Tag: marvel

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Ad Nauseam: Spider-man Magazine #8

Are you really here right now? You of all people? What are you doing here? 

It’s been 20 months since the last installment of Ad Nauseam! 

Can’t you see it’s over?! Its done. 

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE. TO FEEL RELIEF…in classic comic book fashion…IT RETURNS…

Once again, it’s that special time where we crack open ancient remnants of “entertainment” from yesteryear and inspect the various capitalistic poisons found in between the stories of our favorite fabled heroes. Tooth rotting cereals? Archaic video games? Forgotten candy contests? BEHOLD: Welcome to another thrilling addition of Ad Nauseam! Why am I still doing this? I honestly couldn’t tell you! Excelsior! 

Tonight, we’re crawling inside Spider-man Magazine #8 released in December of 1994. 

Spider-man Magazine is an interesting little time capsule of the Wall Crawler’s storied history as it was published as a “companion” to the Spider-man Animated Series airing in November of 1994. The magazine ran for 19 issues (March 1994-March 1997) and was an amalgamation of everything that would appeal to a 6-11 year old of the 1990s: part comic book, part Zoobook, part Highlights complete with free trading cards and neat contests. It even featured the freakin’ X-Men.  

I found this particular issue tucked in between some “gaming” magazines at a used bookstore. Despite being a Spider-fan, I had no previous knowledge of this magazine but I’ll be darned if it didn’t still look as appealing as it did on the newsstand 30 years ago. This short lived magazine isn’t too difficult to find and doesn’t go for much. Unless you want the final 6 issues (which were only available through home delivery). Thumbing through Issue 5, I saw potential as its advertisements and layout stirred some personal recollections. It passed the “vibes” check as the kids say. 

Let’s channel December 1994. So turn off Garfield’s Christmas, put down that god-awful Tiger electronics handheld “game” Grandma bought you, chillax, and let’s swing into the advertised offerings of Spider-man Magazine #8. 

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Gargoyles 

Imagine turning the page and coming face-to-face with this ad. I may not have had money in 1994 but take all my pogs including my ninja star slammer and just feed me whatever this is. An absolutely chilling and beautiful illustration in its own right; I’ll do whatever “Gargoyles” tells me to do. Coming October 24th? You got it. I’ve marked it on my school planner. I’ll even pretend to be sick and take the day off. 

Of course this is for the debut of Gargoyles the animated series. 

You remember Gargoyles. You friggin’ do. Most adults of a certain age remember Gargoyles. Can you recall specifics? Maybe not. But the fact that this show was on air for a little over two years and it’s still something many recall decades later has to mean something, right? 

I’ll tell you what it means: It means Gargoyles was pretty badass. Do you see the advertisement up there? 

Gargoyles was essentially Disney’s answer to Batman The Animated Series. Dark, brooding, mature, and meticulous; it was a cartoon made as much for kids as it was for adults. Heck, it wasn’t a “cartoon”…it was an “animated series”. It was masterly animated, pushed the boundaries of episodic animated writing, and was able to be “mature” all while maintaining a rating for children and adults alike. The intro to the show alone makes me able to do, like, 100 pushups.  

While the show had a short run, it still spawned a comic book, toyline, and Sega Genesis game. Many in the animation industry have claimed Gargoyles as an inspiration and it even had its own convention that ran from 1997-2009. It was called The Gathering of The Gargoyles and the website is still live. If I was scheduled to work at a convention center during The Gathering of The Gargoyles I would probably bring a Pepsi bottle of holy water and keep a crossbow in my trunk. 

There have been talks of a live action movie and “reboot” for years now, but I always find Gargoyles pretty special as it’s been untouched since its original purpose. It ruled the night for a couple years. The sun rose on their time and they returned to stone. They never overstayed their welcome. And they’ll be remembered fondly. And in today’s reboot/remake/recast culture, I think that’s pretty admirable. 

Power Rangers Power Pak

I’m always going to be open with you: This advertisement is the reason I purchased this issue. I mean, there’s some cool stuff advertised here but this? This is the nostalgic g-spot. For a mere $6.99 ($1.95 S+H) you could become the baddest kid on the playground. As you’ll realize with the following ads, The Power Rangers were peak popularity and merchandise gold by late 1994.  The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles craze faded and the Power Rangers took the preverbal power ball and morphed with it. Personally, at the time I was completely dedicated to all things MMPR. You recall that famous scene from Scarface where Tony Montana is sitting in his mansion surrounded by piles of cocaine and henchmen? I was like that, except in a midwest trailer park with Power Ranger junk and Mondo. Almost the same. Basically. 

