most horror icons, it was resurrected…as a quarterly publication in October of 2018. Due to a 2007 warehouse fire the only remaining back issues of Fangoria are housed in private collections or available on the secondary market. So understand this installment of Ad Nauseam is a rare, educational, and insightful look into horror culture.

I’m proud to say I am a Fangoria subscriber. And I had to be an adult to fulfill that due to their unbiasedly gruesome magazine covers that would not only make any parent deny you ownership…but question if they are indeed raising a spawn of Satan himself.  

So pour a glass of apple cider, stroke your black cat gingerly, and light up a pumpkin cake candle. It’s time to dig up the grave of consumerism and raid it’s rotting corpse for nostalgia… 


Horror Tees, Tanks, and Sweats! (#88, 1989) 

With the gory glory of the internet, we’re able to proudly wear pretty much any niche we adore. I could purchase an ALF shirt in 2020 faster than I’d care to admit. But, 30 years ago, styles were limited…and much harder to find. If you wanted to let the world know you bled horror, you searched in horror magazines to do that. And here’s a great example!

Return of the Living Dead Part II was just a year old at this point, so it’s “fresh hotness” drives this ad into the grave. Texas Chainsaw Massacre II and Evil Dead II are also present to get printed really solidifying the tongue-in-cheek horror sequel theme the ad seems to have going. T he offbeat retro crowd also has Reefer Madness, The Devil Bat, and a (miscolored) Dracula poster as options as well. These all would look better printed on black clothing yet white seems to be the only choice given. I’m always weary of white colored clothing (sweatshirts especially) not just because of the fact that I dressed like a lowkey goth growing up…but also because I had a bad experience with a white sweatshirt of mine and a bowl of spaghetti when I was a kid. That sauce just does not come out and I’m not sure if I ever want to be in that situation again.


Freddy Forever! (#109, 1992)

By 1992 Freddy-mania was on it’s way out. A year prior to this issue Freddy’s Dead was released to bury the Springwood Slasher once and for all. Yet his “rest” only lasted three years since Freddy Krueger was a pop culture icon that seemingly eclipsed the horror genre. Despite being a disfigured child murderer with a sexual edge, Freddy moved merch as fast as Batman or The Ninja Turtles. Which is apparent with this dreamy ad of “final” official Freddy merch to honor his Nightmare legacy! 

Horribly authentic! Collector’s item! Perfect for any Fango fan! As someone who was a slave to the cult of Krueger, I had to include this ad. Latex mask and deluxe hat? Awesome! Authentic adjustable razor glove? Oh baby. Freddy Wall Mount? Sure…that’s something I guess. But what turns my dreams of collecting all things Freddy into a possible nightmare is the fact that none of the mentioned “collectibles” are pictured. Instead an actual picture of Robert Englund as Freddy is labeled. I know I’m not going to look that authentic, bro. You don’t need to tease me like this. 

I see the wall mount. I see how Freddy looks like some chewed up grape and strawberry Laffy Taffy. I’m not sure if I trust you in making me look like the toasty child killer of my dreams this Halloween. Yet despite all that, I love the gamble this ad suggests I take. Is the mask and glove not pictured because it looks so bad? Or does it not need to be pictured because it looks so good? I suppose you just have to drop the $60 and wait 6 weeks to find out. And I believe that’s the genius of this ad. If I saw the mask I might just write it off as a dud…but I don’t see it…so maybe it’s the best mask ever made! How can I pass this up? Now who do I make the check out to? 


Batman Returns Costumes! (#114, 1992)

If you were a boy growing up in the 1990s and not Batman for Halloween…you at least thought about being Batman, right? I mean, I think about being Batman in general. Just as a life choice. 

Here we have my favorite ad out of the lot, Batman Returns costumes hot off the press circa 1992! Batman Returns is, in my opinion, the most underrated Batman film with the most underrated villain performances ever. I, like most, was in the trance of Batmania as it began its second (and, honestly, most aggressive) wave. From Happy Meals to action figures and ill fitting t-shirts, like a drunk baby boomer in a soiled Tommy Bahama shirt sitting at a Vegas roulette table…I was all in, baby.  

