Welcome back to Ad Nauseam! Where I crack open the capitalistic commercialized coffin of advertising and you stand beside me stake in hand for some strange reason! It’s so close to Halloween night. The sidewalks are sprawled with the warm satisfying crunch of fallen leaves. The grinning pumpkins that align your neighborhood porches are beginning to sag and rot. The Christmas aisle of your local store is prominently displayed; with the Halloween section reduced to a sad single candy coated aisle, clearanced, and picked over. And, oh no, in the midst of your busy hectic life you never decided what you were going to be this year.
The costumes left are tired unappealing choices that don’t even come in your size. And it turns out nobody online will be able to deliver in time of the big fat orange day! But there is always one thing that can save Halloween: A GOOD MASK. A Halloween mask could make or break your festive persona. Expensive? Sure. Often more than an entire costume in itself to be honest. But you’re feeling HALLOWEENIE. And it’s down to the wire.
That’s why tonight we’re thumbing through old Halloween mask advertisements to decide which rubber face deserves our hard-earned, entirely hypothetical money. A little window shopping through somebody else’s n i g h t m a r e s. Yet the faces are only half the attraction, aren’t they? It’s the dramatic lighting. The poorly aged trends. The ridiculous names. The suggestion that paying $60 for this particular alien mask could elevate your Halloween beyond anything the neighborhood and your peers have ever seen.
So let’s browse a few faces from Halloween’s past. Some familiar. Some forgotten. Some downright bizarre. But all reflections of a time that challenged your imagination. Because you knew that if your parents bought you that mask, you weren’t getting anything else to go with it. You’ve got jeans and a Chicago Bulls hoodie. I guess this alien is wearing jeans and a Chicago Bulls hoodie. So, turn that Oingo Boingo album down and sip some artificially flavored pumpkin bullshit. It’s time for ads, kiddos.
Looking for more cozy Halloween vibes? Don’t forget my Drugstore Halloween article!
Dick Tracy Criminals – Don Post Studios – 1991
The Walt Disney Corporation was really betting on 1991’s Dick Tracy to be the next huge comic blockbuster. 1989 Tim Burton’s Batman big. 1990’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles profitable. But, as it stands, Dick Tracy underdelivered in nearly every way. Who would’ve thought a comic stripe character that peaked in the 1930s wouldn’t be as relatable to the children of the 90s? Yet, I still enjoy the little 1990s time capsule of marketing that was created.
At $25 each you help Tracy clean up the streets by dressing like the people that make his life miserable. Don Post Studios offers Big Boy, Flattop, Prune Face, The Brow, and Influence—a lineup that looks like somebody interrupted a perfectly normal poker game with a shovel. Dick Tracy’s rogues gallery has always been an interestingly hideous gang of misfits (a precursor to Batman) so these masks would honestly make a solid choice for Halloween night. Pair it with a big dusty overcoat with a popped collar and you got yourself a fit, baby. Iconic? Unfortunately not. But you’d get a positive reaction either way. And more importantly, I’m sure these were available and on clearance by 1992. My pick would be Influence. Gray overcoat, black fedora. Hang out in the dark corners of a house party asking for the codeword. Worth $25.
“Hell Yeah” Assortment – Topstone Industries – 1989
Now THIS looks like Halloween. A dozen unpleasant faces photographed against the same blue background like a yearbook page from ghoul school class of ‘89. We’ve got fangs, questionable skin conditions, and enough unruly hair to make Tina Turner blush. No elaborate backstories needed. Pick a face, throw on some old clothes, and go stand behind the garage. These are the type of masks that I remember pulling out of one of my grandparents’ old storage boxes when Halloween rolled around. Never quite “hip”. Never what anyone wanted. Yet, looking back, these are all I can ask for. Call me Jack friggen Skellington because “This is Halloween.”