The Power Pak consists of a small unconventional plastic “canteen”, a “just come out and admit its a” rape whistle, knockoff lightsaber consisting of the least popular colors, plastic telescope that a Power Ranger couldn’t use if they tried, and an identification badge if the rape whistle doesn’t work. Sure, it’s just a bunch of marked up dollar store toys, but that’s the shameless beauty of trends. This stuff sits on the shelf of the strip mall dollar store yet slap a Power Rangers decal on it and you’re sending away for it like a mighty morphin’ sucker. 

An ad like this is why I’ve been writing these articles for over 8 years. Wow that’s a bit humiliating when it’s written out. Throw in a pair of plastic electro-binoculars, a list of demented far-left opinions, and mark the price up 800% and you can call it a “Luke Skywalker” Power Pak.

Cap’n Crunch MMPR WristGame 

Hey guess what? No time for guessing it’s 1994 and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers are inescapable. The masses have kicked those pesky Ninja Turtles to the curb and have found new (non-turtle) color-coded teenagers with attitude. And Captain Crunch is docking his ship to the Mighty Morphin’ Money train. 

There is so much going on in this illustration. I love it. It looks like a flyer for an underground punk show plastered on a telephone pole outside a dive bar. We’re assaulted with the Power Rangers “Computer Wrist Game” but also watch VR Troopers from Saban Entertainment and, oh by the way, eat Captain Crunch cereal too. Sugary Technicolor Capitalist Vomit that I would get tattooed on my damn gosh back!

Even 3 decades later, I’m still intrigued. There was a boy in my class that had a Mario Bros. game watch that I thought was pure illegal magic. This kid can play Mario? On his WRIST? AND HE CAN PLAY IT WHENEVER HE WANTS?! The idea of just firing up your favorite NES game during school secretly on your watch was fantasy to me…because of course it was. It was one of those crappy little LCD games that are essentially bedazzled smoke detectors. Barely resembling the title it claims to be that made you want it in the first place. And the “Power Rangers Computer Wrist Game” was no different. And I don’t even think it even tells you the (morphin’) time. An example of the idea being better than the execution. Yet, I have to admit, it looks radical. Take your $8.95, Crunch. Because wearing this unassuming colorful robot the size of a can of soda on my wrist will make me the talk-of-the-town (and also the biggest dork on the playground). 

Nabisco Marvel SuperSnack Tins

Reward children for eating cookies. What can go wrong? 

Clip those proofs-of-purchase off that Chips Ahoy or Oreo package and send it away for a Spider-man, X-Men, Iron Man, or Fantastic Four SUPERSNACK tin. I’ve actually used the Spider-man tin to collect my spare change for close to a decade without knowing where it came from. The mysterious magic of Ad Nauseam at play, folks! 

As a child, do you have a favorite memory of a Christmas or Birthday gift you received? You probably do. But what about promotional mailaway items? Okay, maybe not. Personally, I always thought these were the most rewarding “gifts” as a kid. Cutting out and collecting proofs of purchases, finding a stamp and envelope, gathering change for shipping. Finally, riding your bike to the mailbox and dropping that bad boy inside. You felt like you were “earning” something! And then the waiting game began. Remember, most of these things took 8-12 weeks for delivery. And, in kid time, that’s 3-6 years. So you completely forgot about it. 

You come home from a monotonous day of school and you’re told there’s a package for you. Strange. There’s, like, never mail for you…you’re a child. Then you feverishly pull apart the packaging, the memories of what the heck is in your hands warmly floods back, and the serotonin goes into overdrive. Behold! Your long awaited treasure turns your mundane day into an exciting one! 

I’ve had many Christmases and Birthdays with gifts that accompanied them. And I am grateful. Yet I can’t recall most of what I received in those days. Yet I can name the 5 mailaway promotions I took part in. Interestingly, If I received a Star Wars stamp set, Superman poster, or Indiana Jones flashlight as Christmas gifts I probably wouldn’t remember them. But because I “worked” for those particular things in question…at an age where money and responsibilities aren’t vast…I remember them 25+ years later and appreciate those objects a little more. Perhaps the lesson being earning things can feel more rewarding even leading to pride? Imagine that. Who says these articles have no redeeming qualities?  

Here’s the commercial for the Marvel SuperSnack Tins

X-Men Pogs At Target

Spider-man may have been on his way to Marvel’s quintessential superhero animated glory, but he wasn’t the first there…as the X-Men reigned supreme at this time. So much so that Spidey shared this very magazine with the X-Men. X-Men already had some pretty awesome promotions but this one in question being arguably the most overlooked: exclusive “caps” with your Target Kids Mutant Meal. “Caps” being a term for unofficial Pogs. It’s difficult to get any more 90’s than receiving X-Men “pogs” from a department store cafeteria. Maybe if Steve Urkel handed them to you I guess. 