The Penguin is probably represented as the most solid costume choice. And, due to my small stature, I’d definitely be slappin’ my money down for one of those. $160 with inflation comes out to a little under $300…so, in all honesty, I’d probably have to kidnap all of Gotham’s first born children in order to come up with that scratch at the time. The Deluxe Batman costume looks too good to be true. And retailing for $310 ($672 with inflation) I’d bet that only Bruce Wayne himself ordered these as backup costumes for those harsh summer nights. I’d probably have to settle for the DC Comics Batman costume…which, judging by the model in the ad, makes Adam West look like Frank Miller’s Batman. Not sure if I’d be keen stopping any crime in that…maybe just help some elderly people cross the street. 

I remember my first outting as Batman the following Halloween. My grandma picked up a Batman “costume” from the 1989 film on clearance at a local pop up Halloween store. It came with a thin plastic “utility belt”, disfigured and wrinkled “cowl and cape”, thin flappy foam “boot covers and gauntlets”, and literally a sticker of the emblem. I wore my black sweats underneath it. Belt sagged because it was too big. Couldn’t see out of the mask. Emblem fell off within 15 minutes. 

Yet the polls show I was still a better Batman than George Clooney. What a dated dig. 


Screamin’ Monster Model Kits! (#154, 1996)

When I think of model kits I immediately think of horror. Yes, I understand that’s the “wrong” theme that comes to mind considering most..but I can’t help it. Most of the old Aurora horror kits from the 1960’s and 1970’s have become an overpriced rarity. And as alluring as it would be spending my afternoon painting Wolfman’s crotch with the right amount of detail, Screamin’ breathed new life in the horror model kit realm. Vinyl models of Freddy, Cenobytes, Leatherface, and the Crypt Keeper send happy chills throughout my arthritic spine.   

Of course, 1996 was 24 years ago (oof!) so these kits currently fetch a high price for simply partaking in painting your very own Butterball. Yet what I appreciate about model kits such as these is the fact that you get out what you put in. I’ve seen that same Freddy Krueger model look like a museum piece…yet I’ve also seen the exact same model look like a Dollar Tree reject. Sometimes “rushed” or dare I say “unskilled” model kits may be something more to admire than the ones pictured in this very ad. But, either way, I love the idea of “building” your own horror icon and calling it “quits” when you personally see fit. 

If you can have one of these right now which one would it be? That Crypt Keeper is calling my name. 


Power DeRangers Tee (#147, 1995) 

It’s Murderin’ Time! How bizarre is this? 1995 was the height of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers popularity. And where there’s popularity there’s parody, right? Here we have the Mighty Murderin’ Power Derangers t-shirt! Each Power Ranger reppin’ a classic slasher as they decapitate Barney the Dinosaur…for some reason? I mean, the Ninja Turtles would make sense since the Rangers pretty much took their spot. But what do I know?  

This ad has such a DIY quality to it that I completely fell in love with it. From the designs crudely drawn with markers to the hand written instructions and sales. It shows that if you have an idea and a little bit of know-how, you can probably make some money through Fangoria. Media Goofs Inc operates out of Flourtown, PA. And like most of these hole-in-the-wall companies featured in old magazines…there’s no trace of them on the internet. 

The other shirt designs they offer to the right are hastily drawn “serial killer” inspired designs. No grace or subtly is expected from Media Goofs Inc I suppose. The drawings look more like middle school doodles rather than final design work but, again, I expect nothing less from Media Goofs Inc. It all has an alternative Beavis-and-Butthead vibe, which is to be expected from 1995. I’m not sure if I’d ever wear anything like this at any point in my life…but, then again, I’d be wearing similar South Park shirts a couple years later. And none of those featured Trini the Yellow Ranger wielding a chainsaw. So never say never I suppose. 