And the packaged masks below are just as appealing. There’s something about seeing all that ugliness neatly hung from a hang tag that makes me want to browse a drugstore Halloween aisle for an hour just taking this all in. Each little package contains the beginnings of a costume, a few cheap scares, and something your mother will eventually find flattened beneath a pile of winter hats. Personally I’m drawn to 1162 as he looks like someone who just realized what the house he’s haunting is worth in 2026.
And, dagnabit, make elderly people scary again!
“Wow…Okay…Sure…” – Illusive Concepts Inc. – 1993
If you’re a big mask head like I am, you’d share the sentiment that Illusive Concepts Inc. embodied the spirit of Halloween in the 1990s. Bigger, badder, gorier. More attitude. More mean spirited. All they needed was to incorporate an “X” or “Z” in their name and they’d be more 90s than a Power Ranger with a flannel tied around his waist at a Pearl Jam concert. That being said, take a look at this magnificent bastard.
From their “entirely new concept” called W O N D E R Wardrobe. This guy in particular is called The Man in the Moon. The enormous crescent head. The little black gloves. There’s no parade of monsters competing for your attention here. Just one formally dressed celestial body standing in purple fog. They knew what they had. It’s like a paparazzi picture of a recent spotting of Mac Tonight.
I appreciate that the costume follows through. A head like that deserves a popped collar and flowing black coat. You can’t put this on with a Chicago Bears sweatshirt and expect the moon to maintain his dignity. The fine print specifies that the leotard and tights aren’t included, which examining the image a bit more, you do realize that Moon Man is indeed spreading this coat wide open revealing a pair of black tights. It’s the perfect costume if you’re going for Harvey Weinstein meets a Dole Whip.
Character Masks – Be Something Studios – 1988
Be Something Studios gets right to the point with two bold promises: “TOTALLY COMFORTABLE” and “WON’T SUFFOCATE.” Masks that make you go “hell yeah brother.” And my two biggest concerns when purchasing a gorilla’s face. They’ve also supplied enough wolves to accommodate whatever stage of transformation your budget allows. Wolfman. Killer Wolf. She Wolf. Man Wolf. At twenty bucks each, you could outfit an entire family and spend Halloween eating every red cloaked blonde girl you could get your paws on.
The names deserve almost as much attention as the masks. “That’s Disgusting” features a face being pulled apart by little hands, which saves the copywriter from having to explain anything. “Party Animal” is a snarling creature wearing a red beret, apparently on his way to ruin a wine tasting. Then there’s “Go To Yell,” a head whose mouth occupies roughly half the available real estate. I’m beginning to understand the confidence behind that suffocation claim. You could pass a baked potato through this guy without removing the mask.
But my favorite part is the right page, where the monsters gradually give way to people you might encounter during a trip to the grocery store. A chef. A guy enjoying a cigar. Someone named Happy who looks like he’s just bitten an extension cord. There’s even Bashful and Ms. Bashful, for couples who want to dress together while ensuring nobody ever invites them anywhere again. They definitely have an instagram account for their french bulldog. At $17.50 apiece, these are affordable little nightmares. Be Something Studios. Love that name. It’s like So What? Industries. Lets Go Concepts. Get a damn mask already. We’re going Halloweening.
E.T. THE MASK – Don Post Studios – 1982
Don Post’s E.T. mask presents an interesting Halloween proposition: You could become a vampire. A werewolf. Some hideous creature banished from the darkest corners of human understanding.
Or a small elderly potato who needs to use the telephone.
E.T. belongs here, though. A mask ad doesn’t need every face to frighten you. Recognition does the selling. You know this character. You like this character. Now put your head inside this character. An entirely reasonable progression.
Not to mention this is quite possibly one of the most popular Halloween character masks ever produced. An October 1982 New York Times report stated that he expected 70,000 E.T. masks to reach stores by Christmas. That’s an awful lot of extraterrestrial heads. To be clear, that was the expected store supply, not a final tally of satisfied customers waddling around in bathrobes. And notice it said Christmas. Not Halloween. This mask went beyond your costume and holiday. It became something you cherished all year.