I’ve been to a couple Targets that still have traces of a cafeteria (referred to as “Food Avenue” in this ad) though not as robust as they were 30 years ago. The point being these department stores were a place to spend the day; complete with daily sales and a place to get a hot meal. I spent an obnoxious amount of time in my local K-Mart as a kid complete with getting food at the “K-Cafe”. Pizza, burgers, sandwiches, popcorn, cotton candy, and Icees adorned the menu. I believe they even had breakfast options in the mornings. And frequenting K-Mart as often as I did, you couldn’t help but notice the “regulars”. The lonely single seniors with their paper and coffee. The downtrodden simply spending the day there. Teenagers taking advantage of the sitting space to read magazines without buying them. And, of course, the blue light specials over the intercom that kept many of them alert. These “cafes” bred a whole type of culture of its own. Not a “coffee shop” scene…but not quite a “homeless shelter” vibe either. It was somewhere right down the middle. And there’s been nothing quite like it. And I can’t say I miss it.  

It’s interesting to think the modern trend is being able to pick up items without even leaving your car. These “restaurant” sections shuttered over the last couple decades. What does that make of the lonely, the societal misfits, the aimless youth that inhabited it? Was it for the best? 

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Well, folks, that’s another Ad Nauseam for the books. Covering some interesting yet silly offerings found between the pages of a 30 year old Spider-man Magazine. A couple years back I was working on an Ad Nauseam installment when a coworker asked what I was doing. I answered, “I write about old advertisements found in comic books…” to which he simply and genuinely replied, “Why?”. I chuckled but the simple question really made me ponder on it for a bit. I recall that interaction whenever I write a new installation.  

This is the 17th installment of Ad Nauseam written over the course of 8 years. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. But I’m proud of these. It’s a way to wax nostalgic to myself about things that a very tiny number of people find interesting. It’s a great exercise of recollection, bad humor, and introspection published into the void of my website. There have been so many personal life changes over the course of those 8 years that sitting down to write these articles have become nostalgic in themselves. I recall different times that feel long ago when writing these articles that fill me with a specific warmth. The kind of warmth I felt when writing about these advertisements of simpler times. The act of writing about nostalgia has, in fact, now become nostalgic to me. It’s a great way to glance at the past, smile, and keep moving forward. 

You’ll always find “insight” into comfy comic culture here on ChrisDoesComics. “Why?” 

Why not?

Oh, and below are the trading cards that came with my magazine. 

I’ll see yuh when I see yuh…

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What A Tangled Web We Weave…

Spider-man’s iconic black suit not only began as fan-fiction; but was created in my own backyard… 

It goes without saying, but Spider-man is one of the most recognizable and popular fictional characters of modern times. Aside from the practical life lessons Spider-man’s tales teach us, he simply has one of best designed costumes of any superhero. The classic costume was designed by co-creator Steve Ditko back in 1962 and, for decades, has had minimal changes. That is until 1984, when Marvel comics unleashed the Saga of the Alien Costume detailing Spidey’s new look, powers, and  “responsibilities” that came with it. The jet black costume with the large white spider “hugging” Spidey’s torso is considered iconic by today’s standards. But, once again proving the world of fandom hasn’t changed, his new threads were met with major fan backlash.

Despite the bed wetting, Marvel comics truly embraced Spider-man’s new look. Going as far as rebranding their own corporate logos, letterheads, and marketing materials featuring Spider-man solely wearing his fresh black and white duds. Signifying the era of red and blue was over. The dark minimalist modern look is Spider-man as we know him. A move as bold as the costume itself! But why change something already iconic? Why fix what isn’t broken? Well, to simply shake up the Spider-verse. The higher the stakes of the story, the more attention it gets, the more copies sold. Spider-man trading his iconic costume for a new one is daring. But just how and why is it happening? 

Marvel UK’s Spider-Man #632 (1985) – cover art by John Stokes

There are two ways to explain this: one involving interplanetary war, alien technology, and super powers. And a second that’s far more personal and interesting. 

From a fictional perspective, Spider-man went to Beyonder’s Battleworld during Secret Wars, picked up the black symbiote from a machine he thought would fix his damaged suit, and had Mr. Fantastic remove it once he discovered it was sentient and taking control of his body. Then-editor-in-chief Jim Shooter felt like stirring the proverbial spider-pot. And the Saga of the Alien Costume involved some heavy hitting comic talents of the day; with names like Tom DeFalco and John Byrne absorbed by the symbiotic goop. Spidey went on wearing the black suit for the next 4 years of publication. 