Bonus: In this very same issue I found an ad for Spooky World “America’s Horror Theme Park” that really peaked my interest. A Tom Savini Haunted House? A Horror Museum? Tiny “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” Tim to perform? I’ll board a plane tomorrow! Unfortunately I couldn’t find much information on the Minneapolis location other than this 16 year old Halloween forum post: 

Haunty hates those overpriced cheese curds but who doesn’t?

I had some better luck with the Massachusetts location including this amazing 1997 commercial! And if that’s not enough, I even stumbled upon a 1994 “tour” of Spooky World at its peak narrated by none other than Kane “Jason” Hodder! It’s long since been abandoned but after a few moves the Spooky World name is still spookin’ by creating new haunted attractions every Halloween season


Various Masks! (1989-1996?)

These were three of the most enticing mask ads I found combing through the various issues of Fangoria I presented today.  The idea that it didn’t have to be the Halloween season to peruse monster masks made me believe I found “my people”. These ads have a great balance of “gore” and “creatures” from companies I’ve never outright heard of such as Nightmares, Creature, and Artifakes. I always leaned towards the “creature” masks when browsing possible costume ideas…and the ones featured in magazines like Fangoria were meant to be the main event of your costume or collection. 

Looking at masks such as these in your local pop-up Halloween store or (if you were lucky enough) a year round costume shop was always a highlight of the Halloween season for me. Strolling into the section to be hit with that strong smell of latex…gazing into the eyes of these abominable creatures presented lifelessly on old styrofoam heads…the faint sound of a royalty free Halloween soundtrack echoing in the background. Dang, I got vampire bats in my stomach just thinking about it! 

The idea of actually getting one of these masks was unheard of at my age. There was no way my mom was going to shell out $30-50 for just a mask when a quarter of that price could get me a Superman garbage bag to wear for the next 3 Halloweens. Yet the best thing was always coming across ads like this and wondering just who would get them. I’d always imagine perhaps the local haunted house crew “stocking up” on new monsters to scare this year…or maybe fellow amateur mask maskers and horror fiends adding another creature to their collection? Many of us had to settle for a plastic “hockey slasher” mask from the local drugstore (which, I’ll admit, have a charm of their own) but a part of me still daydreams about getting one of these back in the day and wandering the neighborhood for reactions and scares. 

Which one would you get? I’m between “Grim” on Creatures or “Amphibious” on the Artifakes ad. 


For some of us, the sanctity of Halloween expands beyond a simple holiday. It means more than just carving pumpkins while jamming to Monster Mash. It’s an idea and feeling that gives you a sense of belonging. It’s familiarity and warmth that fills your guts with a certain indescribable zest. Flipping through magazines like Fangoria brings me back to a time and place…even if I’ve never been. It inches me closer to untangling the fibers of my personal wiring. Why black and white monster movies, the sound of pouring candy corn , and the smell of latex masks is as comforting as grandma’s home cookin‘. 

Thumbing through these damp newsprint pages littered with images of grotesque gore and monster merch may be just that to many. But to us, I think it means a little more…wouldn’t you agree? I mean…that’s why you read all this. Because you can feel it too. And that’s Halloween, baby.

I hope my waxing nostalgic about 30 year old ads in defunct horror magazines made your Halloween season a little bit more special. Because it certainly made mine. Have a safe and spooky season. And don’t forget to sacrifice a fun size candy bar of your choice to the spirit of the Great Pumpkin!  

Ad Nauseam: X-Men #60

Welcome back to my retrospective series of articles in which I sit in my dark apartment, listen to synthwave, and thumb through back issues in hopes of sparking shadowed memories of simpler times! An exciting Saturday night is finding a 24 year old advertisement for Dinosaur Eggs oatmeal. How can life possibly offer anything more?

X-Men Vol. 1 #60, January 1997

If there’s a main theme throughout these articles (besides the onset of Peter Pan Syndrome) it has to be constantly waxing nostalgic about the X-Men. They were a benevolent force throughout comic culture in the 1990s. But 1997 marked a lull in X-Men fandom. While at heart X-Men was always a glorified mutant soap opera, the ideas of love triangles, false deaths, and double agents were tired tropes. This was also the year the acclaimed X-Men animated series was cancelled. And with that dries up the marketability of X-Men toys, tie ins, and video games.