And at $49.95 plus shipping, becoming everybody’s favorite stranded alien required some financial commitment. The ad even makes a point of telling you this isn’t a throwaway Halloween novelty. This is something to collect. Display. The elongated head required a rigid plastic support inside, meaning actual engineering went into helping you look like a worried raisin. I respect that. I also admire Don Post Studios throwing in some Dark Crystal character masks towards the bottom pleading “please for the love of God we have boxes of these things”. Hoping your grandma will check “Aughra” instead creating one of the most disappointing moments of your childhood.
Of course, there’s a whole costume situation to consider below the neck. The ad has already won by making that feel like your problem. Put on E.T.’s head and now what? Pair it with a flannel shirt and jeans and what are you? E.T. on his way to check the sump pump?
Movie Originals – Fright Catalog – 2004
I’m including the final sprawl because I actually got this catalog in the mail back in 2004. I smuggled this in my backpack in high school everyday for a few weeks. Taking it out during my study hall and gazing at everything out of my budget but dreaming of what I would buy first.
Did I happen to mention I was always sitting alone?
The Bart and Homer masks are $29.99 each, and seeing them detached from their animated bodies is a little unsettling. Bart looks thrilled to have finally escaped television. Homer looks like he’s already regretting it. Meanwhile, the Hulk mask has enough sculpted rage to suggest somebody just told him the costume costs extra. Which it does. There’s a separate $39.99 Hulk outfit complete with a muscular green chest and ragged purple pants. Muscles not included. Which makes or breaks your Hulk costume. This is before that whole “inflatable” costume craze.
There’s the ‘ol Beetlejuice standbys, a one-size-fits-all Spider-man costume that totally made me look like I was hit with a shrink ray, a Ratfink mask if you’re over 60 and know what that is, and gulp a Halle Berry Catwoman costume. Bet you weren’t thinking about that one. And that says a lot considering it was peak Halle Berry in a Catwoman costume.
But the real financial event is that deluxe latex Batman costume. Four hundred and ninety-nine dollars to become the Batman & Robin version of the Caped Crusader. Which was the latest version of Batman at the time, kids. At that price, I’d wear it well beyond Halloween. Answer the door in it. Take the recycling out. Get every penny out of those sculpted abdominal muscles.I might actually even begin fighting crime in it. Quickly realizing just how impractical it is to be Batman. The llight-up Bates Motel sign for $29.99 might be my pick. A little atmosphere for the house, no costume to assemble, and nobody asking why Batman is clearing the gutters of wet leaves.
Well, that wraps up our little lineup of mail-order monstrosities. A fine selection of faces to frighten the neighborhood trick or treaters, disappoint your parents on what you spent your birthday money on, and leave on a shelf until someone asks why there’s a severed head next to your old basketball trophy you received by simply participating.
A monstrous shoutout to Halloween Monster Masks Blog which is not only a fun way to soak in some Halloween nostalgia but inspired this article with its incredible public database of Halloween catalogs featuring masks, decor, and costumes.
What I love about these ads is that choosing a mask was only the start. You supplied the rest. Your grandpa’s old overcoat. Some dirty gardening gloves. A plan to stand perfectly still on the porch until your mother came home from work. These little photographs gave you enough to spend an afternoon imagining the greatest Halloween anybody had ever seen.
And browsing them now, I still catch myself trying to pick just one.
Sure, the order forms are useless. Attached to companies that no longer exist. With phone numbers that dial to the Twilight Zone. Halloween came and went decades ago for whoever first thumbed through these pages. But the invitation still works. The faces are still here, waiting for you to decide what they could become for one October night. Plan a Halloween that never happened. Mentally assemble a costume you’ll never wear.
Then close the magazine and return to being yourself. Bummer. There’s always next year, right?
Thanks for exploring this Halloween Edition of Ad Nauseam with me. Examining comfy cozy comic (creature) culture. Now have an apple cider on me and go enjoy whatever’s left of the Halloween season.
PS: If you see an alien wearing jeans and a Bulls hoodie, mind your business. He put a lot of thought into that.