The symbiotic alien costume became one of Spider-man’s most legendary looks and eventually led to an entire symbiote saga spawned (heh) by Todd Mcfarlane. During Mcfarlane’s rise to industry superstardom, he created the super villain Venom who went on to become Spider-man’s most popular adversary and a comic book all star in his own right. Decades later the symbiotes have become not only a staple of Spider-man but the Marvel Comic universe. 

And It All Started With a Piece of Fan Mail…

Jim Shooter’s Response Letter to buy Randy Schueller’s “black suit” idea for $220!

Lets fast forward to early 2007, Sam Raimi’s third blockbuster Spider-man film looked to be adapting the saga of the symbiote suit; by this time considered an iconic storyline. Suddenly the “symbiote saga” became as relevant as ever within popular culture. The massive hype surrounding Spider-man 3 shattered the quiet demeanor of humble Spider-fan Randy Schueller. A fan letter response circa 1982 had been circulating online concerning the black suit saga. Comic Book Resource managed to contact Randy Schueller, the fan in question, and published a response directly from him: 

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There’s been some discussion in the fan press recently about the original idea for Spidey’s black costume coming from an anonymous fan. Well it’s true and I am that fan. Here’s my story…

Back in the early 80s, Marvel ran a competition for aspiring writers and artists. Being a lifelong Spidey fan with delusions of comic grandeur, I took a stab at a story idea.

I thought it would be cool if Spidey needed to upgrade his powers and his look, so I came up with this idea that Reed Richards had made a new costume for Spidey using the same unstable molecules that the FF costumes are made of. The unstable molecules would flow into Peter’s pores and allow him to cling to walls better.

I saw the new suit as a stealth version of the original costume – jet black so he could blend in with the shadows. At best, all you could see of him was the blood red spider emblem, emblazoned on his chest. (Yeah, in my design the spider was red, not white. I also gave him underarm webbing like in the original Ditko design.)

Oh yeah, and I stole an idea from Iron Man and made his web shooters work using the same cybernetic technology that Tony Stark used to control his armor. Peter just had to mentally imagine the kind of web line he wanted to shoot and the suit would do it for him. (Keep in mind, this was 25 years before Civil War and “Iron Spidey”!)

A few months after submitting the story I received a letter from Jim Shooter saying he liked the idea and wanted to buy it for $220. I was thrilled! But the best part – they offered me a chance to write the story. How cool is that?

I ended up submitting a second version and even had a follow-up phone call or two with Tom DeFalco to discuss the script. Wow! Me on the phone with a real live Marvel editor. I still can’t believe this happened !In the end, the whole scripting thing just didn’t work out for me – I don’t remember the exact reasons. I submitted another version of the story, they didn’t like it, I stopped sending in letters. The whole thing just kind of fell apart. Regardless, I had no regrets. As a true blue Spidey fan, this was a very cool moment in my life.

A year or so later, when Secret Wars came out and I saw my costume idea executed in a completely different way than I had envisioned it, I was simultaneously thrilled and saddened. And when the idea of the black costume caught on, I was even more thrilled. And then when VENOM was created I was…disturbed. I was never a fan of the costume-turned-villain idea. Venom just never really seemed to work for me. But I digress…

Now, fast-forward to 2007. I see that the black costume (MY black costume, sort of) is making it’s way to Spider-Man 3. Wow! I couldn’t stand it anymore – I had to come out of the closet and tell my friends and coworkers about my contribution to this year’s BIGGEST blockbuster. And I had all the documents to prove it even if Marvel never mentioned my name.

Since Marvel paid me for the story, I have no real gripe, but I do feel bad that they didn’t give me any kind of acknowledgment in the comics. You know, something like, “costume concept by Randy Schueller” or “Thanks to Randy Schueller for inspiration,” or “Randy Schueller, you Spidey fan-boy stud, you rock!” But no, I got nothin’! That’s my one disappointment in this whole story.

I’ve written to Tom Defalco before, but I’ve gotten no response. Maybe Marvel is afraid I’ll sue them or something, but that’s not the case at all! I don’t want any money, I don’t want any legal rights to the Venom character. All I want is this: a mention in the letters column of Amazing Spider-Man recognizing me as the nameless fan who sparked the idea for the black suit which eventually led to the idea for Venom which eventually became the basis for this freakin’ monster movie we call Spider-Man 3. That’s all I want.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Randy Schueller

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Since this story broke back in 2007, Randy has been credited in a few articles and wiki pages concerning Spider-man’s black suit. But he has yet to receive any official credit or nod from Marvel Comics. Randy also did not detail if the black suit would give Peter Parker emo hair and cringey dance moves. 