But, as we all know, this wasn’t goodbye for the X-Men. It was just “see you later”. Because in just 3 short years Marvel introduced the ULTIMATE universe of comics and the blockbuster X-Men live action movie hit theaters worldwide.

But, right now, we’re stuck in 1997 and we have this awfully mundane issue to get through.  But between the story: A D V E R T I S M E N T S. This is an X-men title so I didn’t have to necessarily hit the clearance for you, so we’re not at the bottom of the barrel per-say.  That’s reserved for Witchbalde or Youngbloods. So put on your finest Austin 3:16 shirt, pause your Playstation, crack open a cold Surge and join me on this capitalistic journey of useless trading cards and fruitless VHS tapes.

Kool-Aid Points

It’s summer break and you and your best buds have the whole day ahead of you. Maybe you play some Bucky O’Hare, head over to the park district pool, split some nachos, and do that weird running gallop so the lifeguards don’t blow the whistle at you for running. What always hits the spot on a hot summer day like this was a big pitcher of some sticky flavored sugar water. And while you sit on your throne of innocence and Super Ropes you think to yourself, “How can this get any better?” 

Well let me tell you: Getting free garbage for drinking that cold sticky sugar water.  What we have here is the always incredible Kool-Aid Kool Points program. Kool-Aid packets were worth points. You save the packets. And mail them in to get treasures. I have to say, I love everything that is offered in this ad. I try to imagine what I’d save up for and I get anxiety from the choices. I’d love to get some official Kool-Aid merch like a shirt, beach towel, or bottle that way I can let everyone know I’m well on my way to premature diabetes. But, at the same time, the idea of saving up for a Yomega Fireball Yo-Yo, Nintendo Gameboy Keychain, or Remote Control Car truly feels like an accomplishment I’d cherish more so than my college degree (it’s a BA in art so it’s basically not real) .

This Kool-Points program was started sometime in the early 1980s and ended  recently in 2008. Unfortunately you can’t find as much Kool information as you’d hope as it seems to be the name of a mobile gaming app nowadays. But let this be a remainder of the days where you just didn’t chug a pitcher of Rock-a-dile Red for the pure enjoyment of quenching mere thirst, you were inching closer to quenching the thirst of owning an Official Kool-Aid Man kite. Oh. Yeah.

Got Milk? Featuring Spider-man!

As stated as the topic for my college thesis, if you were anybody of significance in the past 20 years you were featured in a Got Milk? ad. Singer, athlete, actor, wrestler, cartoon character or inter-dimensional idea you were given a page wide spread with a glass of milk complete with white mustache. Even Spider-man himself, complete with mask mustache, is pictured in this very ad presented.  The Nobel Peace Prize paled in comparison to the worldwide recognition one receives when simply asking the question “Got Milk?”. 

The one downside to this ad campaign is that it was a little too successful in that it became trendy for nearly every brand or company to ask the famous “Got Milk?” question with their own, often illogical, spin. I remember seeing tons of t-shirts and bumper stickers being sold with simple text reading things like “Got Comics?” or “Got Pizza?” in that tall white font. I even recall the local zoo selling “Got Dolphins?” bumper stickers with the names of various animals at whatever exhibits.

It was genius in it’s simplicity. These ads were featured in every kind of newspaper, magazine, or comic. And it made Milk, well, cool if you seen Spider-man, Brett Favre, or Whoopi Goldberg with the classic ‘stache. I even seen someone with a “Got Speed?” bumper sticker on their car driving home last week. It’s still relevant today and kind of douchey apparently!

Michael Jordan Highlights on VHS!

When you want to describe someone being the best at something, nowadays it’s common to say “They’re the Michael Jordan of” it. For example, “Chris is the Michael Jordan of  having a cynical outlook!” or “ChrisDoesComics.com is the Michael Jordan of websites nobody cares about.”  Well, Michael Jordan is the Michael Jordan of basketball. Being a Chicago native during the Bulls legendary era, I and everyone I knew wanted to be like Mike.

MJ was on my t-shirts and my bedroom walls. I had MJ books and magazines. I wanted Hanes because Michael wore them. I wanted a Big Macs and Ball Park Franks because Michael ate them. Space Jam was a childwide event in Chicago complete with parades and screenings in church. I made that last one up. Michael Jordan was so awesome and such an international phenomenon that for $30 the NBA sold a 2 1/2 hour MJ highlight reel on VHS.

I included this ad because I really downplay the love I had for Michael Jordan nowadays. Not really for a particular reason other than I simply forget what a idol he was to me and so many other kids back then. This ad truly gave me the warm fuzzies because it’s the reason I write these articles to begin with: to dust off fond forgotten memories.  And I remember a time where I wanted to be Like Mike. Except for that short period where he played baseball.

CardZillion Trading Card Machines!

Another reason I write these articles is to share things I had no idea existed like CARDZILLION. I wasn’t sure to include this ad but after doing some research I simply had to. These “vending” machines were located exclusively in Toys “R” Us stores from 1994 until 1997 and were distributed by Bandai. You’d pop in a quarter and receive a trading card from properties like Power Rangers, Beetleborgs, Sailor Moon, and Donkey Kong Country. Each series composed of 42 cards including 6 ULTRA cards (which were the rare ones).

What set these cards apart were they all felt special. They had hologram cards, holofoil cards, Ultra rare cards, cards that popped up into little dioramas, cards that made up a battle game. And with the machine being placed in the store exit, it was a great strategy for kids to drain a little more out of their parents during the trip. 9 year old me would be all over those Donkey Kong Country cards without fail.

I’m not sure why they didn’t last long. It may have been because the novelty of trading cards weren’t nearly as popular as they were 10-30 years ago. That being said, had I known about these I would’ve certainly begged for a trip to Toys R Us just to use one.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if they brought these back with comic books? With Marvel and superheroes being modern day Greek Mythology, it would be a fun experiment to bundle these with some $1 back issues with maybe some “exclusive” or signed covers as a rarity.

Rugrats Reptar Crunch Cereal!

The Rugrats is a cartoon that elevated Nickelodeon to legendary kids entertainment. And it open the floodgates to a plethora of classic cartoons. But with Nickelodeon being presented as a network “For kids by kids” they understood that children knew when they were being marketed to. Which is why, compared to say Disney, they had very limited merchandise. It made getting your grubby little meathooks on something Rugrats, Rocko, or Ren more special.

And, here, we have not Rugrats cereal but Reptar cereal! Reptar was a show within the show that the Rugrats themselves watched and idolized. What I love about Reptar is although he was watched by babies he was much more Godzilla than Barney. He had no educational value for these kids. He just loved to smash cities and roar. And I love him for that.

Reptar  merch was always present in the show itself with things like a Reptar chocolate bar, Reptar on Ice, Reptar The Movie, and Tommy Pickles’s beloved Reptar doll. I find it very interesting to bring that branding off the show and into reality as it makes for a much more fun and unique product. Sure, you could’ve had an actual Rugrats cereal with marshmallow rattles or something uninspired. But instead you now have a product that Chuckie Finster and Tommy Pickles himself would eat….if they had teeth that is.

With with whole Nick Nostalgia in full effect to drain us 90s kids of our hard earned cash, they’ve actually released a whole Reptar brand of merchandise including cereal and the legendary chocolate bar itself. So if you gotta find that Reptar now is the time more than ever.


Would you look at that? We’re done with X-men #60 cover to cover. Man, I can’t believe Cyclops was being mind controlled to kill Storm. I thought for sure ‘ol  Summers was just overcome with jealousy over her latex outfit and cool white hair. I hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me about the soulless ads featured in a 21 year old comic about mutant love triangles.  One might say I’m the Michael Jordan of writing articles that waste your time.

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