Jim Shooter’s response letter is dated August 3rd, 1982.  

The Black Suit concept published in the October 1983 Issue of Comics Journal (Notice the red spider!)

Going back, news of the costume change hit the October 1983 issue of Comics Journal. It included a full character illustration in profile (The image, like the rest of the magazine’s interiors, was in black and white, but the accompanying article notes that Spider-Man will be “trading in his costume for a black-and-red one…“). This is the first proof of Randy Schueller’s idea surfacing publicly. Complete with the red spider Randy mentioned in his 2007 response. And, finally, a few months later on January 31st, 1984 Amazing Spider-Man #252 was released: the first published story featuring Spider-Man’s black costume. With the torso spider now inexplicably white. By this time, As Randy mentioned, the story was out of his hands and he was ghosted by Marvel Comics. 

The 1st published appearance of the black suit: Amazing Spider-Man #252; January 31st, 1984

Randy Schueller’s concept led to one of the most iconic story arcs in Spider-man history that’s relevant to this very day. Yet he simply brushed greatness…with no credit received. 

This tale is nothing new if you’re familiar with the industry of comic books. Theft and appropriate credit is something that the comic book industry has had trouble with since its inception and still has till this very day. Growing up, you may not be aware of the shadiness of it all. Instead you’re swept away through the escapades of Spider-man’s adventures, oblivious to the tangled web weaved behind-the-scenes. But, hopefully, if anything…if this article can inform just one person about this case in particular…it’s worth writing. 

Now Let’s Bring This All Back Home…Literally

If you know me, you know Spider-man is a character that means entirely too much to me. His stories have helped me through personal hardships and I’ve used him as a beacon to help others through their own peaks and valleys. Being a lifelong fan, I’ve followed this particular “comic book urban legend” as it broke back in 2007 and took note. Complete with Randy Schueller’s letter saved on my computer. Because what was most surprising about all of this was Randy’s address typed on the response letter. He lived in my old neighborhood.

Only a couple miles from my own home. A building I’ve passed possibly hundreds of times. The apartment where he wrote his “black suit” idea was on the block of the K-Mart I frequented. The very K-Mart where my Spider-man action figures, pajamas, and comic books were purchased from. Deeper you say? I distinctly remember buying the black suit Spider-man and Venom action figures there. Just a stone’s throw away from where the original idea bubbled up! Of course, I had no idea at the time. Who the hell would?   

To go even deeper, the apartment building is located off Harlem Avenue…behind, what is now,  a deli. But that deli used to be two businesses: an auto parts store and a used video game retailer. In high school, I used to regularly walk to that video game store to buy and sell many games, among them being several Spider-man video games ranging from awful (Return of the Sinister Six) to excellent (Activision’s Spider-man). Being a peak comic geek in my high school days, I’d often (proudly) wear my black symbiote Spider-man shirt. All while directly behind me were the humble beginnings of one of Spider-man’s most legendary storylines. Like J. Jonah Jameson realizing Peter Parker is Spider-man…it was completely unbeknownst to me. 

Realizing this back in 2007, it’s safe to say my little nerd world was rocked. I immediately took a walk to the address just because I had to see it for myself. And I decided to visit it again for this very article! Might as well celebrate many anniversaries: 44 years since Randy Schueller sent in that fateful letter to Marvel…40 years since the published debut of the black costume…even the 18th anniversary of me finding all this shit out. I stood, once more, where Spider-man’s black suit was inexplicably conjured. It wasn’t some space asteroid or Battleworld. Not even the Marvel bullpen. Instead it was 4319 N. Neva Ave of Norridge, Illinois. There isn’t a 12 foot bronze statue or “Birthplace of Spider-man’s Black Suit” plaque, or even a pile of old Spider-man action figures surrounded by used candles. There’s nothing. Just another unremarkable block of dated Chicago apartment buildings. The K-mart’s gone. The video game store is gone. And I’d bet you a fun size 3 Musketeers that Randy Schueller hasn’t lived here in ages ( if he happens to read this I bet he thinks I’m weird). 

But like the black symbiote suit itself, it holds many past memories. It’s really cool to unweave a bit of Spider-man’s treasured tangled webs leading to your own backyard. And I knew I was in the right spot…because I’m pretty sure my spidersense did indeed tingle. 

Until next time, True Believers. 

Excelsior and all that stuff. 

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Ad Nauseam: Mad Magazine #418

You can find previous “Ad Nauseam”s here.

Oh no, everyone, it’s Ad Nauseam! Articles in which I gaze back at ancient advertisements of youth, wonder where time has gone, and realize all the vapid gutter trash that was marketed into my tiny malleable eyeballs. Yes, I’m still doing this. 

Sam Raimi’s Summer Blockbuster Spider-man turned 21 years old last month. It can legally drink the champagne I’m toasting it with. The film (and the countdown surrounding it) holds a very special place in my heart. The summer months of 2002 was a coming-of-age story filled with angst, Spider-man Poptarts, romance, and attempts at making my own webshooters. 

But that is a tale for another time. I’d still like to honor the legacy of the original Spider-man movie on its anniversary(ish) as we dissect the ads within Mad Magazine #418 released June 2002. 

MAD MAGAZINE #418 JUNE 2002

Mad Magazine is a satirical comic-turned-magazine first published back in 1952. Understand, when it came to parody and satire, Mad was the first of its kind. Its circulation peaked in the early 1970s, and the humor within its pages influenced generations of comedy writers that infiltrated the roots of comedic pop culture itself. From The Tonight Show to SNL to The Simpsons, Mad competed with itself when it came to topical humor. No subject was off limits to Mad Magazine. Today, You can head to your local grocery store and be able to find Mad on the magazine rack. And in this day and age, staying power is rare. 

This issue of Mad was purchased solely for this article. Sad. It’s the first and only issue of Mad Magazine that I’ve ever owned. Yet Mad is no stranger, as I’ve thumbed through my share of issues over the decades. Whether loaned from friends or watching Madtv, I was more than acquainted with their age-old mascot: Alfred E. Neuman. Mad has permeated American pop culture in a way that even if you don’t know it…on some level…you probably do. 

Mad Magazine was also AD-FREE from April 1957 to February 2001(no advertisers means no one is off limits to pick on). But this particular issue being the subject of an Ad Nauseam article means it’s chock full of dated advertisements. Bad for Mad readers back then. Good for my readers today. All three of you. 

So crank up some Linkin Park and lets sling a web through this 21 year old issue of an American comedic institution. Our Spidersense tingling being our only warning of the ads inside! What-me worry? 

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SOUTH PARK RETURNS

Crude and Outrageous. An ad that truly represents the foundation of South Park. This concept is also a representation of eXtRemE “attitude” pop culture embraced by the late 1990s. By mid-2002 the adult animated show was in the middle of its sixth season. South Park is still popular by today’s standards. Though the mention of it still takes me back to those first couple years or, what I personally call, The South Park epidemic of the late 1990s. 

South Park debuted in late 1997. It was far more immoral and inappropriate than The Simpsons that debuted just 7 years prior. And its humor was sharper than MTV’s Beavis and Butthead. It was an immediate success, at least in my juvenile social circle, and christened “must see tv” as it was a trendy target among parents and teachers alike. It took the heat off of Bart Simpson and Mortal Kombat. South Park was the newest outrage causing trend within the “degradation of youth” category. 

I can only relate The South Park epidemic to be in the same vein as “The Red Scare” within certain households and my school. Teachers outlawed discussion of South Park. South Park apparel was banned. I recall one particular instance where a friend innocently drew a cow on our chalkboard during indoor recess and was subsequently punished with a detention because the teacher felt the cow “looked too similar to cows from South Park”. 

It truly is something when a child recognizes ignorant paranoia spread by their adult “superiors”. 

Personally, I did my fair share of South Park “smuggling”. Watching it in secret at my grandparents home. Sneaking in an episode at a friend’s house when their parents were out. I regularly wore a “Many Deaths of Kenny” shirt under my sweater at school. I attached a South Park keychain to my backpack. It was as big as it was because it was forbidden. It was an act of rebellion. Mortal Kombat ate my quarters because mom didn’t want me playing it. We quoted Bart Simpson because parents urged him to be the downfall of innocence. We devoured South Park because it became the next in line for parental outrage. 

The more things change the more they stay the same I suppose. 

Editor’s Note: That “Many Deaths of Kenny” shirt was purchased by my mom as a birthday gift for me. She was an overworked single parent that didn’t have time to be upset over a silly television show. She knew she raised a level headed responsible son. She realized the trend and ,in her exhaustion, simply let me embrace my interests. I truly appreciated that. It meant a lot, mom. Violent television and video games didn’t rot my brain. It just made me write dozens of redundant blog articles. Not too shabby I’d say. 

THE BEST BUY CD SECTION

I never thought I’d see the day where the idea of physically owning music by purchasing it at a brick and mortar music store would be practically extinct. Afterall, it’s something humans have been doing since the late 1800s. Though still young in the grand scheme of civilization, I suppose I never thought things would change so quickly as I grasped my Papa Roach CD…thinking I’d have to do this forever. Are album releases even a big thing anymore? I guarantee you haven’t even thought about heading to the CD section in what feels like ages. Go find one in a store sometime (if they even have one) and bask at its insignificance. Even though music is anything but insignificant. 

 Best Buy did have one of the best CD sections available. As you can tell from the delighted young hip and fresh looking guy in the ad. I forgot that early 2000s “style” for young men was “Shaggy’s snowboarding cousin”. My god…a soul patch and puka shell necklace? ZOINKS. Who wants to bet this “bra” is wearing Anchor Blue jeans and eyeing a “Taproot” album? Anyway…at Best Buy each genre of music had nearly 2 and a half loooong aisles to browse. As the CD section in this ad isn’t exaggerating as it mimics the warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark. 

I had a Best Buy attached(ish) to the local mall. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for a bunch of boys to split the price of a CD…as long as one of us had a burner to duplicate it. Suddenly that steep $17.99 price tag for the Fast and Furious soundtrack turns into less than $5. With enough dough left over for an overly dry slice of Sbarro pizza and a pickup game of Soul Caliber. Now I can harvest practically any piece of music of any era from the supercomputer in my pocket for free and share it with my entire personalized network of thousands of people almost instantly. 

Impressive? Technically yes. Better? Well, there’s no Icee to sip while browsing. And I don’t have Billy or Kris to kick my tush in Soul Caliber anymore. So…no. 

Another instance in “You just had to be there.” I guess. 

DEAD TO RIGHTS and BLOODRAYNE

Here we have two video games concerning Vigilantes and Vampires. I’m confident those were my career goals in high school. As I’m typing this I realize those paths aren’t out of the question now either. 

Dead To Rights was about a cop with a dog cop set on a path of revenge through a dark spooky corrupt city. The cop was taking revenge. Not the dog. Or maybe they both were. I don’t remember. It was capitalizing on the acclaimed Max Payne video game but without the hint of self awareness. At the time, I was practically snorting ashes of Punisher comic books daily so I was there for it. I also had no hint of self awareness. The selling point of the game (besides the need for violence and justice) was being able to control the dog; functioning as a sort of “special power” used to disarm and weaken your enemies. I rented this game and was excited to entrench myself in its world…but I recall the clunky controls dampering my enjoyment. I didn’t even finish it. But that didn’t stop me from putting on my thrift store trenchcoat and shoot down imaginary drug dealers with a nerf gun. It’s sad when I type that out. 

The sexy vampire’s name is BLOODRAYNE. One word. Rayne is spelled with a “y”. She’s wearing leather pants. If you do not think of the 2000s when I explain this to you I guess we can’t be friends. Thanks to Buffy The Vampire Slayer, I was peak vampire-kid at the time. I watched vampire movies. Read vampire books. And even made an emergency vampire hunter kit using junk found around my grandparents house. It’s sad when I type that out. Naturally (or sUpeRnAtUralLy) I found out about Bloodrayne when researching “vampire video games where you can suck blood” on the internet. In order to replenish your health, you can hop onto enemies and bite their neck until they die. That’s so vampire, man. I was sold. I purchased a preowned copy of Bloodrayne for under $20 and fondly remember it. 

I can’t recall it verbatim, but you played as this goth vampire woman with giant blades attached to her arms that murdered Nazis. It turned out to be a World War II thing. I was caught off guard yet intrigued. The game consisted of you running around, with bouncing boob physics, slicing up Nazis into bloody puddles. I was the demographic. It was a delight. 

Apparently there are 3 movies based off these games and I find that just incredible considering most people don’t know what this trash is or was. There are 3 Bloodrayne movies. Don’t give up on your dreams, kids.  

SPIDER-MAN: THE MOVIE: THE VIDEO GAME: THE ADVERTISEMENT

For me, the only thing trailing the hype of the Spider-man movie had to be the Spider-man video game. That summer, If any piece of hardware in existence could play a video game, there would be a Spider-man game released for it. 

A friend of mine brought a magazine to class that had an extensive preview of this game. It’s how we got better looks at the movie versions of Spidey and Green Goblin. It was also written in the gameplay details when we learned that Spider-man had “organic” webshooters. It was little nuggets like this that added to the feeling of excitement for a summer blockbuster. Myself and a small group of friends were still riding that high of Activison’s Spider-man game released on the Playstation only 2 years prior. We still spoke of the animated series and comic books. Yet, we were at an age where we were expected to grow out of cartoons, comics, and toys. That was something I knew I simply couldn’t do…nor did I want to. And I loved that I was able to brazenly share my excitement for Spider-man proudly with others. 

This particular ad was slapped in every comic book and magazine at the time. I even remember it showing up in an issue of a school magazine/workbook we partook in every month. The marketing being a sign of the times. If we wanted to see the trailer, you had to be in a movie theater. If you wanted to see images, you picked up a magazine. If you wanted to see the poster, you walked to a bus stop. If you yearned for “scoops” and “rumors”, it was an arduous game of telephone. Also telephones had cords and were attached to walls. But at this point, this is how it’s always been. What made the experience of Spider-man so unique for me, was that all of this was changing for the first time. Computers. Internet. Cell phones. The digital age was becoming more pertinent by the week. And I was truly noticing it. This fresh era of convenience rearing its cyber-head. 

Regardless, Spider-man was everywhere. Television, grocery aisles, print, and computers. And change was surrounding us. The rippling effect of the recent September 11th attacks and current war on terrorism. The new and exciting reliance of technology beginning to change our daily routine. Graduating to attend a massive high school. The realization that familiarity and friendships forged for most of your life are bound to drift away. 

Spider-man acted as a final reprisal of childhood. An age where any adult would say, “Aren’t you too old for that?”, yet we fully embraced the childishness. From shooting webshooters found in our cereal boxes in the Chicago alleyways to discussing possible villains in the next Spider-man movie. Reality seemed scarier than ever, a sudden realization stricken amongst every walk of life within the United States. And, at my childish level, I felt we were all caught in Spidey’s web of pure escapism. Spider-man swung in bringing back some much needed fun and innocence. Suddenly my knowledge of comic books was no longer a point of contention, but revered among my peers. It was a time that felt nearly judgment free. Where I felt closest with everyone. To truly belong. 

The film and buzz surrounding it acted as a wonderful “nightcap” to youthful innocence and childhood freedoms. A great “send off” to who we were as we marched forward towards a pivotal time of who we’d become. 

Later that same summer on a particularly beautiful day we were all at the park playing baseball. The overwhelming success of the Spider-man movie urged the recent announcement of the forthcoming Spider-man 2. “It’s coming out in 2004!” I said defeated by the realization of the excruciating long wait. “Man, you guys think we’ll still be friends then?” I asked genuinely. We all chuckled and assured each other nothing would change. We all took our spots to play another sweaty unskilled game of baseball. That was the last summer we all hung out together. 

Life moves fast. Change is constant. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

————————————————————————————-

Though unexpected, I was grateful this issue of Mad Magazine was so heavily riddled with game advertisements. My affinity for video games peaked during this era so these ads whirled up a stirring of thoughts I haven’t had in quite a time. Even though my favorite era of gaming has solidified itself in 8-bits, it has been a recent personal epiphany that the Playstation 2, in my opinion, may just be the best video game console of all time. Plus, there’s only so much to say about old body spray and Corn Nuts ads. 

Yet, beyond a pixelated screen, I’ve reminisced about the summer of 2002. The fear and uncertainty of the time blended with my youth and innocence created an emotional cocktail that couldn’t nor shouldn’t be replicated. To get completely lost in something that I was going to indulge in anyway, but now with better reason. The burned Spider-man album (purchased by a friend from Best Buy 😉 being my soundtrack of the summer. Spider-man pop tarts being tossed in my backpack for summer snacking. Renting the video game and playing it relentlessly as it expanded the lore of the film. Reading the novelization ordered from Scholastic by gathering spare change from my junk drawer. My grandmother buying me a “Guide to Spider-man” from Waldenbooks as I meticulously combed my back issues for key moments. 

Escapism at its finest. Because with the uncertainty of war, the economy, and all the other things you didn’t understand as an ignorant teenager…why not escape even for a little bit? Do one last  favor for me…tonight, I’d like for you to sip an ice cold Dr. Pepper while watching the music video for “Hero” by Chad Kroger Ft. Josey Scott off the Spider-man soundtrack. And, if you can, think about where you were during that time…21 years ago! Because I guarantee the next 21 years are going to swing by in a flash. Will I still be writing this stuff?

Oh, and thanks for the other favor…reading the ramblings about insipid advertisements found in an issue of a satirical magazine old enough to play blackjack and sip bourbon. If we all think about Tobey Maguire hard enough, maybe he’ll stop snorting cocaine or whatever celebrities do and feel our thought-beams right now. 

You’ll always find “insight” into comfy comic culture here on ChrisDoesComics.